Learn a new language and get a new soul. ~Czech Proverb

Every science, discipline, and interest has its own language. Adoption is no exception. Trenton and I are presently learning this "language of adoption". I suppose to the outsider it seems like just another one of those "politically correct" things to do. But we have to pay close attention, because it is not about being PC... it's about how our child will hear what we are saying.

Pat Johnson, in her article "Speaking Positively: An information sheet about adoption language" talks about Positive Adoption Language (PAL). She defines PAL as a vocabulary which has been chosen to assign the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity to the decision made by birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees concerning their family planning decisions.

Some of the terms and ideas are blatantly obvious, it surprises me we have to educate people on some things... but others don't jump out as obvious, not until they are described.

Birth parent, birth family, birth mother, birth father - those people with whom the child shares biological traits.

Parent, family, mother, father, mommy, daddy - those people who love care for and raise and nurture the child.

Use: international adoption Not: foreign adoption - We are going to adopt internationally.
Use: special needs Not: hard to place - Some children have special needs.
Use: adoption plan Not: give up - His birth mother created an adoption plan.
Use: parenting Not: keeping - She is going to parent her baby rather than create an adoption plan.

Pat Johnston also defines the following in her article:
Natural child: any child who is not artificial.
Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

Also, adoption is an action, not a state of being. The child is not an adopted child, the child was adopted.

Why is it all so important? Well I am sure plenty of kids have grown up "just fine" without anyone acknowledging how important these terms are. But, that's not the point, the point is that we want our child to feel welcome and comfortable and loved unconditionally. We want our child to feel that he is equally a part of our family and our family tree, our inheritance, our future and our history. She is not less than because she is adopted. He is due all the rights of biological children, including being protected from words that might hurt or be hard to understand at certain points in his development. She will be our child, he will be our real child. I believe that frequent misuse of terms and language will create confusion and may create delays and barriers in allowing the child to experience their fullness within our family. By using a vocabulary which has been chosen to assign the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity to the decision made by birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees concerning their family planning decisions (Johnston), we hope to allow our children internalize the same dignity and respect for themselves.

I hope to always be able to answer people's questions in a way that is comfortable for me, comfortable for the person asking, and in a way that will be a positive example and role model for all of my children. I hope that our friends, and family and strangers are open to being educated and not put on the defense.

The title of this post "Learn a new language and get a new soul" to me, means a new understanding and compassion, where ignorance existed. A new soul in place of the old ignorance, what an amazing opportunity!