Post #67 A flashback of Random Thoughts

We wait for the birth certificate.
Waiting is hard - I am back at some strange "nesting phase" I am organizing lists and paperwork. Here I attempt to clean up my blog.

As I clean house in "Before I Knew You" ...

I have several blog posts that I started but did not complete. These are here for my own record and not intended to be followed by the reader (though there is a line or two of humor below). The post on donations, should not be considered a solicitation, this was an idea I had, but decided to take another approach - if you are interested in donating feel free to do so.


8/1/08
While we try to teach our children all about life,Our children teach us what life is all about.~Angela Schwindt

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. ~Frank A. Clark

7/25/08
Looking for a little humor I did a quick search for humor in the news. Seriously you can't make things funnier than real life can make it for you.

Headline:
Angry man shoots lawn mower for not starting.

I thought this was funny, but when I realized this guy was from Wisconsin it some how made it even funnier. Maybe the picture of the "accused" was the icing on the cake. I won't describe this man, but he does seem to bring to mind the same vivid image I get when I listen to Jeff Foxworthy's, "You might be a redneck". "You might be a redneck if you think you're going to show your mower who's Boss by using a shortbarrel shotgun when it decides to 'play dead'."

Headline:
Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital

An Australian man's dare went horribly wrong when he tried to play chicken with cars on a freeway wearing only his underwear. The 18 year old was critically injured after being hit by a four-wheel drive on a freeway

7/19/08
The fine folks at our agency have informed us that we are legally the parents of little Tamene. We are incredibly excited, it feels surreal.

The next step in the process is that our agency blessed us with another round of waiting and paperwork (feel the love). I am not sure how much more waiting and paperwork I can take before my head pops off.

I am officially the mother of three children.

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. -1 Samuel 1:27

6/26/08
Word of the Day Thursday June 26, 2008
Today's Word
Cockaigne \kah-KAYN\,
noun:An imaginary land of ease and luxury.
Outside, in the dark, a wobbly patch of life upon the blue snow, the deer perhaps browsed, her soft blob of a nose rapturously sunk in the chilly winter greenery, her modest brain-stem steeped in some dream of a Cockaigne for herbivores.-- John Updike, Toward the End of Time
Everyone was seeking renewal, a golden century, a Cockaigne of the spirit.-- Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum
Cockaigne comes from Middle English cokaygne, from Middle French (pais de) cocaigne "(land of) plenty," ultimately adapted or derived from a word meaning "cake."

6/25/08
To all our family and friends,

We hope that you and your family are well. As you know, we are in the process of adopting a little boy from Ethiopia. We are still waiting for our “court date” (this will get us a better time frame for travel) and we hope that we can travel this summer. The process of choosing Ethiopia as the country we’d adopt our son from was an important decision . Once we decided on Ethiopia, however, we wanted to better understand the country, its culture, its people, and the issues it faces. Ethiopia is a beautiful country rich in history and culture dating back to the dawn of civilization. However, modern Ethiopia suffers from massive poverty and there are an estimated 4.5 million orphans (more than the entire population of Los Angeles, CA). Many of the orphans have lost their parents to the AIDS pandemic and other diseases. Many of the common diseases and illnesses that we come across every day in our country can often be fatal in Ethiopia due to extreme poverty and the lack of basic medical care. Also, due to extreme poverty in Ethiopia, many families decide to relinquish their children because they cannot provide even the most basic needs for them. An Ethiopian child is 30 times more likely to die before his or her 5th birthday than a child born in the west. Half a million children (500,000) under the age of five die each year (one child per minute) in Ethiopia because of illnesses such as malaria and measles, as well as pneumonia, diarrhea, and malnutrition.We are dedicated to providing support to a couple agencies that we feel are doing good work for the children and families of Ethiopia. One agency that we support is African HIV Orphans: Project Embrace (AHOPE) (http://ahopeforchildren.org/) which takes care of children that are orphaned and HIV positive. AHOPE was originally founded to care for HIV+ children until they died of AIDS. In the early days, a child was not accepted into care unless the staff could afford a funeral for the child. Then in September of 2005, lifesaving antiretroviral (ARV) drugs were made available to the children of AHOPE and the children began to thrive, grow, and simply LIVE. It was a miracle of enormous magnitude. As the children grew healthier, their needs changed and now AHOPE’s focus has expanded beyond the basics such as nutrition and medical care, to education and even preparation for adulthood. AHOPE now reports that over twenty children they cared for are now home with their adoptive families and at least twenty more are in process.Also, our adoption agency, Children’s Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS) has a number of on-going projects (http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html) that provide healthcare, housing, education, and other necessities for children and their families. In order to do this good work, these agencies need support and supplies. We are asking family, friends, and co-workers to consider making donations to one or both of these two worthy agencies. Any donation, no matter how small, will make a difference in a child’s life. One generous way of donating would be to sponsor a child at AHOPE for 6 months to a year at $30/month. You can do this individually or as a group effort with others. Sponsoring a child would provide the child with lifesaving antiretroviral (ARV) drugs.

Ways to donate to AHOPE:

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to AHOPE through the agency’s secure online donation form at: http://ahopeforchildren.org/ (left side of page, “Direct donation” link). One option is for sponsoring a child at AHOPE.

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to AHOPE by making a check out to “AHOPE for children”. You can mail the check directly to us and we will forward it to AHOPE in late May.

• Make a donation of medical or other supplies (see list below). Gina will coordinate picking up donations over the next month, and then will be taking these donated items with her to Ethiopia to deliver directly to AHOPE’s facility (located next to our agency’s facility) in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.Ways to donate to CHSFS’ projects in Ethiopia:

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to CHSFS through the agency’s secure online donation form at: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html (bottom of page, “Online Secure Donation” link). On the form, be sure to direct your donation to “Other” and then specify in the comments box which Ethiopia project you would like to support (see http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html for the project list)

• Make a (tax deductible) cash donation to CHSFS by making a check payable to “Children's Home Society & Family Services” and designating on the memo portion of the check which specific CHSFS project you would like to support (see http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html for the project list). You can mail the check directly to us and we will forward it to CHSFS in late May.

6/14/08
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor

I do miss my daddy. He is the image of a warm shelter when I need protection from the world. What a great man! I wish he could be here with me everyday. I know I would be a different person if it weren't for him.

5/24/08
If you have some time, view this video by a National Geographic Photographer, Celebrate What's Right:
http://www.celebratetraining.com/

Celebrate what's right with the world.

What's here to celebrate? What are the possibilities?

The adoption journey allows the adoptive family to expand and grow and share their love. It allows those families who may otherwise not have the opportunity to raise children a new and revived hope and excitement. The adoptive family is given the opportunity to be blessed by and learn from another soul in a way that otherwise may not be possible. The adoptive family is able to connect with another family in away that may otherwise may not be possible.

It's in the doing

Travel to Ethiopia appeals to us for many reasons. First and foremost, of course, is the union with our new child.

Additionally, travel to Ethiopia allows us to learn about the country our child comes from. We will learn about the culture, food, people, the land. And the excellent opportunity to meet Tamene's birth mother. Some of our friends or family have asked why we need to travel. People wonder why someone doesn't just bring him to us here in America. Bringing our son home is only the begining of this adoption journey, not the end, especially for Tamene.

- on a side note, I went to a Travel Clinic today to ensure I have premium protections from any possible encounters with bugs, bacterias or other illness causing matter. My doctor today was from Ethiopia, how unexpected was that???? We spent about 30-45 minutes talking about Ethiopia, adoption, our adoption agency, and then about 5 minutes making sure I had all my immunizations. It was great. He taught me some Amharic and told me a lot about the culture and why some children end up in an orphanage. The most important part of this appointment, to me, was the doctor's repeated attempts to ensure I could say Tamene's name correct. I think we are now on pronunciation #3, likely this one is accurate or at least the most accurate that we will get until we meet him. Tah-men-ah or Tah-muh-nuh not that there is a variation in the pronounciation, but that it's hard to figure out the best way to write it phonetically. My poor dad keeps practicing the name, I feel bad to tell him we might still have it wrong. I just want to be clear now, we will expect people to learn to say it correctly (those with accents will be given some leeway).

Back to the exciting event of traveling to Ethiopia - today I talked with my mom about her trip to Turkey and the first time she met my dad's family. She said so many things made sense to her that had not made sense in the previos 20+ years of marriage. Why my dad thought eggs and fresh tomatoes makes a great breakfast, where my dad got his looks, his intelligence, his ability to dance and sing (if you know my dad you will find some humor in that last phrase - I love my dad!!) In any case, my mom feels that our trip to Ethiopia will be priceless in our ability to relate to and understand our son. My mom knows this, she has lived this, I trust that she sees many things in my future that I have not yet imagined.

So, Trent and I will have the great priveldge of expanding our family on this trip. Additionally we will be trying to learn about a new culture and people, in a new place (my one trip to Canada cannot be considered international travel), with new food, and the pressing need to remember EVERYTHING so that we can relay it to our son as he grows and asks questions. WOW! That sounds like a lot to manage... too much to manage. My wild imagination plans for all this as well as any other possible worst case scenario, lost luggage, illness, lost ID, upset or sick child. So Trent and I asked ourselves, how will we manage all of this and still find a way to enjoy this very special time with our son. We decided we needed a helper. Someone who has been close by and knows what I know about Ethiopia, knows what I know, and more, about adoption, knows about health and illness (a medical professional perhaps), someone who can tolerate the new food new, culture, and possible lack of restroom facilities. Someone who knows me well enough to tell me when to pull it together and when to let me lose it. Some one who is willing to spend about 70 hours in airplanes and airports in one week. The list of requirements goes on and on. Many people I know can handle one or two of these aspects, but all of them? Maybe my mom... nope she just had surgry and has zero interest in being on a airplane for 24 flight hours one-way. Maybe Siter-In-Love - no just can't ask her to leave her child that long. Maybe someone in Trent's family - no, they have a lot going on, and it's a lot to ask, just to come take care of me and Trent. Maybe someone is interested, maybe someone has mentioned they would come with - Yes... Soul Sister. She is a nurse, comes from a family who adopted, knows everything I know about this process and Ethiopia (because I make her listen to me ramble on). When we didn't know where we were going or how or when, she said maybe she could come... I need her to come. Imagine the change that Trent and I will experience during this time, how could we do it alone, why would we? We know many other families who take a friend or "guide" or family member.

All of these things are important, very very important and the main reasons we decided to ask Soul Sister to join us on this trip. But in the end I think the most important part will be the witness to the event that she can bring home with us. Since we asked her to travel she has coordinated medicine for travel and helped me to follow up on my packing and other to-do items. She has made sure we have numerous precautions from those bacterias, etc. that I mentioned earlier. She has been excited with me and said with me and she has waiting with me, and I am so glad that Trent and I have asked her to join us.

If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. ~Edgar Watson Howe

Soul Sister thanks for your interest and willingness to make this journey with us.

Where were you?

This blog is inspired by a question from another faithful reader of my blog. I know she has said a few prayers for me in my time of need. I appreciate her insight and questions they make me see things from another point of view.

Yesterday she asked what was going on in my life during the time Tamene was born. Computers offer an amazing amount of information about a person. There among my electronic files I found a snapshot of my life in October 2005. A blurry picture, but better than the blank slate that existed before my research.

I looked at my old files to see if I could tell what was going on in my life when Tamene was born. Actually the week or so prior to his birth I spent a week in Chicago for work; then about a week after his birth I was in Vermont. Apparently I was job hunting in the mean time, it appears I was updating my resume pretty frequently during this time. The averageness of what was going on in my day to day life just doesn't do justice for what was going on in the world and how it would affect my future. Had I even a glimpse of the random possibility that I might be here 2 1/2 years later, obviously, I would have stopped to honor this time for Tamene, and his birth mother. Oblivious to a world beyond my own, I was wrapped in a job, and missing my children and husband as I traveled. Tamene was born on a Tuesday.

Monday's child is fair of face. (ANGELISA)
Tuesday's child is full of grace. (TAMENE)
Wednesday's child will fear no foe. (NAVEN)
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving. (ME)
Saturday's child works hard for a living, (TRENT)
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

I read a little about the origin of this poem/rhyme, interesting... that's all just interesting.

With empty hands

Tonight there was a change that impacted people I love. In protecting privacy there are no identifying details in this story. Thanks for reading and understanding that this blog is a place for me to take an active and moving event in my mind and lie it to rest here for the night.

I went to help. There was a brief moment in time that seems some how frozen. From that moment you recognize someone you love is in need, you want to help. And love, I think, means you want to fix it and make it better. Whatever it is. And you believe, through love, that it is your sole responsibility to fix whatever is wrong and protect those you love.

Love is such a wonderful thing. Loves provides happiness and memories, and faith and hope. But in a moment where you cannot change what is affecting those you love, love brings pain... or allows pain, or requires pain, I am not sure which. There must be a direct correlation between how much you love someone one and how helpless you feel when you cannot protect, when you cannot fix. I saw this tonight.

In my mind there is an ideal world where everything works the way I think it should, I can fix anything, I know everything, and there is no mountain I cannot move. But outside of my "ideal world" there is an encounter with the reality of what a small little being I am in this great big universe. Life is a cycle, full of changes, we do the best we can to prepare, but there are surprises, shocking surprises that leave you feeling lost and confused. No book or research can prepare you for that unanticipated change in the cycle. Without information I feel stripped of who I am, finding a core fear that dwells suppressed by the endless trail of information I feed to that needy monster of fear.

By human nature we want to know why. And by human nature I believe we will find and create those answers in their own time - in the right time. The same series of events that we can create and follow in our mind, bring us to the blessings we receive or the losses we encounter. The blessing in my mind, may be a loss in yours. (for a moment back to the adoption - my blessing is another woman's loss). How can sadness and happiness, comfort and loss be in the same exact moment. A happy ending depends on where you stop the story (quote plagiarized from a Google search - I have had a long night, sincere apologies and gratefulness to the author who penned those words).

When I have nothing to offer, when that suppressed fear finds it's way to the surface, I do not have the answer, I cannot fix the problem, I am not even sure if I understand the question - it is there I have only love. And I offer my willingness to share the sadness and the loss, to carry a portion of the burden, if I can, if I am allowed, so that the burden is not so heavy for the ones I love.

In moments of loss where grief brings the pain we experience today, it is a result of the happiness we once experienced.

Love. Loss or Change. Fear. Reality. Blessings. Relief. An infinite amount of information could exist related to any one of these words, but tonight all captured in one moment.

Even when your hands are empty your heart can be full. Tonight that is all I had to offer.

Due date

I am sure you are wondering how I feel day one post Triathlon experiment. Let's just say it feels a lot like I swam a quarter mile, biked seventeen miles and ran three point one miles. I don't think I need to exaggerate, I feel every last stroke, pedal and step. I feel every last wave, hill and march in every part of my body. Nothing was spared. Experiment results: training for competitive sports will spare you from pain and injury. The funny part is I think I knew this before my experiment. Oh well, now I have first hand proof- see my positive mental attitude at work?

Tonight Soul Sister and I were calculating when we would be traveling to Ethiopia (just to throw it out there we= Trent, me, Soul Sister - more on that later).

The agency says it will be 8-12 weeks from our court date until we travel. Apparently they don't know me very well. I do not have the patience to wait that long. In my world, time just doesn't work that way. Oh, and rules like that also don't apply to me, they just don't. If there is a loop hole in the system, I will find it. I have completely abandoned the idea of waiting contentedly. If you e-mail me I'll send you his picture and you will understand why.

In any case, I have made many references to the parallels between pregnancy and adoption. Soul Sister was kind enough to point one more out, this one I don't like at all. She asks some crazy question about when my kids were born and their due dates... were they on time? "Yes, yes they were on time." Thanks so much for asking that encouraging question. If we have to wait more than 8 weeks, say 10 weeks because that would be considered "on time" in an 8-12 week scenario, I am going to explode. It's Trent's fault he's on time, the kids are on time. Not to say that I am early, I just know how to "work the system" even if I am running late. Angelisa lectured me on my timeliness the other day. Picture this, said by an 8 year-old with as much sweat and sarcastic humor as any 8 year old would have the ability to conjure up, "You know you are not a very good example as a parent?"
Me: I'm not?
Angelisa: Nope (note smile in the voice)
Me: Why do you say that?
Angelisa: Because you tell us to get ready to leave and you just keep typing on the computer.
Me: Is Daddy a better example?
Angelisa: Yes
Me: Why?
Angelisa: Because he puts all of our stuff in the car and makes sure we have everything we need, THEN he tells us to put our shoes on.
Me: That's why Daddy is better than me (note smile in the voice)
Angelisa: [Smiles back]
Me: Fine, lets go.

My point is, the kid is on time like her dad. So is Naven. Do you know how bad I wanted those babies to come out of my belly early. I took the advice of some Google searches and drank tea, and ate strange foods, etc. I was ready to meet my babies. I didn't mind being pregnant, but I hated waiting to meet my babies. I tried to get them out early, I really, really tried. But no! They both came exactly on their due date. Exactly. Thanks Daddy!

So, once again, Soul Sister brings me back to reality. I might, just might have to wait for Tamene to be on time like the others. But maybe my power of the Positive Mental Attitude will get my little boy here in record time. Let's place bets to see who is most in tune with the universe... Trent, Mr. On Time or me Mrs. I Gotta Have it My Way, Right Away (Burger King?)

No pain no gain

Thursday, June 26 (one month ago) was the last time I did any real exercise or working out, a forty mile bike ride took place that day. Yes, a couple of brief "open water swim" attempts while taking the kids to the beach and maybe one night a bike/swim. But not training everyday for an hour. It was prior to my last Triathlon on June 1 that I really trained for a race. Just days later I received our referral. Would it be necessary to point out that my focused changed then? Racing in another Triathlon fell way down the list after, figuring out everything I needed to do to prepare to be the mother of a 2 1/2 year old, mother of three, traveling to Ethiopia.

So in the previous couple of weeks people have asked me if I was prepared for this Triathlon. Ummm, nope. Not physically. I finally decided to explain to people that I was doing an experiment, see what happens when you don't train for two months and then run a Triathlon. "Have you worked out lately?" "No, I don't want to upset my experiment." So last night, "carb load" (read - eat as much pasta as you can fit in your belly and still get up and walk away from the table), then a good rest (read - up blogging until 11pm last night) and up at 4:45am to prepare for race day (read - throw together all the requirements to get through a race and spend 10 minutes looking for running shoes).

The event - 1/2 mile swim, 17 mile bike, 3.1 mile run. Lesson learned, if you prepare mentally you can achieve anything! I completed this race in 2 hours and 6 minutes, my last race was completed in 1 hour and 45 minutes. Today's race was longer. Fastest time in my age group in the last tri was 1:09 and the fast time in today's was 1:21. So it was a longer course possibly more difficult I can't account for all the factors. I would say I did pretty close to equally well in time. Oh, but wait... the story isn't over. I came home and took a two hour nap, and right now as I type, I would say I feel like I was run over by a truck. After the last tri - I felt pretty good, ready to go again actually. Today, not so great. I may return to bed after I complete this blog post. I can only imagine what tomorrow will feel like.

If I draw a parallel of lessons to be learned from this triathlon to our adoption process (I have to make the post relevant to the blog right?) I would say this: Prepare physically and mentally. Be hypervigilant about internal and external factors, and in the end success will feel better and be enjoyed more. I know some days I am over the top with some of my adoption preparations; but when I get to Ethiopia and I have every last item I need, no wishing for a bag of peanut covered M&Ms, no wondering if have taking an extra vitamin would have kept me healthy, no concern about running out of diapers or wipes - none of that. No surprises about a little boy who's not interesting having new parents, nor surprised family members responding to our intention to embrace a new culture, nor wondering why our new son is still having nightmares months after we are home. I will be prepared, and hopefully I have done my best to prepare others. You don't just wake up one morning and think you can run a triathlon, either you endure the pain of training before or the pain of racing after. I hope my preparations for this adoption is allowing me to pay my dues in advance so that I can enjoy the outcome of this adoption journey!

Living out loud

*I would like to apologize in advance for any references in this post that might offend. I really want to be able to make my point and this topic is hard to cover without pictures. I want to clarify, I know that skin colors do not come in red, yellow, black, and white. I don't use these references to make light of the issue, in fact the opposite, I am trying to embrace their culture and what is important to them, and how much I love each of them.

Today Trent and I attended a class at our agency. It is a required class for those adopting children over the age of 12 months. While we were there, we ran into a couple from a previous class. I love being part of this adoption community. There are a few things about being adoptive parents that can only be understood by families who are adopting or have adopted. We were able to have lunch together and talk about our journey. It was so nice.

Today the class, and some conversations, reminded me of just how unique and special this journey is. I reflected on the extreme change that is about to happen to my family. Being a mother of three is only the tip of the iceberg for what's about to change in my life and the life of my family. We are about to become a transcultural family. We will be a Turkish-Polish-Swedish-Norwegian-African family (not listed in any particular order, if you were wondering). All of us. We embrace all of those cultures and we are so excited to continue to teach our children about where we come from and what makes us special.

Once a family becomes different, visually different, there are many things that people will be able to tell or assume about our family. Some correct assumptions, some incorrect. Family photos with two light colored children and one dark colored child... likely some one's curiosity will require them to ask why.

One thing I appreciate about my family of origin is the diversity (see comment on previous blogs). When my family gets together it is like a United Nations meeting. We have Native American, Turkish, Greek, Taiwanese, African-American, and now we will add African. We love ALL the little children of the world, red and yellow, black and white - is that song still politically correct? The diversity extends beyond skin color and into colorful pasts, careers, religions, life stories and family dynamics. We know no two people or families are alike, but with my family, sometimes the only similarity is that we have so many differences.

So from my perspective Trent's family has tons of similarities through out the family and extended family. It was one of the first things I noticed when I met his family. They stood out because they all seemed so similar. I definitely appreciate this about his family. The Grandmas are Grandmas, the moms are moms. Not a dynamic changing environment like my own family. I don't want to draw any comparisons to say one is better than the other, that is not the case. They are different in a way that has to be appreciated. For Trent and I these worlds can create a great compliment for us and our needs.

I do have to wonder how his family may experience this change we are about to bless them with. We have made a decision that impacts his family differently than it impacts mine. If my family goes out to dinner (red, yellow, black and white), will anyone even wonder about our new little boy... will anyone walk up and say, "Hey, are you all related?" No, I think mostly people would decide we aren't all related. However, Trent's family will now include black and white. I look forward to the unique journey that this dynamic will create on its own.

Trent and I have decided we are willing to live out loud. We understand that people may approach us and ask questions. We have plans about how to deal with that and how to answer those questions. This is another reason I have this blog, to educate our friends and family about this change. Having this child requires us to be a family living out loud. So much for us all to learn and wonder about.

Before We Knew You...

*editing to protect privacy

Thanks to all of our family and friends who have written to Tamene. I know there are more coming but I wanted to post these to get started.

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears,
the age old question unanswered through the years.

Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
Neither my darling. Neither…Just two different kinds of Love.
Love from your Great Aunt Wally

- Wally, thanks so much for this touching poem, how perfect it is. I hope someday it will help to respond to those inevitable questions. Thank you for your support and love.

Dear Tamene-

As our family eagerly anticipates your arrival we think about you every day. We check your mom's blog everyday for updates and clap together when there is good news!! We pray for you that you will be safe, happy, and healthy until you are with us and we are able to see this for ourselves. I pray that the woman who brought you into this world will have peace in her heart and understand truly the generosity that she has given to your new family and the people that are a part of their life. I also pray for your mom, dad, Angelisa and Naven that they are able to have patience in the anticipation of your arrival.

I don't think that there words that capture the joy we feel as we await you coming into our lives. I want to tell you that I have known your parents for about ten years(wow) and Angelisa and Naven all their lives:) This is an amazing family that is going to take wonderful care of you! I have always been able to rely on your mom and dad for whatever I have needed in my life. They have cared for me and my family unconditionally. There are so many moments in my own life that I could not have got through without your mom. I am so happy that you are going to be able to a part of the this family and the circle of family and friends that they have created.

Welcome Tamene--I promise you that this journey for you will be nothing short of wonderful. Jody & Paul & Carter & Isabela Christensen

Jody, thank you so much for your sistership. Thanks for being witness to my life and this journey. You too have been an important source of support in my life, I am glad our paths have crossed.

"Tamene, I have been praying for you before we know who you were. There have been many prayers surrounding you and uplifting you. Your journey has just began. Your new home is very different from the home you have known so far. Hold precious in your heart the home you've known, and rejoice in your new home and surroundings. God has great plans for you. We shall continue to lift you and your family up in prayer and are eager to meet you face to face. Many blessings on your journey in life."
Barb

Barb, thanks for your support and thanks for sharing your "Best Woman" you have no idea how much she has helped me. Thanks too for your support (work and personal) in the last months. I cannot wait for you to meet our little boy, I know you will share in our joy!

Tamene,
Hey little man how lucky you are to be part of the Peterson family. The Lord is so great to provide you with wonderful family and friends that love you so much. And the world is so great to give you the opportunity to experience life so large and full of joy.
Oh how I can't wait to finally meet you!
bcopsey

bcopsey, thanks for being such a great friend! We have grown up together and I feel that we are family. I am so glad we were able to share in our "hobby" this summer, a great time of bonding. I am so incredibly proud of all your hard work. You inspire me!

BEFORE I KNEW YOU

On December DAY*,YEAR* in City*, Wisconsin , I gave birth to an 8# 6oz baby girl who I waited most all of my life to see. I dreamt about her from the time my body could produce a child. In middle school I drew pictures of what she might look like and ran thousands of names threw my head trying to think of the PERFECT NAME FOR HER ALONE. In the 9 months she grew in my body under my heart I wondered if she would be smart ,friendly and outgoing?Would she be a people person? Would she be Funny? Or Serious? Would she be perfectly formed? Would she be rebellious? Would she love me as much as I LOVED HER BEFORE I KNEW HER? And in my last trimester I even wondered if she would be a gymnast because she did constant flips pushing off my ribs and causing my bladder to tremble.
It was a very Snowy December and I kept debating if I should put up a Christmas Tree or not. Would I deliver before Christmas? Would I have a Christmas baby? At the last minute I asked my brother Pete to take me to my grandfather’s house to get a tree stand, I would have a Christmas tree to bring my little baby home to. He gave me a Very Bumpy ride saying we will bump that baby out of you. When we arrived at grandpa’s house I went in the basement to look around for the tree stand when suddenly I felt as if I wet my pants. I was sooooo embarrassed. I didn’t even feel as though I had to go but there I stood with wet pants in a puddle. I went upstairs to get Pete to take me home to change when who came through the door but my (ever absent in my life, once in a blue moon father) He took one look at me and said “ Your water broke”! I didn’t feel any pain at that time but by the time we traveled the 7 or 8 miles to Hospital* I was feeling my baby push her way into the world. Eighteen LONG HOURS LATER, there she was.
Kamille Middle* Last*. Kamille for her grandfather in Turkey. Babe* for my mother ( a family tradition of all first daughters having their middle name being that of their grandmother.) She looked rough. A broken blood vessel in her eye from pushing so hard to get into this world. Scrapes on her face and very red hair. Her father took one look at her and said, I really wanted a boy!! It took him until he actually held her in his arms to get over that and he adored her then and adores her more today.
At home she was the best baby. Waking only to eat. Not fussy. In the morning when the sun shinned in through the window by her crib she would smile and stretch. I called her my SunShine. And 34 years later she Still is MY SUNSHINE. She grew to be the best daughter anyone could want. She gave us absolutely no disappointments. She always set her goals and achieved them and more. She is Awsome. A perfect gift of God to us and her name bears that out(Kamille-perfect attribute of God).When I became pregnant with our Son I worried if I could Love him as much as her and if my relationship with her would change because of having 2 children? Aren’t Mother’s silly? God gives us a heart just like his that loves all our children if they are 1 or 12. The Love just keeps S-T-R-E-A-T-C-H-I-N-G to cover all her children.
Then came Kamille’s children Angelisa Denise and Naven Henry. The Love in our hearts streached and covered them. And from the moment they were born it was as if they were always a part of us. Somehow they were there in our hearts even BEFORE WE KNEW THEM. They are a Joy to their grandmas and grandpas. They didn’t grow in my tummy but they grew in my heart and I wondered all the same things. Will she be pretty. Will she have Great hair for Grandma to comb. She didn’t have a lot at first. What kind of person will she be? What kind of boy will Naven be? Who will he look like? Will he be a happy boy? Will he like to hunt and fish? What things will interest him? (He is the Apple of Grandpa Sam’s eye)
In November of 2007 Kami and Trent told us at Thanksgiving that they planned to adopt a child. At first my heart started again. Is this the right thing to do? How will it affect Angelisa and Naven? Your lifestyle is so busy. Is this the right thing to do? Then Grandpa Sam and I went to a church in town and there was a family with 3 biological children and they adopted 2 children, a boy and girl from Liberia, and the Spirit of God moved on our hearts. Grandpa Sam couldn't stop crying. The sermon was about marriages and there sat grandpa Sam with tears running down his face. ( he said I think everyone thinks we are having marriage problems) But God increased our Heart and our Love and a little boy named Tamene began to grow there. We started to wonder all the same things about you. Would you be a boy or girl? How would you look? Would you be healthy and a happy child? We couldn’t wait to see a picture of you as soon as Kamille and Trenton said this is the boy God sent to them. This is their new son. When we got the first pictures it was like looking at an ultrasound picture. A new life, part of us. A new grandchild to love. When I saw your big dark eyes and your ear to ear smile I just couldn’t wait for you to be born into our family. Our hearts began to Love You Before We Knew You. I told everyone at work I have a new grandson and grandpa Sam put a picture of you in his wallet with Angelisa and Naven. Now Tamene we wait, and wait and wait. It isn’t so long but it seems long until you get here. We pray for you daily. For your safety and happiness and pray that God will put love for us in your heart. That you will feel like we are your family because God has knit our hearts together. We don’t know at your young age all that you have experienced good or bad but we know your birth mom loves you very much to want to give you the best chance in life. We promise her and you we will do the best we can to fill up your heart and life with Love and a Good Family. Sometimes life isn’t perfect but God will carry us over what ever lies ahead and Love covers everything.

Love and Kisses Grandma Lovey and Grandpa Sam oxoxoxox

Grandma Lovey and Grandpa Sam, Momma and Daddy. I love you both so much. Thank you for your support and unconditional love. I couldn't ask for better parents or a better life. I appreciate everything you have done for me, I am grateful and I feel blessed. I know I keep you both on a roller coaster in life, with all my ups, way-ups and sometimes downs. Daddy, thank you for making me feel like a princess all of my life. Thank you for making Seneca and I the center of your world. Thank you for all of the sacrifices you made in your life to offer me the opportunity to be successful in my life. I recognize those sacrifices and I appreciate them. Thank you for the integrity, ethics and values that you have taught me to make me the person I am today. Momma, Thank you for being a role model of a strong, independent woman. Your unconditional love for me, my husband and our children is amazing. Thank you for teaching me to stand up for what I believe in. Thank you for showing me how to be a loving and protective mother to my own children. Thank you for being a mother and a friend. I know you will be happy in my happiness and sad in my sadness and there is nothing more I would ask from you than that. Again, I love you both, and know that you both love me in the most amazing way. With infinite gratitude in advance for the many years ahead of love and support that you will provide. I love you both and hope that what I do makes you as proud to be my parents as me to be your daughter. - not to mention it appears my writing skills may have been inherited from my mother, thank you for this beautiful letter to my son.

My Dearest Tamene and 7th great grandchild; I cannot wait to meet you, hold you, spoil you, for I love you already. In everything I do you are in my thoughts. When I first knew you would definitely be coming into our life and family the thought that constantly runs thru my head is; I WONDER...When I talk to your mom my conversation is, I wonder; How are you going to react the day her and your daddy get there and can finally hold you... Are you going to stay with them while they are in Ethiopia going thru the final stages of bringing you home...Are you going to be afraid of an Airplane...Are you going to be afraid when you see a television...are you going to be afraid of your brother and sister, who look and talk different than you...are you going to be afraid when you see a bathroom inside a house...are you going to be afraid of the toys that walk and talk by themselves...Your mom said to keep this short but if I would have to write everything- I WONDER- about it would almost be a book. As we all go thru our daily lives I WONDER how many could put them selves in a position of thinking, If I were to go thru this process would I ever think of how many thousand things there are to deal with and WONDER...Inconsequential things, that we don't even think about. I see your beautiful smiling face in my mind and heart, Tamene. Until we meet----I LOVE YOU!

Great grandma-babe

Grandma-Babe, I breath deep knowing there are not words to describe how much I have enjoyed taking this adoption journey with you. I have been so busy and worried about the details I sometimes forget to focus, I mean REALLY focus, on the little boy whom this is all about. I know that if I call you, you will remind me of his smiling face and every little detail about what you imagined his day to be. Checking in with you, is like checking in with him at the end of the day. "How was your day Tamene?" And surely you have wondered and encountered every detail he has encounter. Surely you have imagined his routine and every new and wonderful thing he has encountered. Thank you for everything you have done to bring me up and make me the person I am. But on this journey thank you for being the voice of my little boy!

to be continued...

Adoption re-cap

I am just going to do a re-cap of our adoption to date. I decided not to read previous posts to see what I have or have not covered. Just a review of what stands out in my mind today.

We decided last year in November to expand our family. There are other options that were available for expanding the family, adoption was our preferred and number one choice. I am still very glad we made this decision. Zero regrets. Happy with the agency, oh so thrilled with this little boy, and excited about how much I have learned.

Think about the ocean, compare it to a cup of water... a lot more ocean than your basic cup of water! That's the paperwork compared to any other paperwork I have been required to complete in my life - mortgage/house, cars, new jobs, enrolling kids in school, taxes. Apparently adoption has not met the "Paperwork Reduction Act". I have no idea what the Paperwork Reduction Act is, but it seems it should result in less paperwork for a process (Could it be that easy to explain? Maybe for Google or Wiki later). So we have completed numerous forms, we have documented lengthy descriptions about our childhood, our family, our marriage, and our children. We have sent of copies of birth certificates, marriage certificate, taxes - three years worth, fingerprints, and passports. I have been questioned, poked and in some cases prodded to ensure I am a fit parent, who will live a long and prosperous life (maybe you can predict these things).

On Tuesday, June 3, 4:46pm Central Time I received "the call". Our social worker leaves a nondescript message about calling her back at my convenience. I was shopping and "ignored" the call since I didn't recognize the number. I listened to the message seconds later and panicked. Your social worker doesn't just call you to check in. That would be like your doctor calling you out of the blue to "check in" while you are waiting for life or death test results... you KNOW why they are calling! I wandered around that department store, oddly trying to act like I was shopping. I wasn't able to make the simple decision to lay down my selections and walk out of the store. First the panic of the message... I heard her voice, hung up, and called Trent. No answer with Trent. Redial Trent, redial Trent. We have a deal that if I have an emergency I will call repeatedly and text until he responds. Otherwise I call him several times a night to leave random messages and updates about my day or the kids - so you see why our "code" is important. It has never actually been used. So three tries, next I call the social worker back. Me, "Hi, are you calling with bad news." Another one of my sorry attempts at humor - I knew why she was calling, remember? She replies with something like, 'no, but do you have time to talk' or something like that. If I wasn't so crazy excited I probably would have replied with, "Not really, I am shopping, can I call you back" More bad attempts at humor. But I said I could talk, and continued to wander in the store pretending to shop. A referral, she has a referral! She reviews pretty much EVERYTHING she has in writing about this child. Then she asks "Do you want to look at this referral?" "Hmm, let me think??? YES send the referral. She sends the info via e-mail. I should have upgraded my phone service to include the data package!

More repeated attempts to call Trent. Two times now. What will I do? Nothing is going to change in the hour or two until Trent can talk to me. Ok, call Soul Sister. "Help me, we have a referral and I can't get a hold of Trent," I say. "What do you want me to do?" she replies inquisitively. I demand, "Talk to me so I don't keep calling Trent. I don't want to interrupt his work." She proceeds to ask me what is going on, I think I was crying but I don't remember. I know I was trying to get home and I turned the wrong way - I started heading to Trent's office - that certainly wasn't the solution to the problem. What, was I going to bust into his therapy session and demand that my excitement was more important that their issues and therapy session? I think not! Anyway, Soul Sister is in the middle of getting her gaggle of kids in the house so she asks me if she can call me right back. She did call right back but I managed to squeeze in two more calls to Trent before she called.

Moments later, Trent calls. This is how I answer the phone "Check your e-mail right now!" I proceed to demand that he check his e-mail and I will tell him what is going on while he is doing as I ask/demand. As I tell about the social worker calling, he says "Awe cute." I demand answers, "Cute? Does he look like our son? Does he? DOES HE?" Trent responds that in fact he does look like our son. Take a moment to consider the humor and deeply moving meaning that came from that question and answer. I was NOT trying to be funny, I wanted to know what Trent felt when he saw the picture. Trent knew what I was asking, and that yes, this is our son. You might ask how we knew. I can only respond with this: How do you know when you meet your soul mate? How do you know when the "right" time is to have children? How do you know when to say when? You just know. We knew.

Since then more paper work and a lot more waiting. I am so excited that I get a son from this process as well as renewed friendships, bonding with family and new friendships. I have met fellow adopters who are such GREAT people. People I work with, people I have met on the internet, and people who I have met in my community who have adopted. All of them so willing to share and help, and all able to relate to the journey of adoption. All of my family and Trent's family so supportive and so willing to assist us during this time - many as excited as we are. Renewed friendship and strengthened friendships, those are my favorite! Thanks to everyone on the journey with us, and for those who stand close by to witness the journey.

I have a favorite quote, slightly morbid, but makes a great point.
Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
I am incredibly grateful for my husband, family and friends, new and old, who are here to be witness both to me and to this journey.

Lurkers de-lurk

A comment on yesterday's blog.

I wish more people would comment on your blogs. I like to be nosey and see what other people are thinking. I live for comments. - J.J.O

Me too! Too many Lurkers.

From Wiki:
In Internet culture, a lurker is a person who reads discussions on a Message board Newsgroup, Chatroom, or other interactive system, but rarely participates.

The verb to "de-lurk" means to start contributing actively to a community having been a lurker previously.

Feel free to post a comment. De-lurk yourself. Click on the comments line below, it open access and should no longer require a sign in, for those of you who tried in the past.

What should I blog about? & A follow up from previous post

Recently I felt some guilt for not including some people in this blog - guilt??? Seriously, why should anyone "want" to be in a blog about my son - I must think highly of myself (is she trying to be funny?). I am proud of my blog to be honest. I will guilt people who ask me questions that are answered here. "Umm, you would know that if your read my blog." Mostly I do it to be funny, except for a few people who are, as my friends and family, obligated to read. Sister-in-Love is the mostly likely to be harrassed for asking as question answered here. And she should be subject to public humility for it (case and point). I guess my expectation of her is not only to read this but to understand every detail. A lot to expect from my sporadic, stray topic, say-what-I-think blog.

But to justify my insanity I decided to think through it - Why are some people mentioned more than others? Influence in my life and history with me is the best answer I can come up with. My mom and grandma were there when I was growing up, I know how they respond to me and I can often accurately predict how they will respond. So I know how much and what I can write about them without getting in trouble, you all know how I like a little trouble. Also some of my friends who have been closely involved in the process, they have been there with me through the whole process, every day sending e-mails, asking questions and calling, they end up here a lot. They understand the process and they are so excited with me. Maybe some of them pretend to be excited, but frankly I don't care. I would pretend for them and they should pretend for me! That's like money in the bank of friendship. I think of Friend Goddess, I don't get to talk to her very often, but I feel like she has closely followed what's going on with this adoption, she has thought about how it affects her, and us ,and our relationship though it is more distant than it was at one time, this is big for us in our own way. But there is genuine interest, genuine excitement and great questions from Friend Goddess. To me those things make me feel the need to blog, it's what makes me glad I started this blog. A place to remember the people who are being so very supportive.

There are many people who are being extremely supportive who are not mentioned here, friends and family. Often they are not mentioned because I don't know how they would react to reading about themselves in black and white, or to hear about it through the grapevine. Some of them don't appreciate my sense of humor (and that's ok, I just don't want to blantantly offend anyone). And some of them, I just assume, would like to maintain their privacy.

And, since it worked so well for me last time, one more round of guilt for those who said they would send a letter to Tamene but have not. (Thanks to those who did respond so nicely to my guilt trip last time). Just make note, Sister-in-Love may think she is off the hook with that whole blog about the name, but she is again subject to public humiliation if she doesn't send a letter.

If you wonder about my earlier line about not appreciating my sense of humor reread that last line and replace SHE with your name . ... but SHE is again subject to public humiliation... can you handle it?

I even considered the appropriateness of this blog post but inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Eat, Pray, Love, I decided to go for it. Frist, I highly recommend the book, but refuse to be responsible for subjecting "sensitive" people to Part 3 of the book "Love". If you are easily offended stick to the Eat and Pray sections - yes even the pray section will not offend the easily offended (maybe the "super easily offended" - those people should avoid media all together). In her book she talks about there being 3 levels in a language class. She has no idea what criteria makes up each level, but she knows she doesn't want to be in the lowest level class. She doesn't care what the criteria is for level 2, she at least has to be in that class. My opinion: she cared about other's opinions. Sometimes I care what people think, sometimes I don't. I care what some people think, I don't care what others think - aren't we all like that at some level? Do you care what the "Bobs" think about you? (c'mon there are a couple of you movie nerds that know the Bob's).

FOLLOW UP FROM PREVIOUS POST (some editing to protect privacy)
From Grandma Babe after my last post about her

O>K> I am going to bed now ......Thank you Kam from the bottom of my heart That is all so beautiful......Hope and pray that u get your message Fri and that it isn't false labor and u don't have to wait any longer....almost 9 months...Have you thought about the fact that when you first talked to trenton about this adoption the packers and the vikings were playing and brett farve announced his retirement.....Now that your waiting for your call, brett is back in the news every day and they are talking about him playing for the Vikings as a possibility...Quite a coincidence!!!!!!!!! I am off to sleep and my little boy a world away is just waking up I love you and my babies and of course the hubby lol After all he made me those two beautiful babies ===== with the help of the momma, grandma and great-grandma genes!!!!!!!!!!!

From Grandma Babe on Thursday night after midnight - Start of the day of court:
IT IS AFTER MIDNITE AND YOUR LABOR HAS STARTED !!!!!!! PRAY IT WILL BE NO MORE THAN 24 HOURS AND NOT 3 OR 4 DAYS ====LUV U
THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!!
(e-mail included pic of hundreds of balloons being released)

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it. Friends are like balloons.
Once you let them go, you can't get them back.
So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.


Grandma after the announcement that we are through court:
YAHOO WHOOPIE YIP TO DO JUMPING UP AND DOWN SPINNING AROUND DANCING SINGING CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma, moments after the previuos e-mail:
R U ABLE TO CONTAIN YOURSELF?????????/ I CAN'T I AM JUST SHAKING THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WAY LATER IN THE DAY GOING TO GO LAY DOWN AND REST FOR AWHILE jUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT BUT THEN WITH YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THANK YOU LORD PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***************

From my mom in the midst of Grandmas e-mails:
Congratulations MaMa
Mom was at work, I understand her brevity and appreciate her taking time out to send an e-mail.

Weekend report

Friday Morning - Through court and off to work
Friday Afternoon - Pick up dry-cleaning, visit Trent's parents
Friday Evening - Shopped at the Somali Mall, spent the evening with fellow adopters
Saturday Morning - Slept in a little, helped Trent move furniture from his office
Saturday Evening - Get together with Trent's family (late Father's Day, and very late Birthday Celebration for Sister-In-Law)
Sunday Morning - Off to church to see Trent sing. Naven throws-up, return home shortly after arriving. Ask neighbor (Soul Sister) for small favor of support for our trip.
Sunday Noon - Announce to Trent that I plan to be completely packed and ready to leave in three weeks (knowing we may not travel for 12 ;-). Lunch with the neighbors (Soul Sister)
Sunday Evening - Dinner with neighbors (Soul Sister)

Many more details required for each of these events, but just a brief overview for me to remember the busy weekend.

Great time with fellow adopters, learned some new things.
Great time with Trent's family, they are so supportive of the process and the details.
Not-so-great time with sick child.
Great time with Soul Sister, I kind of like her and her hubby :-). They are super supportive too.

Through Court!!!

E-mail from our country specialist at 10:18 am this morning:

We have received verbal confirmation today that Tamene's case has made it through court in Ethiopia! The written court order and a written letter from the Ministry of Women's Affairs needs to be obtained by our staff in order for your child's birth certificate to be issued and sent to us via e-mail attachment. This process has been taking about 4 weeks. Once we receive and review the birth certificate to confirm that everything is correct, we will forward a copy to you and then you will receive a travel date for 4-8 weeks from the time we receive the birth certificate. Please let me know if you have any questions. Congratulations again! Have a great weekend!

Sorry for posting 12 hours later, but we were celebrating!

We were invited to join another PAC class group gathering tonight (PAC=Pre Adoption Class, or something like that). A friend of mine meets with her group every month and we were able to join them this evening and they shared in our celebration of this milestone.

I will post more detail tomorrow - off to bed for this new momma!

ONE

One day left! O-N-E.

In a count down, that number one can hold a lot of anxiety. 5, 4, 3, 2... 1... then success, delay or failure. All the work, all the waiting, and anticipation hangs in that moment. It sits heavy, it ponders its impact on the universe. Maybe it is the way the universe does one final check on her plans; is this what's right? Right for everything - what came before, what comes after, is this the right, the most right and perfect thing to happen at this moment? In the end, the moment had it's circle in the sand, the circle was there and planned for it to be exactly as it was, only known by those powers much greater than we can comprehend. But in the moment of the number one, we wait for the reveal of those plans, that have existed before time, to come to realization. (when looking at it like this, it really does make me wonder why I ever worry).

Just a reminder to myself and anyone else who is anxiously waiting with me... anything could happen so that tomorrow is not the day - power outage, missing paperwork, illness, lost files. Right now my mom is reading this thinking, "yeah right, Kamille KNOWS that kind of thing never happens to her." I do have a good feeling we will make it through court and I will get notification about it tomorrow. But, I like to prepare myself, just in case we do have to wait a little longer. Just hanging in there for the "we have lift off", the whole space exploration and walk on the moon is yet to come!

Our Country Specialist did e-mail me yesterday to say that we could hear as early as tomorrow or possibly as late as Tuesday about the results of the court proceedings.

We also received new measurements for Tamene yesterday, he sure is growing! Amazing what food and heath care can do to reverse the effects of malnourishment. His height, weight and head circumference have all increased. At this point he has been with the care center about 10 weeks.

A couple other notes:
A great big ginormous THANKS and hug to Soul Sister for all her help this week (painting, cleaning, private yoga sessions, decision making skills, etc, etc, etc.).
Grandma Babe - I saw your e-mail reply to my post at nearly midnight last night.
Sister-in-love - Any word on how many chickens are needed to keep a Boeing in the air?
Total number of replies to my request for notes to Tamene: 2 (yes 2, and at least 10 of you have told me directly you are "working on it")

Here's to waiting for the universe to reveal its plan...

Two posts for two days left: in honor of my most "dedicated reader"

I know Grandma Babe likes to check this blog ten times per day, even though I generally only post once. So this post is dedicated to Grandma Babe, first for being my "most dedicated reader" second for being the first one to respond to my request for a note (letter, story, quote, etc) to Tamene in a previous blog post. I will post all of those letters and notes together, but I want to make special note of the one from Grandma Babe.

Several of you have mentioned you will send a letter, note, quote, etc. I really, really appreciate every one's willingness to share in this journey. Please do take note that it kills me not to have a deadline for when these will arrive, please feel free to send them soon (ASAP :-), and I don't want to hear anything about how you don't know what to write, or you can't write very well, this is post #53 for me... I am only asking for one or two lines from you :-). The purpose of this is not as much content, as much as find a way to represent yourself in a documented way as part of our journey - a picture or song would be as welcome as anything. I know you can do it; you know you can do it!

I have mentioned Grandma Babe in an earlier post. For those of you who don't know, that is really what we call her, it is not a name made of for this blog, "Grandma Babe". I did post a bit of information on her back on April 5. A great woman, if you have the honor and privilege of knowing her, you would never, ever forget her. We love her for her honesty - ok, "straight-forwardness" is probably a better way to say it than honesty. I have to decline to use the word honest, since she allowed my brother and I to drive without a license, she hid my brother's car accident (prior to legal driving age) from my parents, she might have kept a couple (read a LOT) of "secrets" for people, and she has the ability to tell the truth 100 different ways if it will protect her family or friends. I don't think it compromises her virtues at all, but I am just saying - straight forward is a better descriptor. She tells it like it is period - unless she has to tell it in another form of truth - I think you get the picture. She is a great woman, your are privileged if you are her family or friend, and cursed to be her enemy. So don't, don't be her enemy, or the enemy of her tribe - make note, it's just not a good plan. I'll move back from my tangent...

Grandma Babe's letter to Tamene:
My Dearest Tamene and 7th great grandchild; I cannot wait to meet you, hold you, spoil you, for I love you already. In everything I do you are in my thoughts. When I first knew you would definitely be coming into our life and family the thought that constantly runs thru my head is; I WONDER...When I talk to your mom my conversation is, I wonder; How are you going to react the day her and your daddy get there and can finally hold you... Are you going to stay with them while they are in Ethiopia going thru the final stages of bringing you home...Are you going to be afraid of an Airplane...Are you going to be afraid when you see a television...are you going to be afraid of your brother and sister, who look and talk different than you...are you going to be afraid when you see a bathroom inside a house...are you going to be afraid of the toys that walk and talk by themselves...Your mom said to keep this short but if I would have to write everything- I WONDER- about it would almost be a book. As we all go thru our daily lives I WONDER how many could put themselves in a position of thinking, If I were to go thru this process would I ever think of how many thousand things there are to deal with and WONDER...Inconsequential things, that we don't even think about. I see your beautiful smiling face in my mind and heart, Tamene. Until we meet----I LOVE YOU! Great grandma-babe

See she does love him! She does say "I wonder" in every conversation about Tamene. Some days I think her excitement exceeds my own.

Grandma Babe is one of my heroes - along with my mom, dad, and loving husband (and on a bad day Dilbert):
A hero has faced it all: he need not be undefeated, but he must be undaunted. - Andrew Bernstein.
I am sure I do not know all of the obstacles and trials she has encountered in her life, but I know she has been through more than some of us would dare to imagine. I see her, sometime she celebrates, and mostly she stands strong. She is indeed human, like all of us she has her moments where I think she may have her regrets, sorrows or perceived failures. But, to me a hero, not undefeated by some of her trials, but indeed undaunted!

I love you Grandma Babe - now go back to bed! I won't be posting again until morning :-)

TWO

Two days left until the court day!

Breathe.

Yesterday I went to see my doctor. She will also be Tamene's doctor. I like her a lot; an appointment is a conversation, not a bunch of directives and strange instructions that I don't understand.

I used to work there (see the post about passing out from needles)... anyway, I know people that work there. So I called for an appointment two weeks ago. Someone I know was scheduling appointments. She wondered if I thought I needed 30 minutes or 15 minutes. The next 30 minute appointment wasn't until late August. With hopes that I will travel in late August, I decided that was cutting it way, way to close for my liking. I wanted to talk to her about what I should bring for medication, vitamins, etc. for Tamene. I would need time to plan and make sure I could follow any instructions she might have. So, back to the scheduling of the appointment, I was told there was a 15 minute appointment available in two weeks. I said I would take it and I hoped that I could squeeze all my questions in without making my doctor run very late.

So the night before last I spent about two hours going through the paperwork to find all of the information that I wanted to bring to my doctor. I am not sure if two hours was because there is so much paperwork (because I kid you not, there is a LOT of paperwork), or because I obsessed over the information for too long. Probably a combination of both. But, I will blame the expedition on a ridiculous amount of paperwork.

Then yesterday, I get to the doctor with two stacks of paperwork (organized, alphabetized, prioritized as needed). I wanted to know about my medication, and preventative medication I could take to stay healthy while I was there. Is there anything Naven and Angelisa need to do to be prepared for anything that Tamene might have when he gets home? What about medications for Tamene? What if he is sick when we get there? What questions do I ask the pediatrician in Ethiopia? And of course the list of lists of other questions other adoptive parents have brought to their pediatricians along with outcomes of prescribed medications, recommendations and preliminary diagnoses. I also brought information from the international adoption clinic that I worked with, and other various pieces of information that the agency sends that I thought was relevant.

Many of my friends work in healthcare. Some of my best friends are nurses. You know me, I am THAT patient. I mean who brings in a stack of paperwork like that for a 15 minute appointment. My mom is a medical assistant, right now she is reading this and her blood pressure is rising knowing what it would be like to enter all of that information into the electronic medical record.

BUT, I want you all to know that my two hours of preparation for that appointment got me in and out of there in 20 minutes. The doctor took my list answered the questions right on the page. She looked over Tamene's information, wrote me some prescriptions, took a moment to reminisce about my passing out the last time I was there, signed up for "My Chart" (the online portal to my medical records), and we even had another nurse stop in to look at pictures of Tamene. I may be a wacko patient, but I am efficient in my wackiness.

THREE

Three days left until court. My anxiety builds hoping that all goes well on Friday.


Anxiety is the essential condition of intellectual and artistic creation - Charles Frankel


That's all I have to say (don't act so shocked).

Count down - FOUR

Friday is our "court date" - four days to go! Another reminder that "court date" means that someone in Ethiopia will take our paperwork and Tamene's paperwork and represent us in the Ethiopian court. If everything is approved, we will be officially and legally recognized as his parents as of the 18th. Talk about building anxiety!

Other updates of note... The "nursery" is done. The boys will be sharing a room. I decided we would offer the name nursery so that I could make the following statement. "Not just every one can paint black in their new baby's nursery"... I'll try to post some pictures, but there is one black wall in the room. I love the rooom, it's perfect. Naven likes it too. Soul Sister helped to paint and arrange it. THANKS SISTER!!!

I have a couple of stories that family have sent for the "before I knew you stories" for Tamene, I hope more of you are able to send some this week. (Just e-mail me any thoughts or stories about the process, or family, and inspiriting quote, I am just looking for a memorable way to track those who were a part of this journey with us).

Thanks too, to all the frieds who came to visit over the weekend. It helps the wait go faster when I have things like this to keep me busy. It was great to see everyone!


Here's to ending the week as Tamene's momma!
Wish me well!

Thanks again for everyone's support and encouragement, we need it more than ever this week.

Through their eyes

Trans Racial Adoptee - TRA; children adopted by a family of a different race than their own. For those of you who wonder what Tamene will think about being adopted and coming from a country where nearly everyone looks like him, to a country where nearly no one looks like him.

Here is an essay written by a 14 year old TRA from China.

http://kadnexus.wordpress.com/2007/06/04/my-sisters-adoption-essay/

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should. ~Author Unknown

I had several interesting interactions with friends in the last days. I just want to blog about the experience, each friend brought me a lot to think about and I experienced a wide range of emotions. I am thinking about this for the first time as I type, so hang in there for the journey of this blog.

Friend 'goddess' writes: I consistently check your blog and think that its amazing. You and Trent are amazing--this whole process is amazing. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of this process. Not that I ever assumed adoption was easy, but I had no clue as to the minute details involved....So I would just like to say Miss Kamille--I am truly honored to be your friend and what an amazing journey we have had!!!!!!!!!!!

Friend 'goddess' and I have shared many life milestones. We were pregnant at the same time with our biological children, we were coworkers in more than one job, we share alma maters (though neither of us have completed the master's degree yet, you can place your bets on her finishing before me), and we share many acquaintances. We have experienced some great times together and a few trials, things that seemed big at the time, but some days make a humorous story now. I like her, she's got a fun personality. The adoption makes a clear difference in our paths, she pointed this out. She went on to say, "So after much soul searching I realized that what a beautiful gift friendship is--despite what is going on in your life you can still grow together and be stronger for yourself and the other person because of it." No jealousy, no judging, just friendship in a real and very raw way. Thanks 'friend goddess', I needed your words today.

Friend 'little sister': She was in the hospital. Being released tonight, she's ok, but a hospital can be scary for anyone. I have tried to reach her to communicate with her recently. But we have had trouble connecting. Or should I say I haven't hear from her. I am not judging, no guilt, just a fact; I haven't heard from her. I worry about her. Worry when weeks pass without some brief e-mail or text message. She's like a little sister. And I want to protect her, but I haven't been able to put out the energy or "protection" that I think she needs. Maybe she doesn't need it. She is strong, she is much stronger than she thinks, some day she will find her internal power. I hope the world is ready for it. Potential energy just waiting to become kinetic. I wish I could be there for her, I definitely want to be there when the kinetic energy lets loose. I believe our friendship is strong enough to make it through this time where I have little to offer her except the love in my heart.

Friend 'big sister': I have a friend who is not that much older, but ohh so much wiser than I (she is going to owe me big time for the lie of saying she is not that much older ;-). This friendship is amazing to me. I have never had a friendship that is not based on some reciprocity requirement or expectation of some kind. But here, nothing. We are who we are, do we what we do. If there is a crisis, a need or an issue she is there, and I am there. No questions, no worries if weeks go by without communication. If there is a need, one of us will call. Intuition here is strong. Why does she call to check in when I am having a bad day? How does she know? Why do I call to find her in tears, or needing a moment to vent. The universe uses our relationship like pawns in a game. Someone knows the what and why, but it's way outside anything I can comprehend! I do love her. It's live having my own Dear Abby in my back pocket. There is never a doubt in my mind that she will be there if I need her, never.

Friend 'BFF at Work': I just want to say that my BFF at work is on vacation. I miss her. I think she and I make each other better people, better at our careers. We can give honest feedback about how we do at work, no judging, no hurt feelings... just the best interest of each other. No competition either. We just do the work and share our frustrations and accomplishments, and talk about family. I look forward to seeing her everyday. We are kindred spirits who compliment each other. I can't wait for her to come back to work.

Friend 'sister in love': I have a whole post about her yesterday. Funny stuff too. She's been in a couple of these sappy posts, you all know how much I love her. I just didn't want to leave her out.

Friend 'soul sister': A phone call tonight from the friend who I think sees my soul. She is a mirror to my soul and a gift from God. She offered her empathy for my ache to hold my little boy in my arms. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes, streaming tears. The chaos of my brain reflected in just a few words from her. Her patience, love and commitment to me do not get the reciprocation they deserve, but she knows how difficult this wait is. I know our friendship will come out on the other side, and I hope she knows that I will be there for her, in the same way she has been there for me through all of this waiting.

After I talked to her I thought about the incredibly long and difficult wait to meet the babies that grew in my womb. I thought how much I longed to hold them in my arms. Then I thought about other times you have that loss feeling: a lost cell phone, how sick does that make you, when you can't find your phone? What about when you can't find your keys, or your social security card (mom???). You just want them back. Inanimate objects that offer nothing other than the security of knowing they are there. Replaceable objects. And I will NOT pretend that I know anything about the loss related to a miscarriage, but the thought of falling in love with a child you have not yet met, the hopes and dreams that develop before you ever meet that little being and the thoughts that come even after the loss... my son and my love for my son grow every day, every moment in my heart. The anticipation of a child should be revered. For those who have hoped to grow a child in their womb, for those who have and who have lost that child and for those who have the privilege of watching your children grow, I have to believe the love is the same. The whole experience and the unbelievable emotion should not be underestimated. If you are a mother, think about the child you grew and nurtured in your womb (or in your heart and soul), then imagine sending them over 7,000 miles away and know that it will be months before you can hold him again. I remember my hysterics when my first born daughter was away for a week. I didn't think I would make it - and she was in the hands of my mother. My little boy is with people I don't know, in a place I can't imagine. I have my own fears about going there as an adult with my loving husband; and there he is, my little boy alone, and brave facing the world. As a mother, this is incredibly distressing.

I am ok, I know he is being well cared for - as well as a child without a momma can be. But I just wanted to reflect on my emotion, it comes sometimes and I loose my breath. Here it is 10pm CST... about 7am in the fine country of Ethiopia. I sleep and he plays, the physical is truly a world away. But he is here, he is right here, growing inside of me, growing in my heart.

Much gratitude and thanks to all of my friends and family who continue to support me through this time of waiting and of joy. Each of you help me to be what I should!

It's an "inside" joke

I was reminded of another funny adventure that occured over the weekend.

This is mostly full of inside jokes so I don't expect you to "get it", but there should be a little humor in the read. This really has NOTHING to do with adoption, but it was a moment of sight seeing in our journey. As always, thanks for reading.

Let me start out by saying my 15 year high school class reunion is coming up. We have one of those fancy websites with all of our information, class pictured, bio, weblinks, etc. My very good friend decided she wasn't going to post anything (I decided to help her out, she should be proud of her accomplishments!)

Feel free to read about her below (posted in another blog to protect privacy):

http://kampossible.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-ferrunda.html


Saturday night we got together with her 'hubby' Lester. Great guy!! He's so good looking. She'll tell you she married him for the money and the dental... but you can see how she might fall in love with a guy who's so fun to look at.

Play the video below:

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Super-fantastic Blog & A Near-death Experience

One week and four days until our court date. Then we wait for the birth certificate, then we wait for a travel date, then we wait to travel. Aside from a possible update around the 20th of the month, we really can't expect to know anything new until next month when the birth certificate arrives. Hmmm, the waiting - sigh.

If there were to be any waiting contentedly, it is about spending time with my kids/family and enjoying my new job. I am happy that I get some time to get the ball rolling with my new job, that helps me to wait contentedly. As I mentioned, I refuse to wait contentedly for little Tamene, he needs his momma and daddy!

Today I was able to pester some of my super-fantastic friends (Keith Harrell, who needs an attitude coach with friends like this?). They are assisting me in getting donations for the care center. I received a list, from our country specialist, of items that are needed at the care center. Some of the items are just not available in Ethiopia, or sometimes there is a shortage of an item due to power outages or just intermittent availability. It appears that some of my super-fantastic friends are getting the ball rolling finding me donations and I won't be disappointed if I need to bring another suitcase! Thanks all!

(thanks to the super-fantastic friend who left several boxes of baby clothes in my cube for me to use!!)

Calling all other super-fantastic friends and family (and any other blog readers :-):
I have a favor to ask...
I would like to create a keepsake, that would have a few words to Tamene from each of you. A short letter, poem, quote, funny story, words of advice, or blessings would be some of the content I would be looking for. Send me an e-mail and please sign it with whatever you would like me to note for you as the author on this blog ( i.e. kampossible, kp-minnesota, Kamille, anonymous, etc). I hope to put this together in the next 2-3 weeks. Since the name of the blog is, "Before I Knew You" I would like to have it posted before we all know him. (some of you will get an e-mail requesting you write something - grandmas be prepared!).

It appears that I have been taking life too seriously. A shortage of funny stories makes me wonder what is different. I have a goal to create some funny stories. Oh, wait, I do have one. Remember the Billy Stick/Club that scared the daylights out of me in my cube? Today I notice Billy Club man (I will get his approval to call him this tomorrow) is walking around on crutches. A little noisy... not obnoxious, but I noticed it. I am in the middle of some very important, detailed, information technology work (a.k.a., checking e-mail), when suddenly a crutch comes at me out of no where! I bounced out of my chair, hit my keyboard, and had to pick my heart up of the floor before turning around to reprimand him for nearly scaring me to death. OK, so he didn't mean to frighten me, but I am jumpy, people shouldn't approach too quietly! I am going to get a bell that people have to ring before they move into my cube "bubble". Ok, that's not the funniest story, but trust me when I say I almost died today!

The little one said, "Roll over, roll over"

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams) by the Dixie Chicks is in the video posted above.

I slept on an airmatress between my two peanuts the last two nights. Slightly cool air moving over us, making them snuggle in as close as they could. Oh, I love them. Sometimes one would roll over and put an arm around me, sometimes one would realize she had moved a little to far to keep warm, and then move right back in to the 98.6 zone. I loved falling asleep with them and I loved waking up with them. They are a part of me, I feel whole when we are all toghether, being connected. Trent was close by, I wished we all could have been together, right next to each other all sharing warmth and breath. I woke up yesterday and wondered where would our baby boy sleep? I have a right side and a left side... room for one child on each side, perfect for the last two nights.

I woke up thinking about the little rhyme:
There were three in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over."
So they all rolled over and one fell out,
Now there's two in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over."
So they both rolled over and one fell out,
Now there's one in the bed and the little one said,
I'm lonely, I'm lonely...
So they all got back in.

Later in the morning, I asked Angelisa, "Where will all of you fit, all three of you, if we sleep together?" Angelisa decided that Naven would be on one side, Angelisa on the other, and Tamene could sleep on my belly. I thought this was a creative solution, but presented the thought that it might be difficult for me to sleep all night with a two year old on my chest. Angelisa decided that one child could lay above my head. Well, I can't argue with that, I just don't know which child should have that spot.

Godspeed, little man. Sweet dreams little man! Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angels wings. We cannot wait to be together!

"I just want to go get him" - Trent

Poor Trent. I drive the man crazy. 5 hours in a car traveling, do you have any idea how many questions I can ask and how many stories I can tell? As we travel to visit my parents, I pester Trent with every question that comes to mind:

What do you think about traveling to Africa?
What do you think it will be like to sit on a plane in a two square foot space for 20+ hours?
What do you think Tamene will think of us?
Do you want to stop? I need to use the bathroom.
Can I read you my blog?
Can I read you another blog?
What color should we paint the boys' room?
Where should we buy bedding for their room?
Where are we, are we almost there?
Do you know I found airline tickets for less than $2,000 each?
What's Dayna's e-mail address? I want to send her my blog.
How many times do we have to listen to Johnny Cash sing Get Rhythm? (ok, I didn't ask that, but I should have).
Are you hungry?
Trent, what should I write in my blog? What do you want people to know? (see title quote for this blog).

That's all for now, just a random thought for today!