Salmon fishing expedition 2008: Team Big Shvundo.
My brother indicates that the name of his boat is "Team Big Shvundo". According to him Shvundo means "fun" in Bohemian. I tried to Google it, worried "fun" might roughly translate to some strange innuendo I wasn't prepared for. Google turned up nothing, so I decided I shouldn't be doing any damage by posting the word in my blog (if this is some strange profanity, please notify me immediately, this is a G rated blog!)
Day 1 starts at 2:00am- 1 big boat, 1 Great Lake, 1 motion sickness tablet, 1 extremely long nap (the word "dramamine" translates to "coma" in my world), and 1 big fish, complements of the other fisherwoman on the boat.
Day 2 starts at 1:ooam - ZERO motion sickness medication, 1 bad belly ache, and 7 fish. Two fish complements of my talented fishing (fish on, pole handed to me, and step-by-step instruction on how to reel it in). There was also an interesting CB radio conversation between the "Salmonator" and the "Skinny Dipper" the most hilarious part of the conversation was the names, I don't have more to report on the details of the conversation.
I decided that a Triathlon is easier than Salmon fishing. Though I would prefer another round of Salmon fishing to another Triathlon. But, I plan to do both again.
Thanks to Baby Brother for the excellent chartering job, we all had a blast.
(John O and Fischer, let's go this weekend - Baby Brother approves, weather permitting)
Apparently the assignment of a court date managed to keep me "satisfied" for the weekend. Once I got home I resumed the passion to pack. Another huge round of shopping tonight. I have a bedroom full of Target bags. I have no idea how all that stuff will fit into 4 suitcases, and I still haven't actually packed my clothes. I'd tell you how much we have spent in purchases, but the number is embarrassing.
Edit: I posted this last night and as of this morning this "team shvundo" is now a Googlewhack - ok it's not an official Googlewhack, but it's intriguing. (I found this in one final attempt to make sure "shvundo" is not a profanity in disguise).
Monday, June 30, 2008
Fortune cookies
Tonight Trent and I went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Upon completing this fantastic meal (fanstatic in terms of quanitity, not quality), we were served up a couple of very interesting fortune cookies.
My fortune:
You will take a pleasant journey to a place far away.
Trent's:
Reaffirm your faith in financial plans - make a budget.
Should we dismiss this as coincidence? I think not!
My fortune:
You will take a pleasant journey to a place far away.
Trent's:
Reaffirm your faith in financial plans - make a budget.
Should we dismiss this as coincidence? I think not!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Ethiopia famine - in the news
No more content caution. This is a reality that these people face everyday. Why should you be protected from reading about it? Imagine those who live it.
*** An educational note: if I haven't made the point in a previous blog, we are not adopting in an effort to save a child. We are adopting because we wanted to expand our family and selfishly have a child to hold and love and play with. Also, this child is not "lucky to have a family like us". Luck and "lucky people" don't experience life as described below. I am lucky/blessed, I am the one who benefits from the sacrifice of a woman who loved her son. Every child deserves a loving home, with food, shelter and clothing, it should be a right; it's not his job to be grateful. He's a child who needs to be cared for, we are a family who wants to grow. It was intended by a much greater plan than I could imagine, our paths have intersected.
Our global family suffers, read on:
Hadero, Ethiopia - – One by one, the children are placed on a scale hanging from a makeshift wooden stand.
The mothers look pleadingly at the Doctors Without Borders aid worker, but he keeps his eyes on his clipboard, tallying the figures that determine whether each child is sick enough to eat today.
The scales in a rural clinic in Hadero, Ethiopia, are the latest indicator of the severity of the global food crisis.
There is only enough medicine and high-energy Plumpy'Nut peanut paste for the most severe cases. Outside, hundreds of hungry women and children throng the gates, desperate to go through the same brutal selection process, pushed back by guards brandishing sticks to clear a path for the next in line.
In this African nation, about 10 million people, more than 12 percent of the population, are now in need of emergency food aid after a drought wiped out harvests. But because grain is now twice as expensive as a year ago – if it is available at all – there is not enough food in Ethiopia to feed everyone in need.
Some aid workers are concerned that the combination of forces could force the country into the worst crisis since the infamous Ethiopian famine that killed an estimated 1 million people and was brought home to millions of television viewers across the world in the mid-1980s.
'Prioritizing' aid
Aid workers and government officials are thus forced to "prioritize," a harsh but necessary part of any relief effort, but rarely as grim a task as in Ethiopia at present.
"People don't know yet how widespread and severe the world hunger crisis is," says David Beckmann, president of Washington D.C.-based Bread for the World. "The gruesome things now happening in Ethiopia may be the first example of a country that's being pushed into a humanitarian crisis partly because of bad weather, but partly because of the high price of food and the high price of fuel."
The World Food Program, for example, is supposed to be doing its part by procuring emergency rations sufficient for 4.6 million Ethiopians, but because of rising expenses it only has the grain, oil, and corn-soya blend for about half that number.
Not much food left to buy
Ethiopia's foreign-funded welfare system, the Productive Safety Net Program, may get around the food shortage by simply handing out cash to some of its beneficiaries who need extra help this year due to the drought. But even with cash in hand, some worry whether there will be any food at all left to buy.
The shortfall in this so-called preventative component of the relief effort means that clinics like the one in Hadero could be thronged by even larger crowds of women and children in mortal need of intensive, and expensive, treatment.
"It is quite important to inject food rapidly into the community," says François Colas, country director in Ethiopia for the Belgian chapter of Doctors without Borders. "As long as food isn't distributed, we will see people falling into severe malnutrition."
The Ethiopian government said earlier this month that 75,000 children are already in peril from the drought.
Most are now in the country's southern lowlands, though the crisis is spreading to the northern highlands.
Drought-stricken zones have been divided into six priority levels, depending on the prevalence of malnourishment.
The largest aid efforts are now under way in areas in the top two categories.
How villages bear the hunger
Still, the crisis does not conform to administrative boundaries, and on the edges of aid operations, some villages are quietly bearing their hunger.
In the Ethiopian village of Kamecho, in one area on the cusp of a priority zone, a young boy jogs along the muddy path, dutifully pointing out the households with malnourished children.
Word spreads that a foreigner has arrived at this remote spot, accessible only by a footbridge.
Parents emerge from huts and fields carrying listless children appear from their huts and fields carrying listless children. One woman marches to the center of the gathering crowd with a bundle in her arms.
She throws the threadbare blanket to the ground and holds up her frightened daughter, the child's lip quivering as her eyes dart from face to face, her bony legs swinging limply below her swollen belly.
She had brought her daughter to a nearby clinic for help, but when the staff discovered that the child was not only malnourished but afflicted with tuberculosis, they referred the child to a hospital 34 miles away in Hosaina.
One staff member, speaking anonymously, says that every week the clinic refers as many as six cases of malnourished children with complications, knowing that most will never make it.
"We refer the kids to the hospital in the hope that they will of course go and be healed, but that is usually not the case, and it is horrible," he says.
Neighbors tell a similar story in Kamecho.
Unable to afford transportation to the hospital, they returned to plow their fields in hope that their children will survive another two months until the next harvest.
The Irish organization Concern says that help may come sooner if it secures the resources to set up operations in the area.
All together, aid operations in Ethiopia will need at least another $300 million this year to fill the shortfall.
The US, Britain, and other countries are likely to step up, but even if these donors provide more funds tomorrow, it will take as long as eight weeks to procure food internationally.
And once reaches the country, truckers are in short supply to distribute the aid, sometimes canceling delivery contracts at the last minute as more lucrative opportunities arise.
Until more aid arrives, government agencies and international organizations are likely to continue to concentrate their resources in the neediest areas – weighing the indicators by the much more convenient statistical scale.
By Nicholas Benequista Correspondent of The Christian Science Monitor
from the June 27, 2008 edition
*** An educational note: if I haven't made the point in a previous blog, we are not adopting in an effort to save a child. We are adopting because we wanted to expand our family and selfishly have a child to hold and love and play with. Also, this child is not "lucky to have a family like us". Luck and "lucky people" don't experience life as described below. I am lucky/blessed, I am the one who benefits from the sacrifice of a woman who loved her son. Every child deserves a loving home, with food, shelter and clothing, it should be a right; it's not his job to be grateful. He's a child who needs to be cared for, we are a family who wants to grow. It was intended by a much greater plan than I could imagine, our paths have intersected.
Our global family suffers, read on:
Hadero, Ethiopia - – One by one, the children are placed on a scale hanging from a makeshift wooden stand.
The mothers look pleadingly at the Doctors Without Borders aid worker, but he keeps his eyes on his clipboard, tallying the figures that determine whether each child is sick enough to eat today.
The scales in a rural clinic in Hadero, Ethiopia, are the latest indicator of the severity of the global food crisis.
There is only enough medicine and high-energy Plumpy'Nut peanut paste for the most severe cases. Outside, hundreds of hungry women and children throng the gates, desperate to go through the same brutal selection process, pushed back by guards brandishing sticks to clear a path for the next in line.
In this African nation, about 10 million people, more than 12 percent of the population, are now in need of emergency food aid after a drought wiped out harvests. But because grain is now twice as expensive as a year ago – if it is available at all – there is not enough food in Ethiopia to feed everyone in need.
Some aid workers are concerned that the combination of forces could force the country into the worst crisis since the infamous Ethiopian famine that killed an estimated 1 million people and was brought home to millions of television viewers across the world in the mid-1980s.
'Prioritizing' aid
Aid workers and government officials are thus forced to "prioritize," a harsh but necessary part of any relief effort, but rarely as grim a task as in Ethiopia at present.
"People don't know yet how widespread and severe the world hunger crisis is," says David Beckmann, president of Washington D.C.-based Bread for the World. "The gruesome things now happening in Ethiopia may be the first example of a country that's being pushed into a humanitarian crisis partly because of bad weather, but partly because of the high price of food and the high price of fuel."
The World Food Program, for example, is supposed to be doing its part by procuring emergency rations sufficient for 4.6 million Ethiopians, but because of rising expenses it only has the grain, oil, and corn-soya blend for about half that number.
Not much food left to buy
Ethiopia's foreign-funded welfare system, the Productive Safety Net Program, may get around the food shortage by simply handing out cash to some of its beneficiaries who need extra help this year due to the drought. But even with cash in hand, some worry whether there will be any food at all left to buy.
The shortfall in this so-called preventative component of the relief effort means that clinics like the one in Hadero could be thronged by even larger crowds of women and children in mortal need of intensive, and expensive, treatment.
"It is quite important to inject food rapidly into the community," says François Colas, country director in Ethiopia for the Belgian chapter of Doctors without Borders. "As long as food isn't distributed, we will see people falling into severe malnutrition."
The Ethiopian government said earlier this month that 75,000 children are already in peril from the drought.
Most are now in the country's southern lowlands, though the crisis is spreading to the northern highlands.
Drought-stricken zones have been divided into six priority levels, depending on the prevalence of malnourishment.
The largest aid efforts are now under way in areas in the top two categories.
How villages bear the hunger
Still, the crisis does not conform to administrative boundaries, and on the edges of aid operations, some villages are quietly bearing their hunger.
In the Ethiopian village of Kamecho, in one area on the cusp of a priority zone, a young boy jogs along the muddy path, dutifully pointing out the households with malnourished children.
Word spreads that a foreigner has arrived at this remote spot, accessible only by a footbridge.
Parents emerge from huts and fields carrying listless children appear from their huts and fields carrying listless children. One woman marches to the center of the gathering crowd with a bundle in her arms.
She throws the threadbare blanket to the ground and holds up her frightened daughter, the child's lip quivering as her eyes dart from face to face, her bony legs swinging limply below her swollen belly.
She had brought her daughter to a nearby clinic for help, but when the staff discovered that the child was not only malnourished but afflicted with tuberculosis, they referred the child to a hospital 34 miles away in Hosaina.
One staff member, speaking anonymously, says that every week the clinic refers as many as six cases of malnourished children with complications, knowing that most will never make it.
"We refer the kids to the hospital in the hope that they will of course go and be healed, but that is usually not the case, and it is horrible," he says.
Neighbors tell a similar story in Kamecho.
Unable to afford transportation to the hospital, they returned to plow their fields in hope that their children will survive another two months until the next harvest.
The Irish organization Concern says that help may come sooner if it secures the resources to set up operations in the area.
All together, aid operations in Ethiopia will need at least another $300 million this year to fill the shortfall.
The US, Britain, and other countries are likely to step up, but even if these donors provide more funds tomorrow, it will take as long as eight weeks to procure food internationally.
And once reaches the country, truckers are in short supply to distribute the aid, sometimes canceling delivery contracts at the last minute as more lucrative opportunities arise.
Until more aid arrives, government agencies and international organizations are likely to continue to concentrate their resources in the neediest areas – weighing the indicators by the much more convenient statistical scale.
By Nicholas Benequista Correspondent of The Christian Science Monitor
from the June 27, 2008 edition
Friday, June 27, 2008
Like cold water to a weary soul, is good news from a distant land.- Proverbs
Court date scheduled!
We received an e-mail from our country specialist today informing us that our court date is scheduled. July 18. Of course the e-mail included several "disclaimers" about how we may not get through on the 18th or how we may not be notified for a few days. after the 18th But we are, in fact, one little step closer by having this date!!!
What this means is that all of the legal processing of the adoption in Ethiopia will be complete on this day (or at least we can hope). Tamene will officially/legally be our child. Next we wait for the birth certificate to arrive in the US. Once we have it here, we will be scheduled for travel. Ethiopia regularly has power outages, this would be one issue that might prevent us from getting through court. Apparently, the power goes out and people go home. No generator, no worries, just another power outage. Yes, I have asked if we can purchase a generator for them, apparently not.
The main goal is to get through court before the end of the July. Reminder: Courts close in August and September. If we don't get through now, it will be October before his birth certificate is processed. Hoping, praying, wishing, thinking, crossing fingers...
We received an e-mail from our country specialist today informing us that our court date is scheduled. July 18. Of course the e-mail included several "disclaimers" about how we may not get through on the 18th or how we may not be notified for a few days. after the 18th But we are, in fact, one little step closer by having this date!!!
What this means is that all of the legal processing of the adoption in Ethiopia will be complete on this day (or at least we can hope). Tamene will officially/legally be our child. Next we wait for the birth certificate to arrive in the US. Once we have it here, we will be scheduled for travel. Ethiopia regularly has power outages, this would be one issue that might prevent us from getting through court. Apparently, the power goes out and people go home. No generator, no worries, just another power outage. Yes, I have asked if we can purchase a generator for them, apparently not.
The main goal is to get through court before the end of the July. Reminder: Courts close in August and September. If we don't get through now, it will be October before his birth certificate is processed. Hoping, praying, wishing, thinking, crossing fingers...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Current Events
Font page:
No new news on the adoption front (see below for more info).
Sports: Tuesday I biked 40 miles. Forty, 4-0. Now, I have no idea why anyone would want to bike that far if there is not money or a prize involved. Nothing, just a leisure activity. Why? I don't know why. But I would do it again. It felt great (we've already confirmed I am crazy, so why fight it). It was the most stress relieving activity I have ever participated in. I felt like a new person. Forty miles ending at a friend's cabin, where a one hour nap ensued. After the nap, back on the bikes for a short ride to a cheeseburger. Now I have to admit, I think this would make a great triathlon: Bike, Sleep, Eat. If that were an actual event I bet I could come in second or third, at least! I feel an Olympic event coming on. Beijing here I come!
Career: Work is great too. First team meeting today, with my new team. It went well. I guess I should have asked the team to give a rating at the end of the meeting so I could accurately report how well it went. I thought it went great, I am really excited to work with this team. But I don't know if they feel the same (just because I don't know, not because anything went wrong). Anyway, great people; I can't wait until the work with this team is my main focus, my main focus at work. I do already miss my "old" team. I made friends, I will get to see most of them on Monday. I am looking forward to that. I am lucky/blessed/fortunate to work with such great people. And I am finding that I like the cube I am sitting in (Scott Adams would be so disappointed in me), there are great people close by there too. Though I did briefly think a cube neighbor was going to hit me with a billy stick (is that what they call it, someone e-mail me if I am using an incorrect name or term for that big stick cops carry around). Anyway, I am jumpy and he swung the "billy stick" over the cube wall. Apparently it was actually a fishing pole, I don't know, it almost gave me a heart attack. Now that, Scott Adams could use (Dilbert author, for those of you who don't know).
Travel/Entertainment: There is a Salmon fishing expedition in my future. This event will be chartered by my brother. I received a complete report yesterday about the weather, water temperature, fishing time, location, and potential "catch of the day". I was given information about the best way to dress, eat, drink and medicate (ginger pills??) for this adventure. Apparently, in the worst case scenario, I will be dressed like I am going ice fishing, with a wind chill of cold air coming off the lake that may make it feel less than forty degrees. Best case scenario, warm weather, calm waters, and King Salmon on the line. I keep thinking about the show "Deadliest Catch". The main goal is to get on the water, catch a fish then say, "Wow, I can't believe we did that".
Adoption: On the unofficial list we are #7 waiting for a court date. Our country specialist says we are in the next "batch" of people who will get a court date. If I had to guess we will have our court date assigned next week and it will probably be for July 14 or 17. If that all works we are still looking at travel in late August. Today I decided I was done waiting, I just want to go get him. I have watched that video so many times. I just want to go get him (did I say that already?). When I watch the video I see a child, and another child, oh yeah there's that other kid, and then there is MY SON. Mine, he is mine. I want to go get him. I could get a flight to Ethiopia next week, it would cost a small fortune, but then I could hold him. I e-mailed my social worker, I told her I needed info, some info, any info. She e-mailed me some links to read, I guess that's info so I sure can't complain. Not exactly the info I was looking for, but I can't fault her, she exceeded my expectations considering she can't offer me a court date or a plane ride. Based on the links she sent, a future blog topic will be about why it's important to notice and celebrate culture and diversity.
Money and Business: Trent has started a woodworking business in addition to his full time career. He is making adirondack chairs.
Classifieds: Adirondack chairs for sale. If you are interested e-mail me.
Weather: Minnesota, it's summer. 80 and sunny. Ethiopia, it's the rainy season. It's raining.
Trivia: Milaca has an interesting meaning in Greek (per my mother). Unless you have biked forty miles with me from Milaca you are not allowed to ask me the meaning - it's trivia, look it up.
Funnies: (There isn't much humor related to adoption that wouldn't offend someone, including me. I am NOT out to offend, I thought this was PC and a little cute - also a great lead-in to my future blog about celebrating diversity)
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top branches of the tree. He jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female bird says to the male, "Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."
No new news on the adoption front (see below for more info).
Sports: Tuesday I biked 40 miles. Forty, 4-0. Now, I have no idea why anyone would want to bike that far if there is not money or a prize involved. Nothing, just a leisure activity. Why? I don't know why. But I would do it again. It felt great (we've already confirmed I am crazy, so why fight it). It was the most stress relieving activity I have ever participated in. I felt like a new person. Forty miles ending at a friend's cabin, where a one hour nap ensued. After the nap, back on the bikes for a short ride to a cheeseburger. Now I have to admit, I think this would make a great triathlon: Bike, Sleep, Eat. If that were an actual event I bet I could come in second or third, at least! I feel an Olympic event coming on. Beijing here I come!
Career: Work is great too. First team meeting today, with my new team. It went well. I guess I should have asked the team to give a rating at the end of the meeting so I could accurately report how well it went. I thought it went great, I am really excited to work with this team. But I don't know if they feel the same (just because I don't know, not because anything went wrong). Anyway, great people; I can't wait until the work with this team is my main focus, my main focus at work. I do already miss my "old" team. I made friends, I will get to see most of them on Monday. I am looking forward to that. I am lucky/blessed/fortunate to work with such great people. And I am finding that I like the cube I am sitting in (Scott Adams would be so disappointed in me), there are great people close by there too. Though I did briefly think a cube neighbor was going to hit me with a billy stick (is that what they call it, someone e-mail me if I am using an incorrect name or term for that big stick cops carry around). Anyway, I am jumpy and he swung the "billy stick" over the cube wall. Apparently it was actually a fishing pole, I don't know, it almost gave me a heart attack. Now that, Scott Adams could use (Dilbert author, for those of you who don't know).
Travel/Entertainment: There is a Salmon fishing expedition in my future. This event will be chartered by my brother. I received a complete report yesterday about the weather, water temperature, fishing time, location, and potential "catch of the day". I was given information about the best way to dress, eat, drink and medicate (ginger pills??) for this adventure. Apparently, in the worst case scenario, I will be dressed like I am going ice fishing, with a wind chill of cold air coming off the lake that may make it feel less than forty degrees. Best case scenario, warm weather, calm waters, and King Salmon on the line. I keep thinking about the show "Deadliest Catch". The main goal is to get on the water, catch a fish then say, "Wow, I can't believe we did that".
Adoption: On the unofficial list we are #7 waiting for a court date. Our country specialist says we are in the next "batch" of people who will get a court date. If I had to guess we will have our court date assigned next week and it will probably be for July 14 or 17. If that all works we are still looking at travel in late August. Today I decided I was done waiting, I just want to go get him. I have watched that video so many times. I just want to go get him (did I say that already?). When I watch the video I see a child, and another child, oh yeah there's that other kid, and then there is MY SON. Mine, he is mine. I want to go get him. I could get a flight to Ethiopia next week, it would cost a small fortune, but then I could hold him. I e-mailed my social worker, I told her I needed info, some info, any info. She e-mailed me some links to read, I guess that's info so I sure can't complain. Not exactly the info I was looking for, but I can't fault her, she exceeded my expectations considering she can't offer me a court date or a plane ride. Based on the links she sent, a future blog topic will be about why it's important to notice and celebrate culture and diversity.
Money and Business: Trent has started a woodworking business in addition to his full time career. He is making adirondack chairs.
Classifieds: Adirondack chairs for sale. If you are interested e-mail me.
Weather: Minnesota, it's summer. 80 and sunny. Ethiopia, it's the rainy season. It's raining.
Trivia: Milaca has an interesting meaning in Greek (per my mother). Unless you have biked forty miles with me from Milaca you are not allowed to ask me the meaning - it's trivia, look it up.
Funnies: (There isn't much humor related to adoption that wouldn't offend someone, including me. I am NOT out to offend, I thought this was PC and a little cute - also a great lead-in to my future blog about celebrating diversity)
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top branches of the tree. He jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female bird says to the male, "Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Perspective on perspectives
Perspectives, filters, perceptions, glass-half-full vs. glass-half-empty. I believe we create our own reality; we decide what our reality means to us. Did this bad thing happen to me because I should learn a lesson, or because the world is out to get me? Did this good thing happen because I worked hard and it was a goal, or because of luck?
This was somewhat of a "fortune" I received yesterday:
"Ask, believe, receive."
I believe that is true, if you ask and believe you shall receive (can be implied with or without religious connotations, you make the call).
So, how is it that this seems to work better for some than for others? It's all about that perspective, the color of our glasses, the view, the attitude, the beliefs.
Here are some quotes I found in a research for quotes on "perspective":
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller
What we see depends mainly on what we look for. - John Lubbock
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Winston Churchill
Why is this important? There are a few reasons these thoughts come to me today, but here is one example. The adoption, telling the story to two people gets very different reactions. Honestly, it's an amazing phenomenon. It takes a little work to keep myself balanced in how to respond to these variations.
If I tell someone we are adopting one person says, "how exciting, how great, you must be so excited," the next person days, "so his mom just gave him away?" I feel the need to be prepared for any action, reaction, or response. "Yes we are excited," or "His mother was unable to take care of him, she did not 'give him away', she make the unselfish decision to provide for his health and future." I do not judge people for their responses, I only hold myself accountable for my reaction and understanding of the situation. It's for me to understand and educate, not to judge.
The quotes above deserve to be read slowly and purposefully. They deserve respect from all perspectives, the authors share their observation about perspective. Yes, Helen Keller, I am willing to learn to be brave and patient (wait contentedly).
This was somewhat of a "fortune" I received yesterday:
"Ask, believe, receive."
I believe that is true, if you ask and believe you shall receive (can be implied with or without religious connotations, you make the call).
So, how is it that this seems to work better for some than for others? It's all about that perspective, the color of our glasses, the view, the attitude, the beliefs.
Here are some quotes I found in a research for quotes on "perspective":
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world. - Helen Keller
What we see depends mainly on what we look for. - John Lubbock
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Winston Churchill
Why is this important? There are a few reasons these thoughts come to me today, but here is one example. The adoption, telling the story to two people gets very different reactions. Honestly, it's an amazing phenomenon. It takes a little work to keep myself balanced in how to respond to these variations.
If I tell someone we are adopting one person says, "how exciting, how great, you must be so excited," the next person days, "so his mom just gave him away?" I feel the need to be prepared for any action, reaction, or response. "Yes we are excited," or "His mother was unable to take care of him, she did not 'give him away', she make the unselfish decision to provide for his health and future." I do not judge people for their responses, I only hold myself accountable for my reaction and understanding of the situation. It's for me to understand and educate, not to judge.
The quotes above deserve to be read slowly and purposefully. They deserve respect from all perspectives, the authors share their observation about perspective. Yes, Helen Keller, I am willing to learn to be brave and patient (wait contentedly).
Monday, June 23, 2008
C'mon let's celebrate!
I've been a little distracted lately, a lot going on and a lot of trouble focusing. I feel tired, exhausted and overwhelmed. Too much focus on expectations. I am only human, I just can't meet my own standards and everyone else's. That said, I wanted to post, but really don't know where to start, so I am looking for some positives to catch/keep my focus. I hope these make you smile and maybe even think a little. (clearly thoughts from a scattered mind).
Did you know this is National Turkey Lovers' Month (June)? I'd like to interpret this as "Love the country of Turkey and it's people", versus the animal or as a form of food. And for those of you who don't know, I am Turkish and you should feel free to celebrate my existence in whatever way results in gifts and kind words for me.
Also, today, June 23, is National Pink Day. I am wearing pink and would like some bonus points from the universe for this. I don't normally wear pink, so don't try to dismiss it as coincidence, clearly there is some important meaning here, I just have to figure out what it is. :-)
Most importantly, tomorrow is National/International/Global Forgiveness Day. I can't find any solid documentation on this day being sanctioned, but is there really a day that you would say is not, or cannot, be Forgiveness Day? We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Everyone has different standards and sometimes we just need to have a heart of forgiveness that it's ok that people may not meet our expectations. It's ok that everyone is different. Forgive yourself, forgive a friend or family member. Forgive and have peace.
June 28 is National Let-it-Go day. So if you just can't bring yourself to forgive, you have 5 days to "let-it-go". Whatever has been bothering you... let it go.
Here is one final thought - I was looking for quotes on the subject of clarity. I found this interesting quote:
When the defects of others are perceived with so much clarity, it is because one possesses them oneself - Jules Rendard
(Trent's psychoanalysis of this blog is that it is representative of how I have been feeling lately, that I would find crazy holidays, represents that I have been feeling crazy lately!)
Did you know this is National Turkey Lovers' Month (June)? I'd like to interpret this as "Love the country of Turkey and it's people", versus the animal or as a form of food. And for those of you who don't know, I am Turkish and you should feel free to celebrate my existence in whatever way results in gifts and kind words for me.
Also, today, June 23, is National Pink Day. I am wearing pink and would like some bonus points from the universe for this. I don't normally wear pink, so don't try to dismiss it as coincidence, clearly there is some important meaning here, I just have to figure out what it is. :-)
Most importantly, tomorrow is National/International/Global Forgiveness Day. I can't find any solid documentation on this day being sanctioned, but is there really a day that you would say is not, or cannot, be Forgiveness Day? We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Everyone has different standards and sometimes we just need to have a heart of forgiveness that it's ok that people may not meet our expectations. It's ok that everyone is different. Forgive yourself, forgive a friend or family member. Forgive and have peace.
June 28 is National Let-it-Go day. So if you just can't bring yourself to forgive, you have 5 days to "let-it-go". Whatever has been bothering you... let it go.
Here is one final thought - I was looking for quotes on the subject of clarity. I found this interesting quote:
When the defects of others are perceived with so much clarity, it is because one possesses them oneself - Jules Rendard
(Trent's psychoanalysis of this blog is that it is representative of how I have been feeling lately, that I would find crazy holidays, represents that I have been feeling crazy lately!)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
What's in a name?
As mentioned in previous blogs (see June 6 blog), Tamene's full name would be announced soon. Here it is directly from the letter I recieved tonight:
Finally.... :)
I had several thought processes behind how to pick Tamene's middle name and perhaps the biggest reason came before I even knew I would be blessed with this wonderful opportunity. When Kami and I went to 6th grade Home-Ec class a wonderful young man was in our class. His name was David. Everyday David would make being in class fun. We got to see the male perspective of Hom-Ec class from how to bake a cake (I think that was via Country Store), sewing (throw it away), to child rearing (babysitters are a good option here). One of the most pertinent memories I have (and we still laugh about this to this today) is always getting in trouble when we'd cook something and everyone would each pick food out of the same bowl. "There are no community bowls allowed in class!!!" Which when you're 11 years old was one of the most meaningless statements ever made. Who has germs at age 11?! Who cares about germs at age 11? David always had a funny comeback!
A few days after we graduated high school David was involved in a horrible car accident. He lived in a vegetative state for 10 years before passing away. David, although a relatively small part of my life, was and still is very memorable to me. He was so caring, funny, intelligent and warm hearted. I often thought if I ever had a son I'd like to include David in his name.
Let's speed up to the present. After Kami told me they were looking into adoption I jokingly emailed her "Do I get to name the baby?" Her response floored me, I have never been so touched by the beautiful email she sent back to me. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. She told me about how she has always thought of me as her sister, even going as far as including me in her family tree in college. Her and Trenton would be honored for me to pick the middle name. I couldn't believe it!! I was only joking! So out I set on my journey....
In looking for a middle name for Tamene I couldn't find a named I liked. Tamene means trustworthy in Ethiopian. Kami and Trent left the decision completely up to me on whether it would be an American name or an Ethiopian name. After much thought; I decided it would be a good idea to give him an American name in case in his future he wanted to go by a more 'common name'. I spent many hours on the internet looking for a name that would go with trustworthy. I looked up names that meant spirit, or soul, but nothing seemed to fit. I went as far as to look at every boy baby name on one website.
I asked Kaylie [my daughter], to help me look for names. She had a few that she liked, but when we looked them up they didn't seem like a good match. I then looked up the name David which means beloved. That's how Kami's email made me feel: Loved. I started to break apart the name David. Angelisa shares the i, Naven's name has the v, Kami is the a, but nothing for Trenton. I didn't want to leave Trenton out, how fair would that be? This wonderful family is opening their hearts and home to bring in a precious gift, I wanted everyone to be included. Then I found the name Davidson, we got the o for Trenton! I was so excited!! I did it. By naming him Davidson everyone already in the Peterson family will truly be a part of his middle name. (Has anyone yet made the Harley Davidson connection?) But....Davidson? Is that a little to unique? Is it ok with them for name to be Tamene Davidson Peterson?
I called Kam, I needed input. We talked through why I choose it, what it meant, and what it meant to me. He could go by Davidson, David, Dave. She loved it (really, she was just as giddy as when she called me on June 11th to tell me she was flying out to go get him because he was so cute and she had to have him this very minute!), now I just needed Trenton's buy in. We talked about it, I again explained my thought process behind it and left it up to them. A few hours later Trenton called back, they liked it. I was so excited. What an opportunity for me to be included in this wonderful life learning experience!
To Tamene: I am so excited to meet you! I can't wait to hold you in my arms and love you just as much as I love the other two Peterson children.
Tamene Davidson Peterson, welcome to our family!!!
The most touching part of this letter is the fact that he is welcomed to "our family" which includes these precious souls who helped chose the name!!
With the utmost gratitude and honor we will bless our child with this name and all the special meaning included.
Edited: Just as a point of information I found the following: Tammana - Amharic, “he was trusted; he relied” I found this name - I bet it is Tamene - his language is not written/documented as I understand it, so spelling is a guess. Anyway, I thought it was interesting, and this spelling gives another perspective on the pronunciation. I look forward to hearing his mother say his name.
Finally.... :)
I had several thought processes behind how to pick Tamene's middle name and perhaps the biggest reason came before I even knew I would be blessed with this wonderful opportunity. When Kami and I went to 6th grade Home-Ec class a wonderful young man was in our class. His name was David. Everyday David would make being in class fun. We got to see the male perspective of Hom-Ec class from how to bake a cake (I think that was via Country Store), sewing (throw it away), to child rearing (babysitters are a good option here). One of the most pertinent memories I have (and we still laugh about this to this today) is always getting in trouble when we'd cook something and everyone would each pick food out of the same bowl. "There are no community bowls allowed in class!!!" Which when you're 11 years old was one of the most meaningless statements ever made. Who has germs at age 11?! Who cares about germs at age 11? David always had a funny comeback!
A few days after we graduated high school David was involved in a horrible car accident. He lived in a vegetative state for 10 years before passing away. David, although a relatively small part of my life, was and still is very memorable to me. He was so caring, funny, intelligent and warm hearted. I often thought if I ever had a son I'd like to include David in his name.
Let's speed up to the present. After Kami told me they were looking into adoption I jokingly emailed her "Do I get to name the baby?" Her response floored me, I have never been so touched by the beautiful email she sent back to me. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. She told me about how she has always thought of me as her sister, even going as far as including me in her family tree in college. Her and Trenton would be honored for me to pick the middle name. I couldn't believe it!! I was only joking! So out I set on my journey....
In looking for a middle name for Tamene I couldn't find a named I liked. Tamene means trustworthy in Ethiopian. Kami and Trent left the decision completely up to me on whether it would be an American name or an Ethiopian name. After much thought; I decided it would be a good idea to give him an American name in case in his future he wanted to go by a more 'common name'. I spent many hours on the internet looking for a name that would go with trustworthy. I looked up names that meant spirit, or soul, but nothing seemed to fit. I went as far as to look at every boy baby name on one website.
I asked Kaylie [my daughter], to help me look for names. She had a few that she liked, but when we looked them up they didn't seem like a good match. I then looked up the name David which means beloved. That's how Kami's email made me feel: Loved. I started to break apart the name David. Angelisa shares the i, Naven's name has the v, Kami is the a, but nothing for Trenton. I didn't want to leave Trenton out, how fair would that be? This wonderful family is opening their hearts and home to bring in a precious gift, I wanted everyone to be included. Then I found the name Davidson, we got the o for Trenton! I was so excited!! I did it. By naming him Davidson everyone already in the Peterson family will truly be a part of his middle name. (Has anyone yet made the Harley Davidson connection?) But....Davidson? Is that a little to unique? Is it ok with them for name to be Tamene Davidson Peterson?
I called Kam, I needed input. We talked through why I choose it, what it meant, and what it meant to me. He could go by Davidson, David, Dave. She loved it (really, she was just as giddy as when she called me on June 11th to tell me she was flying out to go get him because he was so cute and she had to have him this very minute!), now I just needed Trenton's buy in. We talked about it, I again explained my thought process behind it and left it up to them. A few hours later Trenton called back, they liked it. I was so excited. What an opportunity for me to be included in this wonderful life learning experience!
To Tamene: I am so excited to meet you! I can't wait to hold you in my arms and love you just as much as I love the other two Peterson children.
Tamene Davidson Peterson, welcome to our family!!!
The most touching part of this letter is the fact that he is welcomed to "our family" which includes these precious souls who helped chose the name!!
With the utmost gratitude and honor we will bless our child with this name and all the special meaning included.
Edited: Just as a point of information I found the following: Tammana - Amharic, “he was trusted; he relied” I found this name - I bet it is Tamene - his language is not written/documented as I understand it, so spelling is a guess. Anyway, I thought it was interesting, and this spelling gives another perspective on the pronunciation. I look forward to hearing his mother say his name.
Friday, June 20, 2008
FAQ
Many of you have e-mailed me with specific questions about the adoption (or a recent billboard sighting), so I thought I would use this blog to answer some of those questions:
Q: What is his name?
A: Tamene
Q: How do you say his name?
A: Ta men ay (there isn't an accent on a syllable).
Q: What does his name mean?
A: It means "trustworthy".
Q: Are you going to keep his name?
A: Yes, his first name will be Tamene, we will be announcing his full name soon.
Q: When will you get him?
A: In the next 7-14 days (or so) we should get a call with a "court date". This means that Ethiopia will be issuing a new Birth Certificate and we will officially be his parents. Then we wait for the Birth Certificate to arrive in the US (another 3-4 weeks). Once the Birth Certificate is here we will be scheduled to travel (another 3-4 weeks). If this all goes quickly we should be home with him by the end of August. If we hit any snags it will probably late October.
Q: Will you have to go to Ethiopia to get him?
A: Yes, we will be there for 7 days (it is about a 24 hour plane ride, so we will be away from home for 9 days).
Q: How long has he been in the care center, what is his story before he came to the care center?
A: He came to the care center in May (2008). He was with his mother prior to that time. She took very good care of him and she loved him very much. The details of his story are private and belong to him. Once he is old enough to share his own story, he will decide what to share and who to share it with.
Q: Can you send him toys, etc. now?
A: We were able to send him some pictures of our family and a blanket. We also sent the recordings we made of songs and stories.
Q: Are you excited?
A: Yes.
Q: Is it hard to wait?
A: Yes.
Q: Do you have any new updates?
A: Yes, we received a video from the care center this week. The video is approximately 6 minutes long and shows him playing, eating, drinking, climbing stairs, and smiling, smiling, smiling! Last we week also recieved a report telling us how well he plays with others and listens to his nannies.
Q: Is he perfect?
A: Ok, so no one really asked that questions, but just for the record, YES.
Q: Is that your smiling face on Interstate 94?
A: Yes.
I am happy to field any other questions. Thanks for your interest and following our journey! Also, thanks for your prayers and best wishes, they are very much appreciated!
Q: What is his name?
A: Tamene
Q: How do you say his name?
A: Ta men ay (there isn't an accent on a syllable).
Q: What does his name mean?
A: It means "trustworthy".
Q: Are you going to keep his name?
A: Yes, his first name will be Tamene, we will be announcing his full name soon.
Q: When will you get him?
A: In the next 7-14 days (or so) we should get a call with a "court date". This means that Ethiopia will be issuing a new Birth Certificate and we will officially be his parents. Then we wait for the Birth Certificate to arrive in the US (another 3-4 weeks). Once the Birth Certificate is here we will be scheduled to travel (another 3-4 weeks). If this all goes quickly we should be home with him by the end of August. If we hit any snags it will probably late October.
Q: Will you have to go to Ethiopia to get him?
A: Yes, we will be there for 7 days (it is about a 24 hour plane ride, so we will be away from home for 9 days).
Q: How long has he been in the care center, what is his story before he came to the care center?
A: He came to the care center in May (2008). He was with his mother prior to that time. She took very good care of him and she loved him very much. The details of his story are private and belong to him. Once he is old enough to share his own story, he will decide what to share and who to share it with.
Q: Can you send him toys, etc. now?
A: We were able to send him some pictures of our family and a blanket. We also sent the recordings we made of songs and stories.
Q: Are you excited?
A: Yes.
Q: Is it hard to wait?
A: Yes.
Q: Do you have any new updates?
A: Yes, we received a video from the care center this week. The video is approximately 6 minutes long and shows him playing, eating, drinking, climbing stairs, and smiling, smiling, smiling! Last we week also recieved a report telling us how well he plays with others and listens to his nannies.
Q: Is he perfect?
A: Ok, so no one really asked that questions, but just for the record, YES.
Q: Is that your smiling face on Interstate 94?
A: Yes.
I am happy to field any other questions. Thanks for your interest and following our journey! Also, thanks for your prayers and best wishes, they are very much appreciated!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Shop 'til you drop (and other ways I over do everything)
Where should I start? I found myself in a bit of a pickle yesterday. So much to do... do I do, or do I plan? Should I plan what I need to do next, or just do what I need to do? I love lists. Make a list and check it off. I love a box with a little check mark in it. At work I make lists and each "to-do" item has a little box in front of it, then when I have desk time, I look for all those little boxes and check, check, check. Planning would be required if I want all those little checks. The little checks represent sanity. They are like a bank account, if I have too many boxes and no checks, that is very, very bad. I always have to be ready with the checks to keep my accounts balanced.
In my head there was a list, it included endless, endless, huge stacks of paperwork that needed to be completed for travel, impossible to make phone calls to government agencies, packing ten suitecases filled with carts and carts of items to be purchased from Target. And these HUGE tasks in my head were not possible to complete... There I was in my head pushing around the red shopping carts, with nearly a thousand dollars in merchandise at Target I had to pull two on my own, and my kids where their hungry and needing to urgently use the bathroom. How would I ever survive?
Thank God (litterally) for my friend who is willing to give me a reality check. "Kamille, snap out of it! What do you NEED to do? I need to make a list. So I did, I did make a list. And after 2 hours of paperwork, copies and forms, the paperwork was done. After printing 5 pages of lists of items to purchase, we made it through half the list in an hour for around $300 at Target, with two content little girls who only needed to be bribed with the purchase of Polly Pockets to tolerate this shopping trip. After two weeks of insane worry and anxiety and several sleepless nights I resolved the issue within 3-4 working hours. I shouldn't say I - we resolved it. Trent and my friend helped me through it. Less then 24 hours from the chaotic list in my head there are 5 pages of lists just full of checks.
I feel better.
In my head there was a list, it included endless, endless, huge stacks of paperwork that needed to be completed for travel, impossible to make phone calls to government agencies, packing ten suitecases filled with carts and carts of items to be purchased from Target. And these HUGE tasks in my head were not possible to complete... There I was in my head pushing around the red shopping carts, with nearly a thousand dollars in merchandise at Target I had to pull two on my own, and my kids where their hungry and needing to urgently use the bathroom. How would I ever survive?
Thank God (litterally) for my friend who is willing to give me a reality check. "Kamille, snap out of it! What do you NEED to do? I need to make a list. So I did, I did make a list. And after 2 hours of paperwork, copies and forms, the paperwork was done. After printing 5 pages of lists of items to purchase, we made it through half the list in an hour for around $300 at Target, with two content little girls who only needed to be bribed with the purchase of Polly Pockets to tolerate this shopping trip. After two weeks of insane worry and anxiety and several sleepless nights I resolved the issue within 3-4 working hours. I shouldn't say I - we resolved it. Trent and my friend helped me through it. Less then 24 hours from the chaotic list in my head there are 5 pages of lists just full of checks.
I feel better.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Yes, there are some instructions
I found this letter created by another adopting family. So below are not my own words, but the words of another mother who is preparing her family for this new experience that will affect her family and friends. I agree with all that she has outlined in this letter to her family and wanted to share it with mine. I have changed the names so that our names are now in place. I believe all of the information is important. Until we meet our son and know his personality, I would say that we will be following many of the guidelines this mother outlines. As far as adoption language, that we are still learning too, we will learn together but please take note in reviewing this as we bring more friends into our circle who have also adopted a child.
To Our Family:
We are very excited to have you all share our journey into parenthood! We realize our particular journey is very different from most people and there may be some things that we will do that seem strange. This letter is meant to outline some of the things we will be doing for our family and some of the guidelines and understandings we ask our families to follow. We want you to play an important role in our support system for our child and we hope that you will have a deep, meaningful relationship with all of our children.
Sometimes it’s hard to know what words to use when talking about adoption or adoptive families. We have listed some respectful adoption language below. These should help you know what words to use when asking questions, responding to questions from others and in general conversation.
“own child” – (example: “Why don’t you want your OWN child?’). Obviously this phrase is very hurtful and incorrect. This child IS our own child. He does not have to be our biological child to be our child. This is hurtful to both our child and us. If a question arises regarding genetic relationship, please use terms like “biological child” or “birth child”.
“real” – (example: “Where are his REAL parents?”). We are his real parents. Again this comment is hurtful and offensive. If someone asks you that question, please correct them by saying, “Kamille and Trenton are his real parents. “ When referring to his biological family, use terms like “birth mother” or “birth siblings”.
Introductions of our child using “adopted child” – (example: “This is Trenton and Kamille’s adopted child, Tamene.”) – Using adopted in that sentence implies adopted children are second rate. The correct introduction would simply be: “This is Trenton and Kamille’s child, Tamene.”
“Orphanage” – This term isn’t offensive, but it has negative connotations and people will make assumptions about the level of care received. Please use the term “care center” instead.
“Third World Country” – Please use the term “developing country” instead as this is the politically correct term for countries such as Ethiopia.
Inappropriate questions – “What happened to his real family?” “Why didn’t his real mother want him?” etc. Obviously these questions are horribly offensive. Please respond with something like: “His adoption plan and story are private and we are not comfortable sharing that information.” Never, EVER answer those questions regardless of who asks them and how nicely they do it.
Regarding our child’s history and adoption story: The facts surrounding how our child came to be our son are private and personal. We have chosen to share some of the information with you because you are our family and our child may have some memory of his birth family he will want to talk about. We ask that you do not talk about his history or speculate as to why certain events happened with other people. This is his story to tell, when and if he wants.
We want to set up some expectations for when our child first comes home. We will have been with him for about a week when we get back from Ethiopia. There is no way of knowing how he will be feeling about us at that time and how things will be going. We have read extensively on attachment in adoption and ways to promote bonding with our children. Some of the things our family chooses to do will seem strange from how one would parent a biological child. It is important to remember that we have gone through training and preparation and know what we are doing.
Ways we will be promoting attachment with our child:
Sleeping in our room/bed
Using the same lotion/soap to promote a family scent
“baby wearing” –hold or carry Our child as much as possible
Bath together
Use “funneling” techniques – this is where all needs of the child are met by the parent and the parent only. We are his only source to meet his needs. This will be a hard one for all of you to follow. This means none of you can feed him, hold him, comfort him if he is hurt, or bath or dress him. Don’t worry this isn’t forever, just during the initial attachment period.
Use “Theraplay” techniques – This is using specific play methods with Our child to facilitate bonding. Essentially the parent needs to be the most interesting “toy” in the room to play with.
Feeding him – we will feed him from our plates in the beginning. In Ethiopia it is a sign of family to feed someone from your plate. We will try to use our hands to feed him as much as possible versus silverware. Again – he will learn how to use silverware eventually, it is just not as important as attaching to us!
Re-parenting – this is where you regress the child back to a younger age to establish trust and attachment with him during the younger stages of his life. This will include giving him a bottle and rocking him, lots of holding and carrying and treating him younger than his chronological age.
Limiting outside exposure – as much as possible we will try to limit new experiences in the beginning that could over-stimulate him. Changing EVERYTHING he has ever known will be challenging enough. We need him to feel stable in his new home. This means no visits to other people’s homes. We know you are all excited to have him over and it will happen, just not right away. It will be better for him if you spend time with him at his home.
Limiting contact with visitors – this will depend on Our child’s personality. His reaction and attachment to us, will determine the timeline for meeting our family.
Requesting our family to use “re-directing” techniques. This will also be difficult for you to do, but it is important that Our child does not get confused about who his parents are. Re-directing involves a non-parent to redirect the child to their parent to meet their need. This means that if Our child comes up and tries to sit in your lap, you need to re-direct him to us. This will be very important to do in the beginning, as the roles are more established this will become less of an issue.
Creating high structure environments. From the outside this will look like we are very controlling parents. A high structure environment is necessary for the child to feel safe enough to allow attachment to take place. Our child needs to have a highly controlled environment so he does not have to worry about what will happen to him next.
These are some of the ways we are going to work on building our attachment with our son. We know you will all be supportive and we greatly appreciate that. We will need your support and help during our first weeks home, depending on how things are going we may request help with errands or other responsibilities we cannot focus on during that time.
Without going into this next issue too deeply, we wanted to touch on the cultural/racial component of our family. We are no longer a white family and we couldn’t be happier about that. We are now considered a “multi-cultural / multi-racial” family. We believe that God looks on families like ours and sees a true work of beauty. We know that not everyone will see our family that way and some people will treat us and our children badly. We know we cannot change the way that some people feel, but we will also not put up with ANY prejudicial or racist comments of ANY kind about ANY group of people. We hope that you will also not allow negative, hurtful, racist, or bigot-like statements to go unchallenged. Our family will have a zero tolerance policy to these kinds of comments. Regardless of who says them or where they are said, we will deal with them or very possibly leave the situation or event completely and deal with the person later. We want to be clear that this is not a “discussion” item. This is the rule if you want to be involved with our family.
In relation to that, we will be working very hard to keep Ethiopian culture alive for Our child. We hope that you will respect and encourage that as well as this culture is now part of our family’s culture. We will not tolerate any negative statements about Ethiopia, her people, culture or food.
We have no doubt that you all want what’s best for us and for our child. We also know that this is a totally new experience for all of us and there will be a learning curve for everyone involved. Naturally we have done a lot more education on adoption, transracial/transcultural adoption, and attachment than you have. We do not expect any of you to be experts on this or to never make mistakes. We will all make lots of mistakes. But we also know that you will genuinely have our child’s best interests at heart and so do we. Thank you very much for you support and encouragement in this process. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that your family will support you and the choices you have made.
Love,
Trenton & Kamille
To Our Family:
We are very excited to have you all share our journey into parenthood! We realize our particular journey is very different from most people and there may be some things that we will do that seem strange. This letter is meant to outline some of the things we will be doing for our family and some of the guidelines and understandings we ask our families to follow. We want you to play an important role in our support system for our child and we hope that you will have a deep, meaningful relationship with all of our children.
Sometimes it’s hard to know what words to use when talking about adoption or adoptive families. We have listed some respectful adoption language below. These should help you know what words to use when asking questions, responding to questions from others and in general conversation.
“own child” – (example: “Why don’t you want your OWN child?’). Obviously this phrase is very hurtful and incorrect. This child IS our own child. He does not have to be our biological child to be our child. This is hurtful to both our child and us. If a question arises regarding genetic relationship, please use terms like “biological child” or “birth child”.
“real” – (example: “Where are his REAL parents?”). We are his real parents. Again this comment is hurtful and offensive. If someone asks you that question, please correct them by saying, “Kamille and Trenton are his real parents. “ When referring to his biological family, use terms like “birth mother” or “birth siblings”.
Introductions of our child using “adopted child” – (example: “This is Trenton and Kamille’s adopted child, Tamene.”) – Using adopted in that sentence implies adopted children are second rate. The correct introduction would simply be: “This is Trenton and Kamille’s child, Tamene.”
“Orphanage” – This term isn’t offensive, but it has negative connotations and people will make assumptions about the level of care received. Please use the term “care center” instead.
“Third World Country” – Please use the term “developing country” instead as this is the politically correct term for countries such as Ethiopia.
Inappropriate questions – “What happened to his real family?” “Why didn’t his real mother want him?” etc. Obviously these questions are horribly offensive. Please respond with something like: “His adoption plan and story are private and we are not comfortable sharing that information.” Never, EVER answer those questions regardless of who asks them and how nicely they do it.
Regarding our child’s history and adoption story: The facts surrounding how our child came to be our son are private and personal. We have chosen to share some of the information with you because you are our family and our child may have some memory of his birth family he will want to talk about. We ask that you do not talk about his history or speculate as to why certain events happened with other people. This is his story to tell, when and if he wants.
We want to set up some expectations for when our child first comes home. We will have been with him for about a week when we get back from Ethiopia. There is no way of knowing how he will be feeling about us at that time and how things will be going. We have read extensively on attachment in adoption and ways to promote bonding with our children. Some of the things our family chooses to do will seem strange from how one would parent a biological child. It is important to remember that we have gone through training and preparation and know what we are doing.
Ways we will be promoting attachment with our child:
Sleeping in our room/bed
Using the same lotion/soap to promote a family scent
“baby wearing” –hold or carry Our child as much as possible
Bath together
Use “funneling” techniques – this is where all needs of the child are met by the parent and the parent only. We are his only source to meet his needs. This will be a hard one for all of you to follow. This means none of you can feed him, hold him, comfort him if he is hurt, or bath or dress him. Don’t worry this isn’t forever, just during the initial attachment period.
Use “Theraplay” techniques – This is using specific play methods with Our child to facilitate bonding. Essentially the parent needs to be the most interesting “toy” in the room to play with.
Feeding him – we will feed him from our plates in the beginning. In Ethiopia it is a sign of family to feed someone from your plate. We will try to use our hands to feed him as much as possible versus silverware. Again – he will learn how to use silverware eventually, it is just not as important as attaching to us!
Re-parenting – this is where you regress the child back to a younger age to establish trust and attachment with him during the younger stages of his life. This will include giving him a bottle and rocking him, lots of holding and carrying and treating him younger than his chronological age.
Limiting outside exposure – as much as possible we will try to limit new experiences in the beginning that could over-stimulate him. Changing EVERYTHING he has ever known will be challenging enough. We need him to feel stable in his new home. This means no visits to other people’s homes. We know you are all excited to have him over and it will happen, just not right away. It will be better for him if you spend time with him at his home.
Limiting contact with visitors – this will depend on Our child’s personality. His reaction and attachment to us, will determine the timeline for meeting our family.
Requesting our family to use “re-directing” techniques. This will also be difficult for you to do, but it is important that Our child does not get confused about who his parents are. Re-directing involves a non-parent to redirect the child to their parent to meet their need. This means that if Our child comes up and tries to sit in your lap, you need to re-direct him to us. This will be very important to do in the beginning, as the roles are more established this will become less of an issue.
Creating high structure environments. From the outside this will look like we are very controlling parents. A high structure environment is necessary for the child to feel safe enough to allow attachment to take place. Our child needs to have a highly controlled environment so he does not have to worry about what will happen to him next.
These are some of the ways we are going to work on building our attachment with our son. We know you will all be supportive and we greatly appreciate that. We will need your support and help during our first weeks home, depending on how things are going we may request help with errands or other responsibilities we cannot focus on during that time.
Without going into this next issue too deeply, we wanted to touch on the cultural/racial component of our family. We are no longer a white family and we couldn’t be happier about that. We are now considered a “multi-cultural / multi-racial” family. We believe that God looks on families like ours and sees a true work of beauty. We know that not everyone will see our family that way and some people will treat us and our children badly. We know we cannot change the way that some people feel, but we will also not put up with ANY prejudicial or racist comments of ANY kind about ANY group of people. We hope that you will also not allow negative, hurtful, racist, or bigot-like statements to go unchallenged. Our family will have a zero tolerance policy to these kinds of comments. Regardless of who says them or where they are said, we will deal with them or very possibly leave the situation or event completely and deal with the person later. We want to be clear that this is not a “discussion” item. This is the rule if you want to be involved with our family.
In relation to that, we will be working very hard to keep Ethiopian culture alive for Our child. We hope that you will respect and encourage that as well as this culture is now part of our family’s culture. We will not tolerate any negative statements about Ethiopia, her people, culture or food.
We have no doubt that you all want what’s best for us and for our child. We also know that this is a totally new experience for all of us and there will be a learning curve for everyone involved. Naturally we have done a lot more education on adoption, transracial/transcultural adoption, and attachment than you have. We do not expect any of you to be experts on this or to never make mistakes. We will all make lots of mistakes. But we also know that you will genuinely have our child’s best interests at heart and so do we. Thank you very much for you support and encouragement in this process. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that your family will support you and the choices you have made.
Love,
Trenton & Kamille
The stark reality
I came across these news reports. I will caution you that this are not easy to watch.
These video contains some disturbing images.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7444998.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7449722.stm
Below is a transcript of these clips (thank you to the kind person who typed them up for me!). I recommend watching them as it's just not the same affect when reading. However, I wanted them here so that if the clips are not available we will be able to read these stories.
Ethiopia Film # 1
Narrator: All of these children were carried long distances this morning, a desperate journey in search of help. They came to a treatment center in the village of “Garagotto.” All the children are sick, malnourished; some are starving. “Terokey” also arrived today. He is 8 years old. His mother “Eyelich” carried him for two hours. There’s no food left in her village. But it may be too late to save her son.
There are thousands of children in this district alone, struggling to survive. Over the morning the numbers grew; mothers carrying precious bundles of life. With children this tiny, hours can make all the difference.
To understand the scale of this we traveled to a more remote village. In “Eddo” the Missionaries of Charity are giving emergency care to 200 children. “I walked for four hours,” said Winnea, who feared her son was dying. “I was so tired, and it was very difficult getting here. The cattle have died; there is hunger.”
Many of these children have been living on one meal a day, sometimes a biscuit or wild plants.
Missionary of Charity: “Some days they have no more appetite to eat anymore. They cannot eat anything … so we bring … we are helping them just to live to get their appetite … then they eat.”
Narrator: “So many of these children when they arrive are very close to death?”
Missionary of Charity: “Yes, yes.”
Narrator: Last night one of the children died here, another the night before, two the night before that. They’re not dying in large numbers, but if you go back to the villages where they came from, you can understand why. The Sister here believes we are at the start of this crisis, and not at the end.
The African sky is heavy with rain. It is strange. The landscape has, in recent days, turned green. But there is hunger. It is because a drought destroyed the root crops, on which survival depends. We drove to villages some distance from the few treatment centers. We found parents holding up their children, hoping we would take them where there was food. In “Odo” some children had been taken for help, but space hadn’t been found for 12-year old “Andrias.” He is severely malnourished and has malaria.
We heard of villages that didn’t even know that treatment centers had opened. We found one of those villages, “DandoWokeecha.” A crowd gathered around us. In the past few days, four year old Zachias and three year old Immanuel have been sickened. Their father, Arrellois, was desperate.
Father: “We barely eat once a day, and there are days we don’t eat at all.”
Narrator: There is not famine in Ethiopia, but there is a crisis facing tens of thousands of children most of those are clinging to life.
(This next short conversation is incomplete.)
Daniel Hagdu: … probably estimate that 50 % …
Narrator: … upwards 50% …
Daniel Hagdu:
Narrator: Ethiopia is better placed than in the past to cope. Even so, aide agencies say there is not enough food in the country. But in the months ahead until the next harvest, children like Sacku will need feeding.
Reported by Gavin Hewitt, BBC News, Ethiopia.
Ethiopia Film #2
Ethiopia’s Food Cost Problems
Narrator: Two days ago we watched as desperate mothers in SW Ethiopia carried their malnourished children to a treatment center. Among them was 8-year old Terokey, who was starving. We wanted to find out what happened to them. The following day we found his village. Terokey had been carried back here - a 2 hour journey. He is very weak. What’s happened here shows just how vulnerable these children are. He had been taken home because there was not enough money to move him to hospital.
Father: “We used to feed him some cornbread and sweet potatoes,” said his father Lakomoe. But we no longer have any of these things. We have nothing at home at the moment.”
Narrator. Outside Terokey’s home are other children in need of food. Because of a recent drought the crops failed. The land is now green, but there won’t be another harvest until 3 to 4 months. And this is what survival means around here. There is corn, but it won’t be ready for three months. The people are forced to rely on this. It’s what they call “false banana.” Now part of its value is to take the trunk. But they have to bury it underground like here. Bury it underground for three months. Only then can they take it out and cook it. And after all that, it’s of poor nutritional value.
To avoid a tragedy, tens of thousands of children will need emergency food aide. But go to the larger towns like “Bodessi” and you find the price of beans, maize and wheat have all doubled in the past five months. “People can’t afford to buy things,” said this man.
And move on to the capital Addis Abada and the market price of grain has soared three times what it was. “The grain has never been so expensive,” said Itris Mohammed. “It has never reached this level before.”
And to make matters worse, there’s not enough food in the capital. Back in Terokey’s village we asked the people how many of them were down to one meal a day. Every hand went up, hands that soon became pleas for help.
Gavin Hewitt, BBC News
These video contains some disturbing images.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7444998.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7449722.stm
Below is a transcript of these clips (thank you to the kind person who typed them up for me!). I recommend watching them as it's just not the same affect when reading. However, I wanted them here so that if the clips are not available we will be able to read these stories.
Ethiopia Film # 1
Narrator: All of these children were carried long distances this morning, a desperate journey in search of help. They came to a treatment center in the village of “Garagotto.” All the children are sick, malnourished; some are starving. “Terokey” also arrived today. He is 8 years old. His mother “Eyelich” carried him for two hours. There’s no food left in her village. But it may be too late to save her son.
There are thousands of children in this district alone, struggling to survive. Over the morning the numbers grew; mothers carrying precious bundles of life. With children this tiny, hours can make all the difference.
To understand the scale of this we traveled to a more remote village. In “Eddo” the Missionaries of Charity are giving emergency care to 200 children. “I walked for four hours,” said Winnea, who feared her son was dying. “I was so tired, and it was very difficult getting here. The cattle have died; there is hunger.”
Many of these children have been living on one meal a day, sometimes a biscuit or wild plants.
Missionary of Charity: “Some days they have no more appetite to eat anymore. They cannot eat anything … so we bring … we are helping them just to live to get their appetite … then they eat.”
Narrator: “So many of these children when they arrive are very close to death?”
Missionary of Charity: “Yes, yes.”
Narrator: Last night one of the children died here, another the night before, two the night before that. They’re not dying in large numbers, but if you go back to the villages where they came from, you can understand why. The Sister here believes we are at the start of this crisis, and not at the end.
The African sky is heavy with rain. It is strange. The landscape has, in recent days, turned green. But there is hunger. It is because a drought destroyed the root crops, on which survival depends. We drove to villages some distance from the few treatment centers. We found parents holding up their children, hoping we would take them where there was food. In “Odo” some children had been taken for help, but space hadn’t been found for 12-year old “Andrias.” He is severely malnourished and has malaria.
We heard of villages that didn’t even know that treatment centers had opened. We found one of those villages, “DandoWokeecha.” A crowd gathered around us. In the past few days, four year old Zachias and three year old Immanuel have been sickened. Their father, Arrellois, was desperate.
Father: “We barely eat once a day, and there are days we don’t eat at all.”
Narrator: There is not famine in Ethiopia, but there is a crisis facing tens of thousands of children most of those are clinging to life.
(This next short conversation is incomplete.)
Daniel Hagdu: … probably estimate that 50 % …
Narrator: … upwards 50% …
Daniel Hagdu:
Narrator: Ethiopia is better placed than in the past to cope. Even so, aide agencies say there is not enough food in the country. But in the months ahead until the next harvest, children like Sacku will need feeding.
Reported by Gavin Hewitt, BBC News, Ethiopia.
Ethiopia Film #2
Ethiopia’s Food Cost Problems
Narrator: Two days ago we watched as desperate mothers in SW Ethiopia carried their malnourished children to a treatment center. Among them was 8-year old Terokey, who was starving. We wanted to find out what happened to them. The following day we found his village. Terokey had been carried back here - a 2 hour journey. He is very weak. What’s happened here shows just how vulnerable these children are. He had been taken home because there was not enough money to move him to hospital.
Father: “We used to feed him some cornbread and sweet potatoes,” said his father Lakomoe. But we no longer have any of these things. We have nothing at home at the moment.”
Narrator. Outside Terokey’s home are other children in need of food. Because of a recent drought the crops failed. The land is now green, but there won’t be another harvest until 3 to 4 months. And this is what survival means around here. There is corn, but it won’t be ready for three months. The people are forced to rely on this. It’s what they call “false banana.” Now part of its value is to take the trunk. But they have to bury it underground like here. Bury it underground for three months. Only then can they take it out and cook it. And after all that, it’s of poor nutritional value.
To avoid a tragedy, tens of thousands of children will need emergency food aide. But go to the larger towns like “Bodessi” and you find the price of beans, maize and wheat have all doubled in the past five months. “People can’t afford to buy things,” said this man.
And move on to the capital Addis Abada and the market price of grain has soared three times what it was. “The grain has never been so expensive,” said Itris Mohammed. “It has never reached this level before.”
And to make matters worse, there’s not enough food in the capital. Back in Terokey’s village we asked the people how many of them were down to one meal a day. Every hand went up, hands that soon became pleas for help.
Gavin Hewitt, BBC News
Friday, June 13, 2008
Irony in waiting contentedly
So there has been a running theme in my blogs about patience. I was thinking God was teaching me a lesson about patience - waiting contentedly.
I think I have been putting in a lot of work as it relates to waiting contently. This is a very difficult task for me. Waiting for me is some kind of strange torture - good news or bad news, I just have to know, what now? or what next? I hate waiting. Also, I've decided to blame my mother and grandmother for my lack of patience. Why would I blame these wonderful women? Because I never waited for a birthday or Christmas present in my life. My birthday is in December, but round about June I might "neeeeeed" a new pair of jeans, and grandma would buy it as an "early birthday present". Then sometime in October I had to have that new winter jacket, my mom would agree that I should have it right then and there and buy it as a Christmas present. Now keep in mind there would still be plenty of gifts from them on my birthday and under the Christmas tree, which I was usually allowed to open one or two days early :-) So, as I am sure you can agree, this childhood trauma is what causes me to have little or no patience.
When I experience trials in my life (which are usually brief inconveniences) I remind myself that God does not give us more than we can handle, and I also remember that God will teach me a lesson through my trials (read again "brief inconvenience").
So, in reading my blog and looking back, I see many days of "agony" in waiting. I see that I am working so hard at understanding how God is teaching me about patience. I wonder what it means that many people wait 7-10 months for the referral of their child and I only waited 6 weeks????
I decided that I am a fast learner and God taught me the lesson in record time.
(If anyone else wants to place bets on the fact that I might have cracked if I waited one more day, please consider the opportunity to start a pool regarding my sanity if I have to wait more than 8 weeks to travel to go get this little boy).
I think I have been putting in a lot of work as it relates to waiting contently. This is a very difficult task for me. Waiting for me is some kind of strange torture - good news or bad news, I just have to know, what now? or what next? I hate waiting. Also, I've decided to blame my mother and grandmother for my lack of patience. Why would I blame these wonderful women? Because I never waited for a birthday or Christmas present in my life. My birthday is in December, but round about June I might "neeeeeed" a new pair of jeans, and grandma would buy it as an "early birthday present". Then sometime in October I had to have that new winter jacket, my mom would agree that I should have it right then and there and buy it as a Christmas present. Now keep in mind there would still be plenty of gifts from them on my birthday and under the Christmas tree, which I was usually allowed to open one or two days early :-) So, as I am sure you can agree, this childhood trauma is what causes me to have little or no patience.
When I experience trials in my life (which are usually brief inconveniences) I remind myself that God does not give us more than we can handle, and I also remember that God will teach me a lesson through my trials (read again "brief inconvenience").
So, in reading my blog and looking back, I see many days of "agony" in waiting. I see that I am working so hard at understanding how God is teaching me about patience. I wonder what it means that many people wait 7-10 months for the referral of their child and I only waited 6 weeks????
I decided that I am a fast learner and God taught me the lesson in record time.
(If anyone else wants to place bets on the fact that I might have cracked if I waited one more day, please consider the opportunity to start a pool regarding my sanity if I have to wait more than 8 weeks to travel to go get this little boy).
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Excitementapalooza
I am not really sure what palooza is, but neither are Wiki or Google. The word "excitementapalooza" sounds good, and if you feel it while you say it, you will know how I am feeling tonight.
I can't describe the roller coaster I have been on since last week when we received our referral (again, this is the process by which they send you information about a child in need of a family and when you "accept" you may start the process of adopting that child). I requested additional information on our little man and the information arrived today via e-mail. We received pictures and a little write-up about him. Below is an excerpt from the information. The following words were posted next to a picture of the most beautiful, smiling, brown eyed boy I have ever seen!
When his nannies tell him what to do or what not to do, he responds immediately with a smile on his face. He can run, jump and climb stairs though he needs to hold on to its rail.
He is perfect, absolutely perfect!
Since last week I have experienced a plethora of emotions. Some of them I think I have never experienced before, or at least not at that intensity. Happy, worried, excited, nervous, grateful, anxious, blessed, impatient and more. Now when I look at him I just feel content, it just feels right. "Just" is not a minimizing word here, it is more about being in a state of "arrival", I feel settled and comforted.
On another note (non-adoption event)...
Perspective - putting things in perspective. What seemed like an insurmountable obstacle yesterday has shrunk to a mole hill today. Obstacles and challenges I have never faced before are in front of me. For a moment they seemed so big. I found myself thinking "I can't". I don't ever recall that emotion before, "I can't" ... but one look in those big brown eyes and I know I can. This little 2 year old boy is facing the whole wide world all alone, and I am worried about my little mole hill, this little boy is the one facing a mountain. So I breathe. I breathe in and out. I breathe again. Whatever my obstacle is, I can do it. I will be a better person for it. I will learn and grow. Perspective on broken toys, broken promises and spilled milk. Perspective on careers and friends and life and love. I forgot to breathe and I lost focus on the priorities. I breathe again, in and out, in and out, slowly, thoughtfully. I reassess my priorities. Where are the mountains? What are the mole hills? I will climb the mountain, I can move the mountain, but the mole hill does not obstruct my view, nor does it slow my journey. Every challenge contains an opportunity, I see opportunity. Calmapalooza (hope you enjoyed the roller coaster ride with me during this blog entry).
I can't describe the roller coaster I have been on since last week when we received our referral (again, this is the process by which they send you information about a child in need of a family and when you "accept" you may start the process of adopting that child). I requested additional information on our little man and the information arrived today via e-mail. We received pictures and a little write-up about him. Below is an excerpt from the information. The following words were posted next to a picture of the most beautiful, smiling, brown eyed boy I have ever seen!
When his nannies tell him what to do or what not to do, he responds immediately with a smile on his face. He can run, jump and climb stairs though he needs to hold on to its rail.
He is perfect, absolutely perfect!
Since last week I have experienced a plethora of emotions. Some of them I think I have never experienced before, or at least not at that intensity. Happy, worried, excited, nervous, grateful, anxious, blessed, impatient and more. Now when I look at him I just feel content, it just feels right. "Just" is not a minimizing word here, it is more about being in a state of "arrival", I feel settled and comforted.
On another note (non-adoption event)...
Perspective - putting things in perspective. What seemed like an insurmountable obstacle yesterday has shrunk to a mole hill today. Obstacles and challenges I have never faced before are in front of me. For a moment they seemed so big. I found myself thinking "I can't". I don't ever recall that emotion before, "I can't" ... but one look in those big brown eyes and I know I can. This little 2 year old boy is facing the whole wide world all alone, and I am worried about my little mole hill, this little boy is the one facing a mountain. So I breathe. I breathe in and out. I breathe again. Whatever my obstacle is, I can do it. I will be a better person for it. I will learn and grow. Perspective on broken toys, broken promises and spilled milk. Perspective on careers and friends and life and love. I forgot to breathe and I lost focus on the priorities. I breathe again, in and out, in and out, slowly, thoughtfully. I reassess my priorities. Where are the mountains? What are the mole hills? I will climb the mountain, I can move the mountain, but the mole hill does not obstruct my view, nor does it slow my journey. Every challenge contains an opportunity, I see opportunity. Calmapalooza (hope you enjoyed the roller coaster ride with me during this blog entry).
This little light of mine
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. -Albert Schweitzer
A fire requires oxygen, lately I feel like there isn't enough oxygen. I need to keep my head above water; the water of details and ideas and "what has to get done." My oxygen supply is short, but my friends and family, and my village, they have all been there to blow the glowing ember back to flame.
To be clear the lack of oxygen doesn't represent breath and suffocation, but a lack of information. I feel paralyzed without information. I need to know things, I need to have information. I have a nine page document about my son... two and a half years, narrowed down to nine pages. I NEED to know more. I have to pack myself up and get myself half a world a way. The farthest I have been out of the country is Canada, I hardly think that counts as international travel. The process of adoption, nothing any class I have attend nor book I have read had the answers to the questions I have.
Much gratitude and thanks to those providing oxygen. Those who are on the adoption journey, they keep adding oxygen so that the flame doesn't go out. Those who I have talked to who were adopted, those who are a member of a family who adopted, those who are waiting, those who are traveling and those who are home, they have been kind enough to share their stories and offer their support and to them I owe my deepest thanks.
And to those friends and family who help me stay centered in who I am. Thanks to Trent for his willingness to "talk me down" every 5 minutes as needed, for being a true partner in the journey of parenthood and adoption. Thanks to my friend/sister/training partner/partner in crime, for reminding me that things are only as complicated as I make them. Also deepest thanks to her for taking care of me when I need it, being honest with me when I need it, being excited with me when I need it, and bringing me back to center when I need it.
Thanks to all the parents and grandparents for their support and encouragement. Thanks to my work friends and family for their support!
And thanks to my babies! Angelisa and Naven, their excitement and acceptance already of a new little brother inspires me. Their faith and trust in something unseen is amazing. As they make welcoming cards and letters to their new little brother, and talk about the future of our new family of five, I am so proud. These kids have no shortage of oxygen to give me a boost whenever my flame starts to flicker.
A fire requires oxygen, lately I feel like there isn't enough oxygen. I need to keep my head above water; the water of details and ideas and "what has to get done." My oxygen supply is short, but my friends and family, and my village, they have all been there to blow the glowing ember back to flame.
To be clear the lack of oxygen doesn't represent breath and suffocation, but a lack of information. I feel paralyzed without information. I need to know things, I need to have information. I have a nine page document about my son... two and a half years, narrowed down to nine pages. I NEED to know more. I have to pack myself up and get myself half a world a way. The farthest I have been out of the country is Canada, I hardly think that counts as international travel. The process of adoption, nothing any class I have attend nor book I have read had the answers to the questions I have.
Much gratitude and thanks to those providing oxygen. Those who are on the adoption journey, they keep adding oxygen so that the flame doesn't go out. Those who I have talked to who were adopted, those who are a member of a family who adopted, those who are waiting, those who are traveling and those who are home, they have been kind enough to share their stories and offer their support and to them I owe my deepest thanks.
And to those friends and family who help me stay centered in who I am. Thanks to Trent for his willingness to "talk me down" every 5 minutes as needed, for being a true partner in the journey of parenthood and adoption. Thanks to my friend/sister/training partner/partner in crime, for reminding me that things are only as complicated as I make them. Also deepest thanks to her for taking care of me when I need it, being honest with me when I need it, being excited with me when I need it, and bringing me back to center when I need it.
Thanks to all the parents and grandparents for their support and encouragement. Thanks to my work friends and family for their support!
And thanks to my babies! Angelisa and Naven, their excitement and acceptance already of a new little brother inspires me. Their faith and trust in something unseen is amazing. As they make welcoming cards and letters to their new little brother, and talk about the future of our new family of five, I am so proud. These kids have no shortage of oxygen to give me a boost whenever my flame starts to flicker.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Goodnight Moon and other exciting words to live by
Here are 20 mantras from Eileen McDonnell, a VP in a male dominated industry at age 27. She says these mantras will put you on the path to becoming a powerful professional. In my opinion these are just general rules to live your life by! I found them while doing some research for work tonight. I really don't want to be doing work, I really want to read to my new son... ohh, umm, yeah, I bought a tape recorder and Trent is supposed to sing him a song each morning with the kids and Angelisa and I read him a story each night and we are going to send it to him in Ethiopia along with a blanket from us! Anyway, I am doing work (the kind you get paid for) and I thought these were great mantras from Eileen McDonnell to post here for my memory and as a reminder to me. I also hope they inspire friends and extended family... but mostly I hope to instill these beliefs in my children as they seek a successful life in spirituality, family, health, and career.
- Gain control of your life - balance work, family, friends and your health.
- Courage and motivation - Have it and empower those with whom you work, with it.
- Overcoming fear and obstacles - Identify and eradicate.
- Passion for destiny - Always focus on the goal and keep moving towards it.
- Form a 'web of success' with people in your life - Surround yourself with positive supporters, trusted advisors and loyal family & friends.
- Turning points - Look at each crossroad in life as an opportunity to grow.
- Your Intuition is right 90% of the time. Follow your gut instincts. Trust in yourself.
- Understand the big picture of your life: how is your uniqueness of benefit to others now and in the future?
- Give gratitude - To those who help you along the way and make a difference in your life.
- Discover - from where did you get your drive? Parents give us values, respect, self esteem.
- Understand where your success traits came from so you can capitalize on them and replenish them when necessary.
- Not everything is perfectly clear. Don't be afraid. Fear kills the spirit. Just go for it!
- Honor your responsibilities - to your family, friends & communities.
- If you start a task, finish it.
- "Talent" - don't believe in it. Courage and passion come from an insatiable love of life and appreciation for it.
- Choose consciously to see the beauty and richness in life.
- I think everyone has something they love to do - it is a matter of finding it.
- Live each day without regret.
- Find the little things that make you happy and do more of them.
- Create your own reality - by seizing the opportunities. Make your achievements as good as your dreams.
- If you believe in who you are - keep going. Never stop.
Back to work... my little boy in Ethiopia is waiting for his bedtime story, tonight is Goodnight Moon!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Doctors orders
*** the following has minor changes for prvacy, the point is we got a great report!
I e-mailed one of the MDs I work with and asked him to look over our referral. Here is part of his response:
Kamille-
This looks like a great kid.
I had my mom, [former agency leader] review these forms.
She knows your [Social Workers] and says that [your agency's] Ethiopian program is solid.
Very positive...those kids do very well. Better... than kids with...
Good news is that... I didn't see any vaccinations but my mom says that do these at the orphanage.
I'd say grab him!
I have indeed followed Doctor's orders and we have "grabbed him".
I am heading off to dream sweet dreams about my new family.
A wish for my little man:
“As the day turns into night,...keep your worries out of sight,...No matter how hard the world may seem....You still deserve the sweetest dream!!!”
I e-mailed one of the MDs I work with and asked him to look over our referral. Here is part of his response:
Kamille-
This looks like a great kid.
I had my mom, [former agency leader] review these forms.
She knows your [Social Workers] and says that [your agency's] Ethiopian program is solid.
Very positive...those kids do very well. Better... than kids with...
Good news is that... I didn't see any vaccinations but my mom says that do these at the orphanage.
I'd say grab him!
I have indeed followed Doctor's orders and we have "grabbed him".
I am heading off to dream sweet dreams about my new family.
A wish for my little man:
“As the day turns into night,...keep your worries out of sight,...No matter how hard the world may seem....You still deserve the sweetest dream!!!”
Friday, June 6, 2008
I will survive
Thanks to the person who inspired this blog!
A friend e-mailed me to tell me she was going to do a 5K. She said, "I figure if you can teach yourself to swim from a book and do a tri I can run a silly 5k!"
Here was my reply:
You go girl... set your time goal too!
Sprint. Run sprints, run as fast as you can, breath rest and run that sprint again. Power, you want to have power!
My goal was to survive, you can have that goal too, but now I wish my goal was to have power!
All I did was survive that Triathlon, that's not me! I am not here to survive, I am here to live!
You'll do great!
And she will do great, she is great at everything she does. I think her creativity gets her wherever she wants to go in life.
And my determination, my goals, will get me where I want to go in life.
Survival brings me to another friend inspiring today's blog.
This friend has been given the assignment to pick a middle name for our son. She has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. Her ability to survive and exceed in life is an amazing inspiration to me. She's always felt a part of me as much as any sister would. Though she has, in my opinion, faced many huge challenges and many loses, and life has shorted her on opportunities, she has showed her strength and determination to achieve what she knows is best for her. She learned to be an amazing mother and I've watched her grow into a career woman with so much potential. But the special piece here is that she sought out the resources she needed to survive, and exceed, and overcome. She allowed my family to bring her in and accept her. If we can impart only a small part of her determination onto our son, I am absolutely confident he will exceed, "just surviving" and he will do great things! So as a symbol of imparting that determination, she will chose his middle name.
I sent the following e-mail to her and thought I would share this bit of insight for others who may be confused on "labor" in adoption.
She said, "How great...no labor."
I said, "As I understand it labor comes in the following form:
30 hour flight with child being "kidnapped" by strangers from everything he knows.
He is sick and he may even have a few contagious viruses now affecting me.
I am sick from the water and I have jet lag.
He screams the entire 30 hours only stopping to rest long enough to build up energy to excrete more bodily fluids.
Sister, I think I would take labor in an American hospital as far as "ease"... Now, for how great I look for just "giving birth", that's all good! But the compromise is complete lack of control about the process and going way more insane than the normal "pregnancy brain" and forgetfulness. I am just plain incompetent.
Thank God you are in charge of the name, who knows what I would have picked... Rudolf seemed acceptable!
One more thing...
As you can see, all the pain in the world is worth bringing home that little face.
He's mine!"
A friend e-mailed me to tell me she was going to do a 5K. She said, "I figure if you can teach yourself to swim from a book and do a tri I can run a silly 5k!"
Here was my reply:
You go girl... set your time goal too!
Sprint. Run sprints, run as fast as you can, breath rest and run that sprint again. Power, you want to have power!
My goal was to survive, you can have that goal too, but now I wish my goal was to have power!
All I did was survive that Triathlon, that's not me! I am not here to survive, I am here to live!
You'll do great!
And she will do great, she is great at everything she does. I think her creativity gets her wherever she wants to go in life.
And my determination, my goals, will get me where I want to go in life.
Survival brings me to another friend inspiring today's blog.
This friend has been given the assignment to pick a middle name for our son. She has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. Her ability to survive and exceed in life is an amazing inspiration to me. She's always felt a part of me as much as any sister would. Though she has, in my opinion, faced many huge challenges and many loses, and life has shorted her on opportunities, she has showed her strength and determination to achieve what she knows is best for her. She learned to be an amazing mother and I've watched her grow into a career woman with so much potential. But the special piece here is that she sought out the resources she needed to survive, and exceed, and overcome. She allowed my family to bring her in and accept her. If we can impart only a small part of her determination onto our son, I am absolutely confident he will exceed, "just surviving" and he will do great things! So as a symbol of imparting that determination, she will chose his middle name.
I sent the following e-mail to her and thought I would share this bit of insight for others who may be confused on "labor" in adoption.
She said, "How great...no labor."
I said, "As I understand it labor comes in the following form:
30 hour flight with child being "kidnapped" by strangers from everything he knows.
He is sick and he may even have a few contagious viruses now affecting me.
I am sick from the water and I have jet lag.
He screams the entire 30 hours only stopping to rest long enough to build up energy to excrete more bodily fluids.
Sister, I think I would take labor in an American hospital as far as "ease"... Now, for how great I look for just "giving birth", that's all good! But the compromise is complete lack of control about the process and going way more insane than the normal "pregnancy brain" and forgetfulness. I am just plain incompetent.
Thank God you are in charge of the name, who knows what I would have picked... Rudolf seemed acceptable!
One more thing...
As you can see, all the pain in the world is worth bringing home that little face.
He's mine!"
2+1=3
I have two children, I am about to add one; that equals me being a mother of three. A mother of three? What? I signed up to adopt a child, it hadn't occurred that it would result in me being a mother of three. This is where basic math is helpful and why you WILL use math when you grow up! Though, I was a good student, I paid close attention, I never heard anyone say if you have two children and you add one you become a "Mother of Three". I can say with 100% confidence that the words "Mother of Three" were not in ANY math book I ever had my hands on. I can also say that even Home Economics class indicated I would only be the mother of one (one 5 pound bag of flour). Maybe school wasn't as helpful as I thought.
But I am a Mother of Three(MOT)... I'm a MOT. And for all those friends who are a Mother of One (MOO)... you are a MOO, you can stay that way if you want, but I'd rather be a MOT than a MOO, that's just me though. (Wow, that was a weird thought).
More numbers for you...
We decided to adopt 11/07
We completed our paperwork (officially waiting) 4/08
We received our referral 6/08
It took us exactly 6 weeks to get our referral. And it looks like from decision the to adopt until we bring him home may be about 8 months.
We were #62 on the unofficial wait list at the time of referral.
Now we are racing the clock to get through court before courts close. Courts in Ethiopia are closed in August and September, meaning, if we don't beat the clock we can't get our son until October. When we accepted our referral I thought we would be good to clear court, we were just 4 days behind those who were mostly a clear shoot to get through in time. Today I heard from our Social Worker that the team working with us is working very hard to get us through, and that we are cutting it close. They cannot be sure we will get through. Now, you know I hate to wait, and in this case I'm going to take the gamble and say I feel like we will get through in July. But, for a sure bet, put your money on October as the latest.
But I am a Mother of Three(MOT)... I'm a MOT. And for all those friends who are a Mother of One (MOO)... you are a MOO, you can stay that way if you want, but I'd rather be a MOT than a MOO, that's just me though. (Wow, that was a weird thought).
More numbers for you...
We decided to adopt 11/07
We completed our paperwork (officially waiting) 4/08
We received our referral 6/08
It took us exactly 6 weeks to get our referral. And it looks like from decision the to adopt until we bring him home may be about 8 months.
We were #62 on the unofficial wait list at the time of referral.
Now we are racing the clock to get through court before courts close. Courts in Ethiopia are closed in August and September, meaning, if we don't beat the clock we can't get our son until October. When we accepted our referral I thought we would be good to clear court, we were just 4 days behind those who were mostly a clear shoot to get through in time. Today I heard from our Social Worker that the team working with us is working very hard to get us through, and that we are cutting it close. They cannot be sure we will get through. Now, you know I hate to wait, and in this case I'm going to take the gamble and say I feel like we will get through in July. But, for a sure bet, put your money on October as the latest.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
On your mark, get set...read the whole blog!
It's been a while since my last blog (the last blog is a video, most of you can't view that at work, that's why it looks blank, try from home).
First, I would like to announce that I ran a triathlon on Sunday. My goal was to not finish last... and I didn't finish last. I completed the entire race and I lived to tell the story. There is a lot to learn about how your body responds when you ask it to perform in a way that it has never performed before, under circumstances that it has never experienced before and without information about how to provide it the nourishment it needs. There are moments from the race that are completely gone from my memory. OK, I know some of you are desperate to know how I placed... 704 of 796. If you do the math that makes me part of the Elite US population who even attempted a triathlon that day. It also proves the point that you achieve the goals you set. I didn't place last, I have achieved my goal!
Next, I started a new job in January. I love my job. I work with people I like, I get to do work I like to do, and they pay me. Three months later, in April they announced that there would be a restructure of the department (read "downsize" for the purpose of this blog). They brought out the new org chart and my job wasn't on it. BUMMER! Well actually none of the current jobs were on it, a complete upset of the apple cart. We are still in the middle of the restructure and it's hard for everyone. BUT, I was given a job and I think I will love it as much as the one I have today. For those of you in IS (information systems, the computer people) I will be working with the ITIL processes for those of you who aren't computer people... I will be doing process improvement. My goal was to land a job here in computer land, I like these people a lot. I met my goal, they are going to let me stay!!
Last. Last but certainly not least. Adoption update: WE GOT A REFERRAL. We just accepted this morning. Boy, born 10-11-05. The agency cautions against posting too much information on the internet until the child is officially and legal ours. At this time the agency believes that we will be through court before the end of July. This means there is a very good chance we will be home with our little boy in 8 weeks!
I don't know what else to say. We are excited, we are SO excited. A little boy, oh, I have a bedroom to paint - it currently has flowers and butterflies. Mom, help!
This process has been short for us, much shorter than many others, but we've had time to think and wonder and question if this is right for us. And it is! It is so right. How can it be wrong? Bringing a child into our home, no matter what the age, or gender, or size, or color... it's just right!!
I am still very much in shock. I can't believe we have a new son. I will post more information as I have it.
First, I would like to announce that I ran a triathlon on Sunday. My goal was to not finish last... and I didn't finish last. I completed the entire race and I lived to tell the story. There is a lot to learn about how your body responds when you ask it to perform in a way that it has never performed before, under circumstances that it has never experienced before and without information about how to provide it the nourishment it needs. There are moments from the race that are completely gone from my memory. OK, I know some of you are desperate to know how I placed... 704 of 796. If you do the math that makes me part of the Elite US population who even attempted a triathlon that day. It also proves the point that you achieve the goals you set. I didn't place last, I have achieved my goal!
Next, I started a new job in January. I love my job. I work with people I like, I get to do work I like to do, and they pay me. Three months later, in April they announced that there would be a restructure of the department (read "downsize" for the purpose of this blog). They brought out the new org chart and my job wasn't on it. BUMMER! Well actually none of the current jobs were on it, a complete upset of the apple cart. We are still in the middle of the restructure and it's hard for everyone. BUT, I was given a job and I think I will love it as much as the one I have today. For those of you in IS (information systems, the computer people) I will be working with the ITIL processes for those of you who aren't computer people... I will be doing process improvement. My goal was to land a job here in computer land, I like these people a lot. I met my goal, they are going to let me stay!!
Last. Last but certainly not least. Adoption update: WE GOT A REFERRAL. We just accepted this morning. Boy, born 10-11-05. The agency cautions against posting too much information on the internet until the child is officially and legal ours. At this time the agency believes that we will be through court before the end of July. This means there is a very good chance we will be home with our little boy in 8 weeks!
I don't know what else to say. We are excited, we are SO excited. A little boy, oh, I have a bedroom to paint - it currently has flowers and butterflies. Mom, help!
This process has been short for us, much shorter than many others, but we've had time to think and wonder and question if this is right for us. And it is! It is so right. How can it be wrong? Bringing a child into our home, no matter what the age, or gender, or size, or color... it's just right!!
I am still very much in shock. I can't believe we have a new son. I will post more information as I have it.
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