Post Script (Ethiopia changes me)

One post script before I go. Unless something shockingly important comes to me, this is the final one. If you have needed kleenex in the past to get through a post, I would recommend one again. If you really want a moment to reflect, I might be so bold as to say that this should be read alone and in privacy. But that's just me, because these are my thoughts and reflections and they were life changing for me. Ethiopia changed me I can't and won't speak for anyone else. The inadvertent use of the word "we" anywhere in this blog should be disregarded (same can be said for mother(s), American(s), women, etc). I can barely account for my own experience; I will not assume I could accurately describe anyone else's. As I have said and will say again, this is all about my filter, my view, my perspective. You might go to Ethiopia and see something else, but this is my story, this is what I saw, and this is what I carry with me. Ethiopia was an amazing place. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about the world and I acknowledge that there is an infinite supply more to be learned. Approximately one year ago we decide to adopt a baby. No where did I ever sign up for, or agree to, anything that said I would get SO much more than I bargained for. I would do it over again, just that being the planner that I am, a little forewarning would have been much appreciated. Wanting to expand our family, having three instead of two - seems now like such an innocent and even ignorant endeavor. I can only imagine that in any adoption there is a complexity of adding a completely new family member, culture, and possibly set of values to a family. I imagine the complexity of domestic open adoption (where you meet the birth mother), or the complexity of international adoption where you do not meet the birth family... then our experience, international adoption and meeting a birth family, they all have their own complexities. I know my words cannot do it justice. I want to take another opportunity to say that I am looking at this situation from my Western eyes. My limited exposure to planet Earth does not allow me to have a broad perspective, or even close to a balanced perspective, of any kind. If I were born in another part of the world, or if I were born in Ethiopia, this may all look different. This is about my learning and my experience not a generalization about a culture or a group of people. Me - my experience - period. Just two blocks down. There were two guest houses available for families with our agency in Ethiopia. A short walk (maybe 2 blocks) from one house to another. As we made that trip several times during our stay - there was a constant. The image - A grandmother, mother and baby, sitting quietly, rocking, living right there. I don't know their story, an inability to speak their language literally and figuratively, I don't know if they were related or why they were there. But they were there - every time we passed they were there. Sitting, quietly, living. We gave them money, because we didn't know what else to do. But I felt quite small and humbled that money was all I knew to offer. Journalists and media might have the ability to photograph this situation, but it seemed intrusive and disrespectful. From my eyes it looked like the dignity of these people had been stripped. I pray that they have a different view on life than the one I saw, that they understand why... why... why. We see "homeless" and "beggars" here in the States, but I can say that I have never seen a mother and child, who looked so hungry and so needy as what we saw on that corner in Ethiopia. I am ashamed of what I have and others do not. Again, I am not looking to live in another time or another place, I just want to acknowledge privilege in whatever form it is packaged. I am sure I will never forget those three - grandmother, mother and baby. May they be blessed with whatever happiness can find them. Mind's Eye Strange as it may sound, I often take photographs, in my mind's eye. I decide that there is an image and I freeze it, just that way, just as a picture, no movement, no feeling or emotion, just a photo in my mind. The photo is there and I can access it whenever and wherever without much effort. And when I do, I can apply all the feeling or emotion of when the moment existed or re-evaluate it for a present emotion. (you can apply whatever pathology you want to this later, just follow me for a moment). I have an image of each of my children in their first moments "with us". I have an image of the first time Angelisa held a rattle. I have an image of Trent on a walk in the rain when we first dated. I have an image of my little brother about to hit a baseball in little league. Complete color images, with light reflections and shadows that help to remember more than the image. But it is the image, just like a photo and, as I mentioned, the feelings I apply to it. Disclaimer I cannot stress enough how it is impossible to accurately describe this next part using words. It is mostly emotion and reaction, it's like trying to take a picture of hot or cold, or describing a color in the dark, it just doesn't work. These are the disclaimers I must offer, because in my heart there is no way I can read my own words and be convinced, I know a reader will never be convinced, unless you were there. Traveling to Hosanna It was 6am on Wednesday morning (I think). As I have mentioned numerous times, I am missing blocks of time during our trip to and return from Ethiopia. I can't tell you anything about getting ready that morning or getting on the bus. I can't tell you much about the first couple of blocks... but out of the city, a new place - something I knew I needed to remember. I thought to myself, I must pay attention, I must remember ALL that I can. For Tamene, for my head and for my heart. I must remember as much as possible. The destination that day - to meet Tamene's Adda (his first mother). I knew I would not be emotionally in a place to observe the surroundings on my way home from this trip. I watched out the window, and tried as intensely as I could to take as many pictures in my mind's eye that were possible to be absorbed. The camera was low on battery and I knew I would want to be sure to get photos (real) at Hosanna. Mile after mile, picture after picture... people - people everywhere. Walking, people walking. Where were they walking? What were they doing? Mile after mile, people walking. Mile after mile I noted the green but no bodies of water. Finally we came upon water about 2 hours into the trip. Here in Minnesota you can barely make it to the corner before you see another body of water... in Ethiopia this is not true. Green, it is green. It is beautiful. I don't know that I have seen these images much in the media. Before I knew you Ethiopia was a place with children with distended bellies and swollen eyes, being swarmed by flies, waiting for an American to skip their daily cup of coffee to "provide hope for a child." Ethiopia was a barren place with sad and sick people. Mostly helpless. Before I knew you Ethiopia could have been on another planet, and Before I knew you, Ethiopia didn't affect me. Or at least I was naive enough to have all these selfish and ignorant thoughts. Ethiopia is a beautiful, beautiful place.

Ethiopia does affect me, it did Before I knew you, and it will forever forward. Aside from Tamene's connection and obvious bond with this country, there is more. First of all a proud country, full of proud and loving people. I recommend you read up on their history. Except for a brief "misunderstanding" of occupancy by the Italians, this country has never been colonized. And they are proud of it. They are proud to live in this place. If you haven't been there, I am sure it is confusing to think about being proud and underfed. Maybe for a moment, picture being a proud American in the settling dust of the World Trade Center attack. Things don't have to be perfect for us to be proud. We just have to acknowledge or efforts, that's what makes pride.

Back to the trip... we were passing people, and animals, and people and animals. Often times we had to slow or stop on this main "highway" like road (although the only main road for miles in either direction) to wait for the people to move. The beauty of the trip was frequently and consistently interrupted by the driver sounding the horn as a warning that we were coming, however politely asking people to move. If they didn't move he would slow and wait. The only equal rights - and this is a horrible comparison- that I felt I experienced was the right of way of human, animal and vehicle, regardless of road or pavement, gravel or sidewalk. So the bus moved along beep-beeping as I noticed the rolling hills into rolling mountains. Looking out over a hill side I see the tops of several huts' roofs peeking out from the trees, grasses, and False Banana plants. Along the way, my mind's eye is very busy snapping shot after shot. Green hillsides, Acadia Trees, people, huts. Herds herded by young boy after young boy. Small children walking alone or with older children, parents no where to be seen. Young children carrying younger children on their back. Everyone seems to be going somewhere. I imagine the parents are caring for some other family need, sending their children off to do the best they can for the day and being rewarded by returning to their home together each evening.

I continue to watch along the road taking in the sights trying so hard to notice the light and sun, and the colors, the temperature and the smells. It's so much work. I am exhausting myself. But for me and for the stories I tell Tamene, I continue to "research" and gather information. Did I talk to those around me on the bus during this time? If I did I don't remember. But the people outside and the hillsides, I remember.

Arriving in Hosanna

A day prior to this trip we were able to view video of Tamene's birth mother, meeting her would have some familiarity for me, but none for her. I would have the excitement of telling her how beautiful Tamene is and how he was already loved by all of us. She would have the difficult task of asking us if we would raise him as our own, and if we would provide for him and make sure he grew up well. Perspective continues to settle on me. Where did all of this come from? Love for a woman I had never met, compassion for a broken heart I didn't understand and empathy for grief I could not imagine - where did it come from? How did I get here. Months earlier it was only excitement about a new family member. This would be a good thing (and it is) and we would all be excited about the opportunity to be blessed by another child... no one warned me, not even a glimpse, of the heart wrenching difficulties that I was about to experience. Or, if I was warned, I wasn't listening - ignorance.

I feel that I have come a long way in sharing these parts of the story, and I will continue here. But I will stop to say that there are no words, not even a fathoming of the imagination that would allow me to try to communicate what it was like to meet Tamene's first mother. I will tell you that she is a beautiful woman. He clearly gets those amazing eyes from her. My heart sank when I saw her. They share their eyes, the profile is shockingly similar. She and I, we held each other, there was no "comforting" but rather a passing of a torch and a receiving. There was nothing that would comfort her, she was clearly heart broken, but each hug and each kiss was another creation of a memory, a hope, or a wish. I hope I heard her heart as clearly as I thought. I hope my heart spoke back as clearly as I tried. I love her. I miss her. I will never forget her hands, her touch, her skin, her hair, her eyes. Each piece of her has it's own vivid memory, each slide together to make her real. I hope that some day Tamene can meet her, and if somehow that opportunity never reveals itself, then I pray I have captured those moments strongly enough in my spirit that he will feel them when we speak of her. I will end there. Mostly because there is no end. We did leave that place, but there was no good-bye, she is with me as I hope I am, and Tamene is, with her. I hope that in the memories of Tamene she finds a moment of comfort when she is in need.

Leaving Hosanna.

We left Hosanna. I do not remember leaving. But I do recall leaving part of my heart there.

We traveled back North to Addis. Along the way our agency arranged for us to stop at the home of a "local family". I promise to educate myself more on all of this and get the terminology correct. For now, just the western view. They lived in what we would call a hut. There entire living space was the size of one room in my house. I am sure this is not a surprise, we have seen pictures and heard about this. We were there in the home of this beautiful family, maybe 7 members. I am not sure how they all slept in that space, it was small and I can imagine they each sleep next to the "fire pit" in the middle of the living area when it is cold. I'd like to consider myself privileged for something as small as being able to rest at night when I don't have to worry that my two year old might wake and decide to play in the fire.

So this little home was near a road, but you could see many homes off in the distance that were probably a few miles from the road... and we had heard of many more that lived several hours walk from the road. And on this trip in driving, I now can say I don't recall passing one hospital or medical center of any kind. We saw a couple of schools, and maybe I have a flash of a Red Cross that we might have passed... but if you live two hours drive from there and you have an emergency, I don't see that being a reasonable or likely journey... these people do not own cars. We were the privileges ones with cars, cameras, stickers, clothes and food. So no medical care near by, we didn't see any water in this area either. The children all came to us. So excited to see us or maybe excited to see what we were bringing. I had stickers. Stickers???? These are starving children and I have stickers. Again, there was no warning about this, and the trip didn't come with an informational packet outlining the correct "souvenirs" (read, survival items)to distribute to these children. So after we photograph the children with our "high tech" cameras and show them the pictures of themselves, they are so thrilled. We hand out our stickers, fellow travelers brought pretzels, toothbrushes, and other small items. We head to the bus to depart. The children follow. The windows are open and the begin to put their hands in the window. We start digging in our bags for any food we may have brought for ourselves. Protein bars... just in case I might get hungry, I brought protein bars. A day long trip and I have along a handful of protein bars because I might, might, might feel a twinge of hunger.

Let me tell you about the hands in the bus. All those little hands. This was more than reaching for a treat. More than a holiday parade where my kids have been so picky they "didn't want that kind of candy" and either wouldn't pick it up from the ground or if they did, didn't eat it later. There were the little hands. I blindly pulled things from my bag and just handed them. Not noticing that only the big enough and tall enough children were getting anything. I dug around hoping to find more. While digging I look out the window to see only the strongest were able to get items. But there was a little hand, a little girl, her fingers barely inside the bus, pushed to the back of the group but struggling to get the tip of her finger even near the bus. I saw her out there, I found one more bar, I grabbed her hand, I held it. I took her fingers and quickly and tightly wrapped it around the bar and pushed her hand back, giving her time to run before the boys might try to take the food from her. Only recently did someone explain to me that at times the children will physically fight over this food and that what we offered to them probably had bigger repercussions than just taking food and it belonging to the person possessing it at that moment. I hope that little girl was able to keep the food and eat it. I wonder if our protein bars gave a moment of relief of hunger. But that is my western view, my American description, I can't claim to know anything about what it was like for those children before, during, or after our brief and unknowing visit.

I have pictures of the home and the children that we met that day. The pictures are beautiful, the people are beautiful. Nothing about the pictures captures what we saw at that home in Ethiopia.

If this blog is making you sad, or you wonder how much longer I can go on... you have only been reading a few minutes... we were there a week. A week - a tiny drip in the bucket of time, but not enough words that exist to explain it.

An e-mail to JB while I was writing this post: I have been writing a long time... it is long (this blog). It is sad. JB, I am sad. This is not about Post Adoption Depression, I love, love, love Tamene. I couldn't be any more in love or be any more his momma in any way (ohhh it makes me soooo excited for you)... but I am so so sad about what I saw in Ethiopia, I mourn for him the loss of his first mother, I mourn for me the loss of a sister (his mother) that I never knew. - In thinking about this communication to JB, I mourn for what I did not learn about the country while I was there. I was there to bring home Tamene. And we did. But as I mentioned earlier, I didn't know this all came with the "deal". I had no idea the the emotional experience that was about to hit me like a truck. I knew that there was a big truck coming our way when we decided to adopt... but that was about a baby and a family of five that would live here in Minnesota., that was about intercultural, interracial adoption - that was about being accepted by our family. That was about bringing home a healthy child... Healthy? What did I know?

Leaving Ethiopia

Leaving Ethiopia was bittersweet. Landing in Washington DC, feeling like the adoption was real and complete, final, in it's own symbolic way. So sad that Tamene would not be able to live the beautiful culture of Ethiopia first hand, yet so grateful that he did not have to experience the effects of Ethiopia first hand.

Before I Knew You

Before I knew you I read other adopting parents notes that including fretting about the kind of bathroom they would use while in Ethiopia. Or wondering if the food would be something they "liked". Others, including myself, worried about earplugs to ensure comfort while sleeping, or feared bedbugs and the discomfort that might come from possibly sharing a home with such critters. Another concern was whether or not we would have our own private car for the trip to and from Hosanna. Families were concerned about their privacy after such an event. Privacy, really? Privacy? We- umm, I, just completely invaded and stripped this birth family, the first family, of any privacy and possibly dignity that they might have had about this situation, and I am worried about my privacy. It's wrong to worry about these kinds of things, it just is. I didn't know it then, but I know it now. There were the reasonable worries about the status of our children and the progress of adoption... I think that is all reasonable and expected. But looking back... who cares about a bathroom, who cares about what kind of food you eat for one short week of your life. Who cares if I was "comfortable enough"... I'll spare you my thoughts on childbirth in that country versus this one, only to say again, how blessed I am.

Before I Knew You the world was a smaller place. Before I knew you, I knew very little, and now I know how much more I have to learn. Before I knew you I loved you. Before I knew you, you belonged to us and to this family. Before I knew you, I prayed for you. Before I knew you.

Knowing you

Now, here I am. I know you. Little Tamene, how perfectly you fit into our family. Each of our children making the perfect fit and the perfect combination for our family. We welcome you, your first mother, your first family, first culture and life experiences... we welcome you here to this time and place. We welcome you home.

What's next?

What could be better than a story that never ends. You can watch us all live happily ever after at http://www.theyalllivehappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/ . I promise that the new blog will continue to address issues of race, diversity, adoption, gratefulness, gratitude, pre-teen years and life with a three year old boy from Ethiopia. I promise to try to offer the naked truth about my experience with my family, while maintaining the privacy and the dignity of my family.

What can I do?

I asked myself, while writting this post: What else can I do? I have many big plans and big dreams about how I can change the world... but today I will take this small step:

http://www.compassion.com/

This is a program that allows individuals to sponsor children in "developing countries" who have needs. There are many other opportunities that are out there to change the world. But, in our travel group to Ethiopia there were two familes who sponsored children through this program. They were able to meet the children they have been sponsoring and see the difference they have made in the lives of these children and their families. So, that's what I will do.

What will you do?

What will you do?

Edit 7/24/09 - We never signed up to sponsor a child. But I think I still did take action. I still did something. I still made an effort to make another small change... 5 days from now I will be in Ghana joining my two newly adopted daughters. Ghana changed me too!

They All Lived Happily Ever After

Visit my new blog:
http://theyalllivedhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

Be sure to book mark that link; the "Before I Knew You Blog" is retiring. Each of my children has a detailed account of my journey to them and the time before I knew them. Each different, but amazing and life changing for me. Angelisa, Naven and Tamene: I love you!

Again, many thanks to those who traveled this journey with us. I have heartfelt gratitude to all of you!

If I had started this blog with a wish list of things to learn about, receive, and grow in... I couldn't have created a more perfect experience than the one I lived during the past year.

I love my children, they are all a blessing. The blessing of the journey to Tamene was more than I could have ever imagined. I learned a lot about myself, my children, my family and my friends. I view the world through a new filter, where things are complex, yet more beautiful than ever.
Hopefully, with eyes wide open, I will find more journeys, more opportunities, and more love in this short moment we call life.

See you at: They All Lived Happily Ever After
http://theyalllivedhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

A few responses:

Seriously I can't believe cacti have made a running theme in this blog. John, I will need you to purchase a cactus that we can take photos of Tamene with (of course this will be a well monitored photo shoot and neither the child or the cactus will be injured during the filming).

NLO, I will get you pics. I am glad that you have hung around on this blog. You are my big brother and I do look to you for approval. I don't tell you how often enough that I love you and miss you desperately. Most days I encounter a childhood memory that includes you. I wish you the best every day and hope that life is offering you its best. Now, you are/have been the parent of the four legged type of children. I don't get any sympathy from you about the loss of my little Luna? Save it now, soon I will be posting pictures of my new little Ethiopian Coffee Dog... you can just rave about how cute he is!

Gram, I love our family, but the LAST thing I want to do it take a road trip with Tamene. I'd be happy to hold an open house and everyone can come here :-)

Hilde, I tried to call you and stop and see you at work. Sorry we missed you! The Sorrento Grill in DC was great, I would recommend it.

Lisa @ Work, it was great to see you. I am constantly moved by the outpouring of love that has come from this journey, thanks for walking with us.

JB and Mc Sturm, sending all the positive thoughts and vibes I have, your day is soon.

What is a family?

A few random thoughts and comments.

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck
How many times have you stepped on your kid, or bumped them and knocked them over and then fixed it instantly with a kiss. And why is it that you can't buy that same stuff bottled? I have never applied a band-aid, a spray, or a cream that has ever cured ANYTHING as fast as a kiss can.

Lilo: "Ohana" means "family." "Family" means " NO ONE gets left behind."
Lilo was a smart kid... she loves Elvis and family. Seriously though, think about this statement, realize how we could change our own little world if we took it literally. No one gets left behind. We are all family and we are all here to help each other succeed.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. ~Ogden Nash
Trent found the "common cold" part funny; I actually laughed at the "occasional animal" part. Let me just slip in here that a new puppy is on the way. More about him in another blog.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu
At this very moment I am not sure if I am more proud to be the parents of my children or the children of my parents. But both ways, it worked out perfect for me!

*** I do have a new appreciation for the word family. Every time I say it or hear it, it rings louder and hits harder than ever before. I suppose it's like taking air for granted, it's not a big deal until you don't have any or you worry about the future of it. Some times we question our family or wonder how that person ever came from the same line (environmental or genetic). I thought this quote made it more clear:
We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies. ~Shirley Abbott

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard
I agree, and frankly, if you are out there and you need one of these "families", let me know, I'd be happy to have you (stalkers and unwanted lurkers excluded). I'd say if there is anything I learned from my family, it's that anyone can be part of the family if they really want to be, all you have to have are the guts to come on in!

Just a few final words for tonight. Love you all!
KamPossible


From dictionary.com...
Synonyms:
ancestry, ancestry. associated words: genealogist, brood, cadency, category, children, clan, class, cognomen, descendants, domesticity, dynasty, extended family, family tree, foris-familiate, genealogy, generation, gens, group, household, kin, kindred, kinsmen, line, lineage, menage, nepotic, nepotism, nuclear family, offspring, paternity, pedigree, progeny, relatives, tribe

Definitions:
–noun
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
3. the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.
4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
6. Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.
7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.
8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.
9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.
10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.
11. a group of products or product models made by the same manufacturer or producer.
12. Biology. the usual major subdivision of an order or suborder in the classification of plants, animals, fungi, etc., usually consisting of several genera.
13. Slang. a unit of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra operating in one area under a local leader.
14. Linguistics. the largest category into which languages related by common origin can be classified with certainty: Indo-European, Sino-Tibetan, and Austronesian are the most widely spoken families of languages. Compare stock (def. 12), subfamily (def. 2).
15. Mathematics.
a. a given class of solutions of the same basic equation, differing from one another only by the different values assigned to the constants in the equation.
b. a class of functions or the like defined by an expression containing a parameter.
c. a set.
–adjective
16.of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a family: a family trait.
17.belonging to or used by a family: a family automobile; a family room.
18. suitable or appropriate for adults and children: a family amusement park.
19. not containing obscene language: a family newspaper.
—Idiom
20.in a or the family way, pregnant.

What I've Learned

I have learned that the world is a very big place. And I am a very small piece of it.

I have learned that doing anything to improve the world, no matter how small, is huge.

I have learned that love comes in many packages; it is not for me to decide, but for my heart to accept.

I have learned how little I know, how little control I have, and how everything can be put into perspective. It's a choice I make.

I have learned that I cannot be taught patience, but that patience will be applied to me as needed, I do not have control.

The smile of a child is one of the greatest gifts that we can receive.

No matter how long you live, in the end, you have lived exactly long enough.

Family means love; biology doesn't have the final say.

Loss prepares us and gives us strength. I don't like it, but that's the way it is.

Letting other people help is a sign of strength and wisdom, not weakness.

The power of the statement "ask and ye shall receive" is as powerful as "if you do not ask, you will not receive"

Opportunities are only opportunities if you seize them.

Don't judge, educate.

Fear is just an excuse. (I can catch a Hershey bar out the window at 70 mph.

Friendship is not measured by the quantity, it is measured by the quality.

Never under estimate the power of ice cream.

All of these words, from "Once upon a time" until, "They all lived happily ever after" have been about my journey before meeting Tamene, Before I Knew You.

I still have a lot to learn about little Tamene, I still have a lot to learn about each of my children, and they have a lot to teach me. I am so grateful for each of my precious gifts and the ability to share them with my wonderful husband.

At this very moment my three children sleep together, and comfort each other to sleep through the night. Sharing love and comfort and understanding of what each needs, and what each must sacrifice, to support each other through another night of sleep.

May I continuously encounter opportunities to learn and to be taught.

Reflections

Yesterday I assembled a photo album of our trip. 200 photos. I noticed a couple of common themes. Tamene moves a lot. Tamene likes the bus. Tamene can throw a great tantrum.

In most of the pictures Tamene is smiling and as adorable as can be. You can see those huge eyelashes in almost every picture. But there are a couple of occasions where we have a play-by-play of a full blown tantrum. Head back, body on the ground, face in the dirt, pictures don't capture the fine sobbing noise he has mastered over the course of his short life, but is it humorous.

The light is different in Ethiopia. Maybe the elevation, maybe the positioning in relation to the equator. I am not sure. But it is beautiful. Some of the pictures are so amazing. The light in Africa made everything more beautiful... visually. I continue to be hesitant to comment on the people and the culture of Ethiopia, because I cannot do it justice. Through my Western filter there are so many blind spots. Since meeting Tamene's birth mother, I have wished many times that I could view the world through her eyes, just for a moment. I do not wish to have a different life or to be in another time or place... but I wish that I could have the capacity to see the world in many different lights, just one of those being this woman's eyes whose heart I wished I could comfort.

I live in a beautiful place. There is a pond I can see from one window and the colorful effects of fall upon the trees through another window. A cool breeze across my face as I snuggle into my warm clothes, with an apple and a cup of tea. An infinite supply of information at my fingertips. This is a great place to be. I am grateful and blessed and would not give it away, but I do feel that I have missed out understanding the complexity of planet Earth. I have a new desire to understand what lays beyond the edge of my world. I have a slight sense of panic realizing how much more there is to learn, and how little time we are given to do it in.

Eleven days ago we returned from Ethiopia. I cannot say that I am rested or recovered from the trip, the whole experience. There are still many pieces of the trip that I cannot put into words, and then of course there are periods in time that I don't even remember.

A few people have asked what I would do differently, or maybe what advice I would have for others. I am satisfied about the time I spent making lists, it didn't seem waisted. I was happy with the amount of packing I did, I felt prepared for most any situation I encountered, as well as a couple for fellow travelers. I would have been more prepared had I ever traveled out of the country before. I did enough research that there were several things that felt "familiar". All in all, I feel good about how things went. Trent and I were very, very grateful to have Jamie along. I can't say I would recommend that other people bring a travel companion, unless you have a Soul Sister you can bring. This isn't just any trip, and not just anyone will do. I won't speak for her, but I don't think Soul Sister's services are for hire. So I can't offer any additional advice about how to make the trip better for someone else. But if I had to (or do do) it all over again, having my Soul Sister there was the core of what little sanity I took with me and I would do it again.

Tamene continues to adjust and is doing well. We have a few minor (and very temporary) medical issues that we are dealing with. But this is all to be expected. He has been communicating with us well - all non-verbal at this point. And he seems to understand most things that we tell him.

I continue to plan to close this blog in the near future. I am just keeping it as a security blanket to give me the opportunity to add any new thoughts that come to me about the adoption or specifically our trip.

I continue to feel extreme gratitude towards all those who have walked with us during our adoption journey.

Much love to all...

(warning: possible Kleenex post)
I know I have mentioned in previous posts, I try to be careful about who or what I reference, as some people are more private than others. Or, there are things that just don't seem appropriate to share.

I do want to protect privacy, but there are a couple of incidents that I want here for the purpose of documentation. As tired and overwhelmed as Trent and I are, there are blocks of time missing from our memory from the past couple of weeks. When I read over my notes on our trip to Ethiopia, some of it was a surprise to me. So I'd like to justify the following post by saying, with all due respect, this is for documentation for us and our children about this time in our lives, I ask for forgiveness in advance if this seems inappropriate.

Saturday we buried Luna. We took her to Jamie's parents farm and she rests now near the dog the Macks recently lost. It's amazing what we (humans) can find comfort in. Luna is buried with a bone and few outfits I bought her as a puppy (mostly to irritate Trent), and all the tears of serendipity I could fit in one little wooden box. We said our good byes and each of the children shoveled a little piece of earth onto the box. It's amazing how much of my heart went into that box. It's a good thing that love and heart are infinite...

Sunday (yesterday) we went to the hospital to visit Trent's grandpa. He has not been feeling well and all the family went to visit. Grandpa was able to meet Tamene and we were able to tell him about our trip to Africa. Today... tonight, Grandpa has gone home to his final resting place. I feel honored and blessed to have met this man and his wife, who is an amazing Grandma, and to have shared our adoption journey before he passed. There is much more I could say, but I want to respect that this is a difficult and sad time for our family. I just want to say that we loved Grandpa and that he will be missed greatly by this family.

Much love to all our friends and family. Good night.

For when he wakes...

I saw this quote framed recently. I love it!

Let him sleep, for when he wakes he will move mountains.

Tamene continues to show us an abundance of energy. I cannot sleep tonight, but am hoping that he will continue to rest, so I can go back to sleep as soon as my eyes get tired again. Tamene is an amazing little boy. He has the greatest smile and brings out the best in Naven and Angelisa. Don't get me wrong, they are already showing clear signes of Siblingdom, but Angelisa is such a great teacher and Naven is so compassionate. They both work to comfort him. Each one of my children has such unique gifts. It is amazing to watch thier relationship grow and settle in so quickly. Tamene makes Naven and Angelisa laugh. He is such a little performer. Ahhh, it is so quiet here in the Peterson household at 2 am on a Monday morning. It sure is nice to be the mother of a sleeping family.

Experiencing Gratitude

Denis Wait
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.

William Arthur Ward:
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Felix Frankfurter:
Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep.

Theory of Relativity

We are all doing fine today. I'd say that things seem more normal today. But I am confident that I don't know what normal is any more. Thanks to everyone who helped us make it through the last 48 hours, and thanks for all the calls to check in on us.

Tamene and Meadow have mostly called a truce. Tamene will allow Meadow in his space without screaming, but if she gets too close he will try to step on her or throw something. Poor Meadow. Don't worry, we are working with Tamene to correct the problem. He seems to be getting it... well actually he always seems to get it, the question is how long and hard he wants to test the limits before actually following directions.

Tamene ran and played so very hard yesterday. We thought he would be wiped out and sleep right through the night. Nope. And he was up this morning full of energy and ready to go again. I am going to blame this on continued jet lag, time confusion of some kind. I can't wait to see the mess I have on my hands when he finally crashes. Or maybe he does indeed come equipped with this much energy. Only time will tell. Or maybe a little study on E=mc2, will help me figure out how much energy he has left? If nothing else works, I will have to start moving a lot faster and hope for the Theory of Relativity to kick in!

Wish us well on our first coherent weekend together as a family of 5, may we all have as much or more energy than Tamene.

Goodnight Moon

I am not sure if this post requires a Kleenex warning or not. I can tell you, I have finished off a box of Kleenex and moved on to a roll of toilet paper.

Our adoption journey has a parallel story or maybe a predecessory journey that has helped me prepare for our Adoption Journey in the most amazing and, well... serendipitous way.

"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for." - Lawrence Block

As the story goes, I wanted a baby. It was last November when it all started. We had just begun considering the adoption process, and we didn't have any idea how long it would all take. But my maternal instincts were so strong. I was desperately in need of a baby.

Only weeks, maybe days, after Trent and I first discussed adoption, we were approaching Christmas and my mom talked about how her friend had some puppies that would make great Christmas gifts. The idea was for other people, not for me. My mom hadn't intended for me to take this suggestion personally. But before we ended our phone conversation, I wanted a puppy.

I wanted a puppy, the puppy should be little and cute, and should be mine. I didn't know how instrumental she would be in distracting me from the wait in our adoption.

In just a day or two, my mom managed to get me pictures of this little puppy, a girl, (so tiny) that would be mine. I immediately drew the conclusion that as difficult as the wait would be for a puppy, whose picture I held in my hand; how much more difficult would the wait be for a child when I held that picture in my hand.

I printed out the pictures and carried them with me and decided on a name. Before we knew Tamene we called him Baby Kashi... I thought to name the puppy Kashi, but the name had been assigned it's purpose and she would need another. I stuck with the food pattern and she would be named Luna. (Kashi bars and Luna bars, my favorite standby food for triathlons, trips to Africa, and your basic "make it through the morning snack").

Luna's picture in hand, I waited for her to arrive. The wait seemed long and I was so excited. I frequently noted my excitement and wondered how I would ever make it through the wait for a child if I was barely making it through the wait for this bundle of puppy.

At last she arrived. And she loved me. She followed me and was always near by. She was sneaky and loved to steal things and hide them under a chair or table. Before company would visit I knew to remove the random pieces of papers, toys, socks, underwear and other items she had stolen and moved into hiding. Though I never minded. I loved her and the cuteness was worth the inconvenience.

She really belonged to both Angelisa and I. Only responding to us in our plea to have her come so we might take her out or settle her in for the night. I was proud when she didn't go to other people. She knew she was my dog and she would come to me no matter what.

Last night serendipity set in. We lost Luna, her short life and even shorter time with us had come to an end. She came in to help me through the wait. She prepared me for the experience and then as quickly as she stole my heart it was broken.

In the moment of loss I realized just how this little dog had prepared me for so much. Prepared me for the wait. Knowing what it would be like to look at a picture and to fall in love before meeting. And that the bond could be immediate and binding with only one glance.

She prepared me for the tornado that can come in a small package. She always created more drama and had more needs than the big dog, Meadow, and some days even more than the children combined.

She was cautious, she looked to me to make it ok, she always stayed near by, I never wondered where she was, always with me, sometimes so near I couldn't see her.

I loved this little dog. I loved her, and I was proud of her. Proud that she was cute and wild, but most of all that she loved me. Sassy, she was so sassy. She knew how to get attention. Every morning she would come to me for petting and love before she could do anything else, so adorable. Most mornings I would stop everything to hold her for several minutes or until Trent asked if I planned to go to work.

Tamene was afraid of her at first, but they interacted. She was somehow different now that he had arrived. A little grown up and a little more demanding. It seemed that there would be either a battle of the hierarchy or a passing of the torch. Just the night before Tamene and Luna had called a truce and he kissed her... from fear of her to kissing her in just days. And that was it. It seemed she approved and there wouldn't be a battle of the hierarchy, just acceptance, and later we would see a passing of the torch.

We have lost our little Luna, the 6 pound puppy who could create a tornado or take down the big dog as needed, make Trent fall in love with her (the little rat that she was)... and overcome her own fears to allow another human to find a moment of peace and accomplishment in allowing them to pet her.

So much of this seems to prepare us for our 3 year old tornado, who seems to come to me for comfort. Tamene, awaking this morning as I type, coming for his love, and ensuring he got his hug and planted a big kiss on Mommy.

I loved Luna. Loved. I just wanted a puppy, I just wanted to be a mommy. I couldn't bear the wait to Tamene alone. I needed a partner, though not often silent in voice, always right there to comfort my anxiety or fears or bring a smile in the times of worry and impatience. She was sent as a gift with a purpose. She offered more than I ever could have asked or dreamed and then she was gone. As timely as she arrived, she left. Not without making her parting peace with the little boy who stole my heart from her.

Tamene leans to kiss her on the nose, as afraid as he was of the little dog, a kiss. I witnessed the kiss and I did know everything would be ok. I wish she didn't have to leave us, I wish she could have stayed, but as an angel comes to comfort and then leaves you when you are strong, so did little Luna.

Goodnight Moon.

Honoring Adda

I have edited this several times since posting... I just can't get the words right... but I have received feedback that Kleenex may be required during the reading of this post.

Our trip to Hosanna. Many of you have asked about this. The purpose of the trip was to meet Tamene's birth mother. The information and content of the meeting is very private, and mostly there are not words to describe what we encountered. I want to offer some thoughts that are appropriate to share with our friends and family as well as an overview here in the blog for our children to have a basic understanding of the content of this meeting.

The details of Tamene's life before he came to be with us are private and belong only to him. We are the keepers of this information until he is ready to accept it. And we will honor the privacy that is due him and his life before we knew him.

Our trip to Hosanna started very early in the morning. The nannies came to the guest house to care for the children for the day while we were traveling (this is not normal procedure, but due to the holidays there were many changes and exceptions in our schedule). It was hard to leave Tamene knowing where I was going and that I would see his birth mother.

The trip to Hosanna took about three and a half hours by bus. The first thirty to forty-five minutes we were still leaving the city, Addis. After that it was all country side. Beautiful mountains and amazing plant life. Considering the severe drought affecting this area, it is so green and beautiful. I have traveled in the states before, seen the leaves changing color on the east cost, and not been so impressed. We live in a beautiful place in the Midwest. We get to see the leave change color, and watch the sun rise over our own mini-oceans. We swim in clean and beautiful rivers. We know the hot summers and enjoy the opportunity to experience snow at Christmas. We complain at times, but deep down we live here because we love it, there is something that draws us here. We don't have mountains, but we do have rolling hills, we don't have deserts, but we play in the sand dunes. I wasn't prepared for the sights I was about to experience.

In Ethiopia, the sky is beautiful and the light reflects off the land differently than here at home. With the altitude, you see the foliage in a shade of green that we do not experience here. It is deep and intense and provides more beauty than even our green spring. Or, that is what the eyes of my eyes saw.

The conflicting story. The bigger surprise that was in store for me was the state of the people that was initially masked by the beauty of the land. So many people, walking, walking. So many children working and seemingly young and alone, with no sign of a caretaker for protection. I can only comment from my Western eyes what this must be like for the people, how difficult life must be, but only compared to the ease and abundance we know in the United States. For them it may be different, many of them appear quite happy. I wonder if they wake to see the sun rise and note its beauty the same as I, half a world a way. I have to assume these people do not long for Nintendo, microwaves and baseball. They seek out the true and basic needs in life: food, shelter, clothing, and I must add spirituality. The children smile and many of the people wave to us and shout out any American words they may have learned. Only they know their state of happiness and content, it is not for me to guess or assume.

I thought that the US media had to drive hundreds of miles, through difficult terrain and search far and wide for these people who live in mud huts and have little or no food. People without shoes and who gather together in large communities to survive. No, it is the way of life. There it is, ever present and as far as the eye can see. I can't say "just like on TV" because it is not. The experience of the presence of these people and this state cannot be covered accurately by any journalist and most certainly not by me. Again, I can only assume through my Western eyes that these people, provided food, shelter, clothing and freedom of religion, are not only happy, but very proud of the lives they live. It is only my eyes that can judge and "feel sorry".

Our visit seemed intrusive in many ways. I longed to take a picture of the man whose feet clearly told a story of his life. But he seemed so proud and it seemed wrong for me to take his pride to turn it into my souvenir. There were many moments like this. Many times I wanted to capture a picture, but that there was no way the picture would do justice to the moment that was frozen. It is not about a moment... it is about a culture, a life time, a story.

Prior to leaving for Ethiopia many adoptive parents shared concerns of what to eat, where to go to the bathroom and how to avoid getting ill. After seeing this country, those thoughts are embarrassing. I am embarrassed that I don't know better about our world and the planet that we humans share. Even more embarrassing is the fact that some of us prefer that we don't share. With an attitude of, "I know what's mine... those people and their government should figure it out for themselves." I know longer can claim the ignorance that once might have allowed those thoughts to be acceptable.

We made one stop to view the home of an Ethiopian family. A small hut, which many of us have one room in our home that would surpass this entire dwelling in size. Children came from no where. Appearing and looking for food and candy, stickers, anything we might offer. I quickly realized that survival of the fittest was at work, and I looked for the young or the more needy to try to get something directly to them. Any one of these children could have been me or my own children, had we not been born into such blessing and abundance. Human life is an amazing thing!

In Hosanna we did meet Tamene's birth mother. I will tell you that there are no words to accurately describe this encounter. And only those who were there and who witnessed this can ever understand. The fragility and resiliency of human life meet and you are there as a witness and only the experience itself can resonate to make its own sound and create its own meaning.

We were the last of nine families called to meet Tamene's birth mother. In the room, three chairs, one for each Trent and I and her. Two interpreters one for her language one for ours and the two interpreters to share a common language to pass the words that would be spoken.

It was quickly evident that my attempt to prepare for culture and this meeting was not accounted for in the questions we would ask. The many hours spent preparing would be set aside to settle into the moment and collect what we could. My brain, my thinking brain, taking snapshot after snapshot of this beautiful woman. Each expression, each move, a new imprint to store forever, for Tamene.

I would say it is clear that Worqenesh (Tamene's birth mother) had a plan for this child, a plan that was inspired by God. Worqenesh means "precious gold" not as in gold the metal, but gold the quality of being a precious gift. We told her she was indeed precious gold to us. She named Tamene for she knew there was a way for him, a plan. His name, to her, meaning "believed" as she believed there was a way for him.

In addition to other information, we exchanged information about our religion and asked her about the holidays she would like Tamene to celebrate. She is Christian and would like Tamene to celebrate the Ethiopian Easter, Ethiopian Christmas and Meskal (the celebration of the finding of the cross Jesus was crucified on).

She continued saying that it was important for Tamene to know God and to know Jesus. But that it is not enough for him just to know, he must teach others. Regardless of any one's beliefs or even the future beliefs of my children, one can understand the importance of this statement to this woman. She wanted good things for him, and education and a family that loved him as their own... but she wanted him to do good for the world and to teach others about good. Again, there are no words that can explain the surge that exploded in my body as I heard these words translated to us. I could not possibly be worthy to carry out this request.

There is so much more to say about this meting. So much more that I experienced and felt, and remember, and have as vivid images in my mind. I can tell you he has his mothers eyes, in the most amazing way. I will never forget her. Her eyes, her skin, her hair, and the way we held each other and did not want to let go, not for our own needs but for the wishes of this little soul that we both have the honor and privilege of sharing in.

She asked that in our home we call her Adda. This means mommy in Tamene's first language that he shared with his mother.

I love you Adda, thank you for allowing us the honor of being part of this special life!

Rain Rain... go away.

A quick update on Tamene. More to come on the trip, maybe tomorrow I will have time.

Tamene is adjusting well. He has been "trained" very well by the nannies how to get his way. He knows when to be cute and when to throw a tantrum. When I say cute, I mean cute. He flips a switch and goes from whatever to a big pucker for a kiss or arms wide for the tightest hug he can offer. And when I say tantrum, we are talking classic, on the floor rolling from side to side. You can even catch him checking to make sure he has your attention before creating a bigger scene if needed.

He appears to be a bit of a planner (awe, momma's boy). He seems to decide an action in his head before he carries it out. What makes that interesting is he goes from general play to mischievous in under 2 seconds. He dismantles the vents and inserts random items. I have had to retrieve a calculator, pencil, and measuring tape. There was a super ball that just didn't make it, I suspect it rests near a filter somewhere in the silver pipe it calls heaven.

Tamene is adjusting to Luna (our small dog), but met Meadow (our large dog) for the first time today. His reaction to both was similar to start. He things they are pretty cool as long as they are more than mom's arms distance away. Any closer than that and Tamene turns into a screaming cling-on. Or at least that was true when he first met Luna. As of tonight, Meadow is a monster in his mind, but he did decide to kiss Luna, so I felt that was excellent progress.

We went to the doctor today. For fear of being judged now, or by Tamene in the future, I won't tell you the details, but considering the circumstances he is "healthy". We have lots of follow up to watch his growth and ensure he has all the immunities we would expect. Consider the appointment "good news" on all accounts.

Siblingdom... this is going well too. Angelisa is a great helper as expected and she is also a great teacher. She worked hard tonight to get Tamene to accept Meadow. She understood that it might be too soon, but she didn't give up. Naven is doing well too. He really is in love with Tamene. He wants so badly for Tamene to just curl up next to him and be a baby brother. Tonight Naven wanted Tamene to sleep by him. Now mind you, Naven has an auto cry switch that can be turned on by telling him it is time to go to bed... but he thought Tamene should just climb right into bed with him, curl up and go to sleep. His heart was broken when it didn't happen that way. Tamene also has an auto cry switch related to any movement towards sleeping or resting time. So quite the pair they are!

Mommy and Daddy are doing well too. I won't speak for Trent but in my opinion he is doing well, recovering from jet lag and taking charge wherever he can or I don't. Our team skills are not lacking. I am recovering from a very bad cold and have horrible outbreak of cold sores. I look a bit like I have been in the boxing ring. I can't say I am as resilient in the jet lag area as Jamie and Trent have been, but I am coming along. It's been rainy today and that doesn't help at all. It doesn't help my jet lag and it sure doesn't help Tamene wear off any extra energy!

Tamene turns 3 in just a few days... it really was never the terrible twos for any parent, was it? It's the independent threes that will get you. I have a few more days to get rested before we start that chapter!

Home Alone

Day one, home alone with Tamene. Only a couple hours into it, but he is napping so I thought I would share a few thoughts.

He and I still don't have a grip on the sleep schedule. He was up at some odd hour, not even sure... 2 or 3 am. He did go to bed around 7. We went to the store and he fell asleep on the way home. We knew the right thing was to wake him back up for an hour or so, but we were too tired I told Trent I would rather let him sleep then and suffer the consequences of an early rise.

This morning when Trent got up with Angelisa and Naven, I laid back down for a little more rest while he watch Tamene and then a couple hours later laid Tamene down and rested again. I have a horrible head cold/respiratory cold of some kind and it's difficult to sleep well. I also have a cold sore that popped up this morning, so I feel kind of miserable.

If there are any fellow adopters out there still reading this blog, I have a recommendation for you about returning from travel. Have your mother make chicken soup. It's the only thing I have wanted to eat since arriving home. (All the cravings were covered in the DC airport). It has to be the soup your mom makes. So you might even need your mother and mother-in-law to make a batch so each of you has exactly what you need. My mom made a huge pot and I am currently eating the last bowl. Not sure what I will eat now.

So Tamene and I went to the bus stop to see Trent and the kids off for the day. We want him to see that we leave, and then come home. Everyone comes back. The crisis, of course, was that he wanted to ride on the bus. He cried... and cried. But he did stop once we were back in the house. I can't wait to see how excited he is when the kids come home.

The trip to Ethiopia was very emotional and I hesitate to try to put it into words, there are no words that can do it justice. It was amazing. I thought I might start with a few comments about the plane ride home, just to test the waters for my soul.

Jamie held Tamene as we flew from Addis to Rome. Trent and I slept, or passed out... something like that. I believe we were all pretty awake from Rome to DC. We each spent time walking with Tamene, or playing, or helping him to stop crying. He did well considering all the circumstances. I think Jamie changed most of the diapers and Trent and I did most of the walking with him. Though Jamie had to stand for long periods of time trying to get him to sleep.

At one point during the flight an Ethiopian man approached Jamie and the crying/tantruming Tamene. He took Tamene from her. This seemed very common, that if a child was upset or the parent seemed to have trouble, someone would just come to assist. We found this throughout our trip. Many of the Ethiopian men or women would come to hold Tamene or distract him, in any way they could help. This is so different from America, don't most of us roll our eyes and wonder why the parent can't get their kid to behave? In any case the man calmed him down and then Jamie explained that Trent and I (in the seat behind her) were the parents. He came to us with Tamene now calm. He thanked us for our help to his county and for taking one of their children. He said, "This is a wonderful thing that you do. Thank you."

Here in the States it has been a struggle when people say this is a good thing that we are doing, or how "honorable" it is. Trent and I, for many selfish reasons, wanted to grow our family. We really never considered, in our decision making, that this was about helping someone else. It is true that it is, but here in America, inside the adoption circle, it is a bit frowned upon to take in a child because you want to help or save a child. The best reason (again in the culture of adoption in the US) is often only because of the selfish reason of wanting to parent. I am not going to go into the philosophy of my thoughts on all of this. But let me tell you how humbling it is when you realize that indeed you have done something that makes you look as if a "hero" to another human. This man was clearly moved and appreciative of our actions to help his country and their children. I feel no different myself, I still recognize our reasons for adopting, but feel that there is so much more to this adoption journey than to simply parent a child. I too, have been adopted, by Ethiopia and feel a part of the people.

I recall another adoptive parent explaining her homesick feeling for Ethiopia and wanting to return. Though I am incredibly happy and appreciative to be home, there are pieces of Ethiopia that I miss, and those reasons sometimes make me sad that we took Tamene from such a beautiful and amazing place. I hope to raise him to love America and Ethiopia for all the great qualities both countries have to offer. The day before we were to leave, I did cry in thinking about the fact that we were taking him out of Africa. May our journey continue to be blessed by God, as this is not something I feel I would have the power to do on my own, but only through a divine plan.

Exhaustion: Returning Home

I know many of you are wondering how we are doing, and would like a detailed report. I promise to get to that in the next couple of days. I haven't made any phone calls to even let people know we have arrived home.

We all made it home safely and mostly healthy. Fatigue and jet lag have set in and I am disoriented at times. The grandparents were here to greet us when we arrived home yesterday. I don't recall much of the conversation or even eating dinner (At this moment, I can't even recall if I did eat). It's all a blur.

So either I am just exhausted, or I am starting to get a virus of some kind. I am doing well, but as I mentioned with the jet lag issues, I am never sure if I am tired or fatigued.

It was great to get home and see Naven and Angelisa, I missed them so much. They seem so grown up after being gone from them for so long.

Tamene is adjusting well to the family. He fits right in, he has been eating well and he too seems confused about sleep.

I will write more later, but wanted to let you all know we arrived safely. We appreciate all the well wishes, prayers, and support of our family and friends.

One More Day!

Last night we went out to dinner, with Solomon, this is the brother of a friend of ours from America.
He was so kind to come get us and take us out to eat. Now this story gets funny because the Americans don't completely understand the Ethiopian culture in this story. There is no intention to offend or make fun of Ethiopia, only to make fun of the dumb Americans who had no idea what we were getting into (The person responsible for this shall remain nameless).

So Solomon comes to get us from the guest house in the Toyota Corolla he has rented for the day for 120 birr ($12 US). Everyone here is either transported by bus or by a 1980's Toyota Corolla (this is a generalization of course). Now we have been riding in a bus for the past week, up/higher than the traffic and the people. Now being driven in a Toyota Corolla, we are below eye level with the many, many people who approach us in the worst rush hour traffic you can imagine. Solomon sends them away, but it is difficult for me because many of them know just enough English to say "Please Mister. Hungry. Please Mister. Hungry". It is so sad, some of them are very small children that are looking for food and/or money.

So we arrive at the restaurant after 30+ minutes of stop and go traffic - think whip lash type of stop and go, not your basic traffic. You know the mother panick gasp that women make when their children fall? Trent did this on more than one occasion. Solomon told Trent to relax, "Relax, relax no problem". Trent asked him if he ever hit anyone, "Oh, yes. Not hurt but very angry." Solomon insisted that "God is under control" (this is not a typo).

At the restaurant Solomon asks us if we like meat -at the guest house we have eaten enough carbs to explode the basic intestinal track, so meat sounded excellent. He asked us if we like meat with a little fire or medium fire, he would order a good dish called Kitfo. He literally meant how much fire the Kitfo would be cooked with, not the amount of spice being cooked with. Shortly thereafter we were served two large dishes of ground beef, one cooked with a "little fire", one with "medium fire"... this should be read as one completely raw, and one cooked rare (but I didn't know this until hours after eating and a Google search). Solomon insisted this was fresh and we should eat. He even called our friend in America to have her tell us we should eat Kitfo... In any case, I felt very bad not to eat, so I insisted all of the meat needed "more fire". In Amharic the waiter and Solomon discussed that the Americans do not eat so much, so he shouldn't order too much. Interesting, all the Americans I know can eat a lot, maybe, just maybe it has to do with this being raw meat. (you make the call). In addition to this chaos I managed to spill coffee twice and dump the entire cup over after that. Then we moved to a new table and Tamene managed to dump over more coffee and a glass of water. Take note, we were the only Americans in the place. I am sure we made a great impression.

Anyway, trying so hard not to be rude, I ate a very, very large portion of injera (this is a large flat bread, made with fermented mix). The problem is that my stomach is probably more used to eating under-cooked meat than large portions of fermented bread. I'll spare you the details, but I am still recovering from this cultural faux pas. I expect to be well enough to manage the plane ride without too much trouble. Also, do you know if you eat large doses of Pepto, your tongue turns black? Not kind of black, not a little spot, the whole thing turns black - yuck.

So, it was an experience we will remember. But I do have some great words from Solomon that I would like to leave from Ethiopia with:

"In this part of the earth we are closer to heaven and we touch the sky."

An amazing way to end our journey here in Ethiopia!

Getting close to coming home

Kamille sent this morning:
Today we participated in a Farwell ceremony for the children. So we went back to the care center. We received a card with well wishes for Tamene from the staff. They dressed them all in traditional clothes and after we ate cake and drank soda.

It was sad and a relief to leave there and know that Tamene would not be going back. They took such good care of him. But now we have passed some of the major milestones for this adoption. Just getting back in the US, as the final hurdle.

Thank so much for everyone who sent donations they went to an orphanage and a children's hospital. The need here is so great, everything helps.

So Embassy day. We passed through two security check points (someone, who shall remain nameless, left her iPod in her purse - and it wasn't me) without too much trouble. Then we waited for our names to be called. Frankly, I continue to be confused about days and dates and times. Many days I am quite confident I have been here for months. In any case, we waited at the Embassy for what seemed like many hours, before our name was called and we had a 2 minute interview to get Tamene's Visa. In the "hours" of waiting prior, Tamene was very determined that he was going to be outside running around. There isn't much for grass around here, so we hung out on the cement walk-way. This was clearly not enough space for Tamene. Wait, let me throw something in here - there were rules for the embassy including one about keeping your kids quiet while you are there - Trent and I laughed at that. Back to Tamene: He was extremely upset that he could not just run around and play. So he proceeded to make a crying noise, even though he was not crying. We tried to distract him with many toys - Car, magnadoodle, tractor, lotion, Pez, etc... but this resultied in more crying and frustration on his part - just just wanted to be out and have space. So the afternoon, drug on, until all the families were finally done and we could leave. Guess who passed out in my arms on the way back to the Guest House?

Tamene LOVES the bus. We are transported everywhere by bus, and the bus parks right outside the front door of the guest house. So, either Tamene is on the bus, or crying that he wants to be on the bus. We are outside a lot. Good thing the weather has been nice. We are outside nearly all day. He did fall asleep in my arms outside in the swing again last night.

maybe more blogging later, have to head out for a tour of the city (Solomon is taking us!)