Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear...

It's only fair that I warn you that I am ill today. What appeared to be a simple head cold appears to be rearing it's ugly head as a possible case of strep. I'll head off to urgent care in the morning for an official diagnosis. In the mean time I am on a concoction of medications that are barely taking the edge off the pain, but making me more than a little fuzzy in my thinking, which should make it interesting for you (the reader).

The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, Reticular Activating System, Saliency, Zeitgeist, Recency Effect, Coincidence... I suppose any one of these terms might describe what I am about to address. But I think that the Baider-Meinhof Phenomenon has a description that hits the nail on the head. (If is wasn't for other great blessings like my husband, my children, my parents, etc... I would thank God for Google and Wiki... where else would I come up with this kind of information!)

What is the Baader-Meinhof Penomenon? Well I am so glad you asked. Per my village of Wiki friends: The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon occurs when a person, after having learned some (usually obscure) fact, word, phrase, or other item for the first time, encounters that item again, perhaps several times, shortly after having learned it.
The "Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon" was unintentionally coined by readers of the St. Paul Pioneer Press. The Minnesota newspaper runs a daily column called "Bulletin Board," in which readers submit humorous or interesting anecdotes. The term was essentially coined when a reader first submitted a story about how he or she, presumably well read, first heard about the Baader-Meinhof Gang and then heard about it again a short while later from a totally different source. Readers suddenly piled on with their own versions the phenomenon, which quickly came to be known as the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon. Today, all similar stories are published in Bulletin Board under the heading "Baader Meinhof Phenomenon."

So that definition is a little long, but not only am I mesmerized by the concept, but the phenomenon was coined right here in the Twin Cities!!!

The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon is something that I have thought about frequently - well I didn't know that's what it was called. But think about it... remember when you first bought your car and you noticed that what seemed like 25% of the cars out there were the exact same, make, model and color as yours. And if you are pregnant, doesn't it seem everyone around you is pregnant - I guess that works in reverse too... if you can't have a child, everyone is pregnant, if you can't afford a Porche, everyone is driving one. If your wife won't let you own a Boxer dog, everyone else has one. Badder-Meinhof Phonemenon (a.k.a BMP, I think the abbreviation is like BuMP, like a quick bump or thump to remind your brain of that thing again) is all over the place in my life since the start of this adoption process.

I had no idea how many people have adopted. I had no clue that many, many people have biological children and then adopt. I didn't know so many people in my "community" were adopting from, or have ties to, Ethiopia. But it seems like it is everywhere. And every where I turn it seems that someone knows someone who is working with the same adoption agency we are. It really is a small world, isn't it?

BuMP has brought to awareness the number of adoptive, or waiting to adopt mothers who ponder at length on the grief related to adoption. As I have mentioned in previous blogs it is hard to think about the fact that there is so much sadness attached to what it also so full of joy. It all depends on your perspective, or what filter you look through; those rose colored glasses sure are nice, but sometimes they just don't work.

I have read several blogs over the last few days and weeks, with mothers or those waiting to be mothers, who worry about their soon-to-be child as they say good-bye to their birth family. I keep seeing that over and over, the sadness, the worry, the concern. It seems like it is everywhere, BuMP.

Patience too has also BuMPed me lately. Since I have decided that I need to learn to wait "contentedly" I see opportunities everywhere and I am reminded numerous times every day to wait and be in waiting contently - BuMP.

I recently had a negative experience in my life for which I should have been angry. I should have been very upset with someone who seemed to go out of their way to make a difficult situation for me. But I wasn't angry. I didn't have to be. My friends and family who love me so much were angry for me. I was able to continue my daily activities rather than being distracted by sadness and anger because by husband was angry for me, my colleagues were angry for me, and my friends were angry for me. I am so grateful and blesses to have such great people around me!

I wonder if all of us waiting mothers, if all of our grief helps to relieve the grief of our future children. I will carry the grief, contentedly, so that maybe, just maybe, a little less grief will be carried by these children. To the waiting mom's everywhere, thank you. Thank you for your grieving, we carry it so maybe our children won't have to.