She looks just like you

Transracial adoption is the integration of racially different parents and children within a family unit. As we investigate international adoption we know that our child (or children) will come from a different race and culture than Trenton or I.

I'll take an opportunity in the future to discuss why we chose adoption over other options for expanding our family, but it's not because we just couldn't have more biological children. It is much, much different than that. But here, I will take the opportunity to discuss some of my thoughts about adopting internationally. First and foremost, we want to add to our family, I feel the need to add to our family, and I know God will bring the perfect child or children to us. We have to start somewhere in the adoption process, but why not a domestic adoption, or for that matter, why not choose Russia or some other Eastern European country? Because we want the experiences that come with a transracial adoption. We know it will be hard, we know a lot of factors will come into play, but as Leo F Buscaqlia put it: “The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live." - I really don't know that you can argue with that, and frankly, I don't want to.

At first, in my reading and research I could only find information about reasons that are not good reasons to adopt transracially. The articles supported transracial adoption but said, don't do it because you want to help the world, or support racial integration, don't do it because you feel bad or because you think it is a faster way to get a baby. I agree whole heartedly, those are not good reasons to adopt transracially. I knew my heart wanted to adopt transracially, but my brain couldn't find the words to explain why. I knew if I read enough books I would find someone who could explain it for me. And I did find it. In the book Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall, they write to prepare adoptive parents for the challenges of Transracial adoption. Gail Steinberg writes:

Transracial adoption means that your family becomes "public" because the differences between family members are obvious to others. As a parent, you are on display. If you enjoy being different and standing out from the crowd, as a transracial parent you will get chances every day. On the other hand, if you are shy and like to blend in with others, being out and about with your child is bound to be laborious for you because you will always be noticed. Those of us that are natural hams or easy leaders are likely to find this easier than those who like to be followers or prefer to be one of the crowd. If you share with me an inner feeling of being different, you may find transracial adoption relieving, because it affirms and celebrates that inner sense of being different by making it visible.

The whole paragraph stood out, and jumped off the page at me. What made my heart skip a beat was the line "...it affirms and celebrates that inner sense of being different and making it visible." I am lucky enough to have my Grandma Babe- more on this wonderful and unique individual in a future story. For now, know that she values uniqueness and individuality, she'll teach you to be a leader, not a follower, think for yourself, be yourself and humbly believe you are the best there is as whatever you do- you can't grow up with this woman as a teacher and mentor and want to blend in, you just can't. I also have to believe that there is enough of this philosophy ingrained in me by her, that my children will grow up the same way... they too will believe that being unique and different is worth celebrating!

I have a lot to learn about transracial adoption, I have a lot to learn about my child and the culture and race that is part of who that unique individual will be, my whole family has a lot to learn. But I am so excited to share those experiences with my family, including this little person, in the way that meets each individual's needs. It's not a one-size-fits-all, everyone will learn and experience in their own way. I look forward to being a teacher and student in this experience.

“It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” -Maya Angelou