I am not sure if this post requires a Kleenex warning or not. I can tell you, I have finished off a box of Kleenex and moved on to a roll of toilet paper.
Our adoption journey has a parallel story or maybe a predecessory journey that has helped me prepare for our Adoption Journey in the most amazing and, well... serendipitous way.
"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for." - Lawrence Block
As the story goes, I wanted a baby. It was last November when it all started. We had just begun considering the adoption process, and we didn't have any idea how long it would all take. But my maternal instincts were so strong. I was desperately in need of a baby.
Only weeks, maybe days, after Trent and I first discussed adoption, we were approaching Christmas and my mom talked about how her friend had some puppies that would make great Christmas gifts. The idea was for other people, not for me. My mom hadn't intended for me to take this suggestion personally. But before we ended our phone conversation, I wanted a puppy.
I wanted a puppy, the puppy should be little and cute, and should be mine. I didn't know how instrumental she would be in distracting me from the wait in our adoption.
In just a day or two, my mom managed to get me pictures of this little puppy, a girl, (so tiny) that would be mine. I immediately drew the conclusion that as difficult as the wait would be for a puppy, whose picture I held in my hand; how much more difficult would the wait be for a child when I held that picture in my hand.
I printed out the pictures and carried them with me and decided on a name. Before we knew Tamene we called him Baby Kashi... I thought to name the puppy Kashi, but the name had been assigned it's purpose and she would need another. I stuck with the food pattern and she would be named Luna. (Kashi bars and Luna bars, my favorite standby food for triathlons, trips to Africa, and your basic "make it through the morning snack").
Luna's picture in hand, I waited for her to arrive. The wait seemed long and I was so excited. I frequently noted my excitement and wondered how I would ever make it through the wait for a child if I was barely making it through the wait for this bundle of puppy.
At last she arrived. And she loved me. She followed me and was always near by. She was sneaky and loved to steal things and hide them under a chair or table. Before company would visit I knew to remove the random pieces of papers, toys, socks, underwear and other items she had stolen and moved into hiding. Though I never minded. I loved her and the cuteness was worth the inconvenience.
She really belonged to both Angelisa and I. Only responding to us in our plea to have her come so we might take her out or settle her in for the night. I was proud when she didn't go to other people. She knew she was my dog and she would come to me no matter what.
Last night serendipity set in. We lost Luna, her short life and even shorter time with us had come to an end. She came in to help me through the wait. She prepared me for the experience and then as quickly as she stole my heart it was broken.
In the moment of loss I realized just how this little dog had prepared me for so much. Prepared me for the wait. Knowing what it would be like to look at a picture and to fall in love before meeting. And that the bond could be immediate and binding with only one glance.
She prepared me for the tornado that can come in a small package. She always created more drama and had more needs than the big dog, Meadow, and some days even more than the children combined.
She was cautious, she looked to me to make it ok, she always stayed near by, I never wondered where she was, always with me, sometimes so near I couldn't see her.
I loved this little dog. I loved her, and I was proud of her. Proud that she was cute and wild, but most of all that she loved me. Sassy, she was so sassy. She knew how to get attention. Every morning she would come to me for petting and love before she could do anything else, so adorable. Most mornings I would stop everything to hold her for several minutes or until Trent asked if I planned to go to work.
Tamene was afraid of her at first, but they interacted. She was somehow different now that he had arrived. A little grown up and a little more demanding. It seemed that there would be either a battle of the hierarchy or a passing of the torch. Just the night before Tamene and Luna had called a truce and he kissed her... from fear of her to kissing her in just days. And that was it. It seemed she approved and there wouldn't be a battle of the hierarchy, just acceptance, and later we would see a passing of the torch.
We have lost our little Luna, the 6 pound puppy who could create a tornado or take down the big dog as needed, make Trent fall in love with her (the little rat that she was)... and overcome her own fears to allow another human to find a moment of peace and accomplishment in allowing them to pet her.
So much of this seems to prepare us for our 3 year old tornado, who seems to come to me for comfort. Tamene, awaking this morning as I type, coming for his love, and ensuring he got his hug and planted a big kiss on Mommy.
I loved Luna. Loved. I just wanted a puppy, I just wanted to be a mommy. I couldn't bear the wait to Tamene alone. I needed a partner, though not often silent in voice, always right there to comfort my anxiety or fears or bring a smile in the times of worry and impatience. She was sent as a gift with a purpose. She offered more than I ever could have asked or dreamed and then she was gone. As timely as she arrived, she left. Not without making her parting peace with the little boy who stole my heart from her.
Tamene leans to kiss her on the nose, as afraid as he was of the little dog, a kiss. I witnessed the kiss and I did know everything would be ok. I wish she didn't have to leave us, I wish she could have stayed, but as an angel comes to comfort and then leaves you when you are strong, so did little Luna.
Goodnight Moon.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Honoring Adda
I have edited this several times since posting... I just can't get the words right... but I have received feedback that Kleenex may be required during the reading of this post.
Our trip to Hosanna. Many of you have asked about this. The purpose of the trip was to meet Tamene's birth mother. The information and content of the meeting is very private, and mostly there are not words to describe what we encountered. I want to offer some thoughts that are appropriate to share with our friends and family as well as an overview here in the blog for our children to have a basic understanding of the content of this meeting.
The details of Tamene's life before he came to be with us are private and belong only to him. We are the keepers of this information until he is ready to accept it. And we will honor the privacy that is due him and his life before we knew him.
Our trip to Hosanna started very early in the morning. The nannies came to the guest house to care for the children for the day while we were traveling (this is not normal procedure, but due to the holidays there were many changes and exceptions in our schedule). It was hard to leave Tamene knowing where I was going and that I would see his birth mother.
The trip to Hosanna took about three and a half hours by bus. The first thirty to forty-five minutes we were still leaving the city, Addis. After that it was all country side. Beautiful mountains and amazing plant life. Considering the severe drought affecting this area, it is so green and beautiful. I have traveled in the states before, seen the leaves changing color on the east cost, and not been so impressed. We live in a beautiful place in the Midwest. We get to see the leave change color, and watch the sun rise over our own mini-oceans. We swim in clean and beautiful rivers. We know the hot summers and enjoy the opportunity to experience snow at Christmas. We complain at times, but deep down we live here because we love it, there is something that draws us here. We don't have mountains, but we do have rolling hills, we don't have deserts, but we play in the sand dunes. I wasn't prepared for the sights I was about to experience.
In Ethiopia, the sky is beautiful and the light reflects off the land differently than here at home. With the altitude, you see the foliage in a shade of green that we do not experience here. It is deep and intense and provides more beauty than even our green spring. Or, that is what the eyes of my eyes saw.
The conflicting story. The bigger surprise that was in store for me was the state of the people that was initially masked by the beauty of the land. So many people, walking, walking. So many children working and seemingly young and alone, with no sign of a caretaker for protection. I can only comment from my Western eyes what this must be like for the people, how difficult life must be, but only compared to the ease and abundance we know in the United States. For them it may be different, many of them appear quite happy. I wonder if they wake to see the sun rise and note its beauty the same as I, half a world a way. I have to assume these people do not long for Nintendo, microwaves and baseball. They seek out the true and basic needs in life: food, shelter, clothing, and I must add spirituality. The children smile and many of the people wave to us and shout out any American words they may have learned. Only they know their state of happiness and content, it is not for me to guess or assume.
I thought that the US media had to drive hundreds of miles, through difficult terrain and search far and wide for these people who live in mud huts and have little or no food. People without shoes and who gather together in large communities to survive. No, it is the way of life. There it is, ever present and as far as the eye can see. I can't say "just like on TV" because it is not. The experience of the presence of these people and this state cannot be covered accurately by any journalist and most certainly not by me. Again, I can only assume through my Western eyes that these people, provided food, shelter, clothing and freedom of religion, are not only happy, but very proud of the lives they live. It is only my eyes that can judge and "feel sorry".
Our visit seemed intrusive in many ways. I longed to take a picture of the man whose feet clearly told a story of his life. But he seemed so proud and it seemed wrong for me to take his pride to turn it into my souvenir. There were many moments like this. Many times I wanted to capture a picture, but that there was no way the picture would do justice to the moment that was frozen. It is not about a moment... it is about a culture, a life time, a story.
Prior to leaving for Ethiopia many adoptive parents shared concerns of what to eat, where to go to the bathroom and how to avoid getting ill. After seeing this country, those thoughts are embarrassing. I am embarrassed that I don't know better about our world and the planet that we humans share. Even more embarrassing is the fact that some of us prefer that we don't share. With an attitude of, "I know what's mine... those people and their government should figure it out for themselves." I know longer can claim the ignorance that once might have allowed those thoughts to be acceptable.
We made one stop to view the home of an Ethiopian family. A small hut, which many of us have one room in our home that would surpass this entire dwelling in size. Children came from no where. Appearing and looking for food and candy, stickers, anything we might offer. I quickly realized that survival of the fittest was at work, and I looked for the young or the more needy to try to get something directly to them. Any one of these children could have been me or my own children, had we not been born into such blessing and abundance. Human life is an amazing thing!
In Hosanna we did meet Tamene's birth mother. I will tell you that there are no words to accurately describe this encounter. And only those who were there and who witnessed this can ever understand. The fragility and resiliency of human life meet and you are there as a witness and only the experience itself can resonate to make its own sound and create its own meaning.
We were the last of nine families called to meet Tamene's birth mother. In the room, three chairs, one for each Trent and I and her. Two interpreters one for her language one for ours and the two interpreters to share a common language to pass the words that would be spoken.
It was quickly evident that my attempt to prepare for culture and this meeting was not accounted for in the questions we would ask. The many hours spent preparing would be set aside to settle into the moment and collect what we could. My brain, my thinking brain, taking snapshot after snapshot of this beautiful woman. Each expression, each move, a new imprint to store forever, for Tamene.
I would say it is clear that Worqenesh (Tamene's birth mother) had a plan for this child, a plan that was inspired by God. Worqenesh means "precious gold" not as in gold the metal, but gold the quality of being a precious gift. We told her she was indeed precious gold to us. She named Tamene for she knew there was a way for him, a plan. His name, to her, meaning "believed" as she believed there was a way for him.
In addition to other information, we exchanged information about our religion and asked her about the holidays she would like Tamene to celebrate. She is Christian and would like Tamene to celebrate the Ethiopian Easter, Ethiopian Christmas and Meskal (the celebration of the finding of the cross Jesus was crucified on).
She continued saying that it was important for Tamene to know God and to know Jesus. But that it is not enough for him just to know, he must teach others. Regardless of any one's beliefs or even the future beliefs of my children, one can understand the importance of this statement to this woman. She wanted good things for him, and education and a family that loved him as their own... but she wanted him to do good for the world and to teach others about good. Again, there are no words that can explain the surge that exploded in my body as I heard these words translated to us. I could not possibly be worthy to carry out this request.
There is so much more to say about this meting. So much more that I experienced and felt, and remember, and have as vivid images in my mind. I can tell you he has his mothers eyes, in the most amazing way. I will never forget her. Her eyes, her skin, her hair, and the way we held each other and did not want to let go, not for our own needs but for the wishes of this little soul that we both have the honor and privilege of sharing in.
She asked that in our home we call her Adda. This means mommy in Tamene's first language that he shared with his mother.
I love you Adda, thank you for allowing us the honor of being part of this special life!
Our trip to Hosanna. Many of you have asked about this. The purpose of the trip was to meet Tamene's birth mother. The information and content of the meeting is very private, and mostly there are not words to describe what we encountered. I want to offer some thoughts that are appropriate to share with our friends and family as well as an overview here in the blog for our children to have a basic understanding of the content of this meeting.
The details of Tamene's life before he came to be with us are private and belong only to him. We are the keepers of this information until he is ready to accept it. And we will honor the privacy that is due him and his life before we knew him.
Our trip to Hosanna started very early in the morning. The nannies came to the guest house to care for the children for the day while we were traveling (this is not normal procedure, but due to the holidays there were many changes and exceptions in our schedule). It was hard to leave Tamene knowing where I was going and that I would see his birth mother.
The trip to Hosanna took about three and a half hours by bus. The first thirty to forty-five minutes we were still leaving the city, Addis. After that it was all country side. Beautiful mountains and amazing plant life. Considering the severe drought affecting this area, it is so green and beautiful. I have traveled in the states before, seen the leaves changing color on the east cost, and not been so impressed. We live in a beautiful place in the Midwest. We get to see the leave change color, and watch the sun rise over our own mini-oceans. We swim in clean and beautiful rivers. We know the hot summers and enjoy the opportunity to experience snow at Christmas. We complain at times, but deep down we live here because we love it, there is something that draws us here. We don't have mountains, but we do have rolling hills, we don't have deserts, but we play in the sand dunes. I wasn't prepared for the sights I was about to experience.
In Ethiopia, the sky is beautiful and the light reflects off the land differently than here at home. With the altitude, you see the foliage in a shade of green that we do not experience here. It is deep and intense and provides more beauty than even our green spring. Or, that is what the eyes of my eyes saw.
The conflicting story. The bigger surprise that was in store for me was the state of the people that was initially masked by the beauty of the land. So many people, walking, walking. So many children working and seemingly young and alone, with no sign of a caretaker for protection. I can only comment from my Western eyes what this must be like for the people, how difficult life must be, but only compared to the ease and abundance we know in the United States. For them it may be different, many of them appear quite happy. I wonder if they wake to see the sun rise and note its beauty the same as I, half a world a way. I have to assume these people do not long for Nintendo, microwaves and baseball. They seek out the true and basic needs in life: food, shelter, clothing, and I must add spirituality. The children smile and many of the people wave to us and shout out any American words they may have learned. Only they know their state of happiness and content, it is not for me to guess or assume.
I thought that the US media had to drive hundreds of miles, through difficult terrain and search far and wide for these people who live in mud huts and have little or no food. People without shoes and who gather together in large communities to survive. No, it is the way of life. There it is, ever present and as far as the eye can see. I can't say "just like on TV" because it is not. The experience of the presence of these people and this state cannot be covered accurately by any journalist and most certainly not by me. Again, I can only assume through my Western eyes that these people, provided food, shelter, clothing and freedom of religion, are not only happy, but very proud of the lives they live. It is only my eyes that can judge and "feel sorry".
Our visit seemed intrusive in many ways. I longed to take a picture of the man whose feet clearly told a story of his life. But he seemed so proud and it seemed wrong for me to take his pride to turn it into my souvenir. There were many moments like this. Many times I wanted to capture a picture, but that there was no way the picture would do justice to the moment that was frozen. It is not about a moment... it is about a culture, a life time, a story.
Prior to leaving for Ethiopia many adoptive parents shared concerns of what to eat, where to go to the bathroom and how to avoid getting ill. After seeing this country, those thoughts are embarrassing. I am embarrassed that I don't know better about our world and the planet that we humans share. Even more embarrassing is the fact that some of us prefer that we don't share. With an attitude of, "I know what's mine... those people and their government should figure it out for themselves." I know longer can claim the ignorance that once might have allowed those thoughts to be acceptable.
We made one stop to view the home of an Ethiopian family. A small hut, which many of us have one room in our home that would surpass this entire dwelling in size. Children came from no where. Appearing and looking for food and candy, stickers, anything we might offer. I quickly realized that survival of the fittest was at work, and I looked for the young or the more needy to try to get something directly to them. Any one of these children could have been me or my own children, had we not been born into such blessing and abundance. Human life is an amazing thing!
In Hosanna we did meet Tamene's birth mother. I will tell you that there are no words to accurately describe this encounter. And only those who were there and who witnessed this can ever understand. The fragility and resiliency of human life meet and you are there as a witness and only the experience itself can resonate to make its own sound and create its own meaning.
We were the last of nine families called to meet Tamene's birth mother. In the room, three chairs, one for each Trent and I and her. Two interpreters one for her language one for ours and the two interpreters to share a common language to pass the words that would be spoken.
It was quickly evident that my attempt to prepare for culture and this meeting was not accounted for in the questions we would ask. The many hours spent preparing would be set aside to settle into the moment and collect what we could. My brain, my thinking brain, taking snapshot after snapshot of this beautiful woman. Each expression, each move, a new imprint to store forever, for Tamene.
I would say it is clear that Worqenesh (Tamene's birth mother) had a plan for this child, a plan that was inspired by God. Worqenesh means "precious gold" not as in gold the metal, but gold the quality of being a precious gift. We told her she was indeed precious gold to us. She named Tamene for she knew there was a way for him, a plan. His name, to her, meaning "believed" as she believed there was a way for him.
In addition to other information, we exchanged information about our religion and asked her about the holidays she would like Tamene to celebrate. She is Christian and would like Tamene to celebrate the Ethiopian Easter, Ethiopian Christmas and Meskal (the celebration of the finding of the cross Jesus was crucified on).
She continued saying that it was important for Tamene to know God and to know Jesus. But that it is not enough for him just to know, he must teach others. Regardless of any one's beliefs or even the future beliefs of my children, one can understand the importance of this statement to this woman. She wanted good things for him, and education and a family that loved him as their own... but she wanted him to do good for the world and to teach others about good. Again, there are no words that can explain the surge that exploded in my body as I heard these words translated to us. I could not possibly be worthy to carry out this request.
There is so much more to say about this meting. So much more that I experienced and felt, and remember, and have as vivid images in my mind. I can tell you he has his mothers eyes, in the most amazing way. I will never forget her. Her eyes, her skin, her hair, and the way we held each other and did not want to let go, not for our own needs but for the wishes of this little soul that we both have the honor and privilege of sharing in.
She asked that in our home we call her Adda. This means mommy in Tamene's first language that he shared with his mother.
I love you Adda, thank you for allowing us the honor of being part of this special life!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Rain Rain... go away.
A quick update on Tamene. More to come on the trip, maybe tomorrow I will have time.
Tamene is adjusting well. He has been "trained" very well by the nannies how to get his way. He knows when to be cute and when to throw a tantrum. When I say cute, I mean cute. He flips a switch and goes from whatever to a big pucker for a kiss or arms wide for the tightest hug he can offer. And when I say tantrum, we are talking classic, on the floor rolling from side to side. You can even catch him checking to make sure he has your attention before creating a bigger scene if needed.
He appears to be a bit of a planner (awe, momma's boy). He seems to decide an action in his head before he carries it out. What makes that interesting is he goes from general play to mischievous in under 2 seconds. He dismantles the vents and inserts random items. I have had to retrieve a calculator, pencil, and measuring tape. There was a super ball that just didn't make it, I suspect it rests near a filter somewhere in the silver pipe it calls heaven.
Tamene is adjusting to Luna (our small dog), but met Meadow (our large dog) for the first time today. His reaction to both was similar to start. He things they are pretty cool as long as they are more than mom's arms distance away. Any closer than that and Tamene turns into a screaming cling-on. Or at least that was true when he first met Luna. As of tonight, Meadow is a monster in his mind, but he did decide to kiss Luna, so I felt that was excellent progress.
We went to the doctor today. For fear of being judged now, or by Tamene in the future, I won't tell you the details, but considering the circumstances he is "healthy". We have lots of follow up to watch his growth and ensure he has all the immunities we would expect. Consider the appointment "good news" on all accounts.
Siblingdom... this is going well too. Angelisa is a great helper as expected and she is also a great teacher. She worked hard tonight to get Tamene to accept Meadow. She understood that it might be too soon, but she didn't give up. Naven is doing well too. He really is in love with Tamene. He wants so badly for Tamene to just curl up next to him and be a baby brother. Tonight Naven wanted Tamene to sleep by him. Now mind you, Naven has an auto cry switch that can be turned on by telling him it is time to go to bed... but he thought Tamene should just climb right into bed with him, curl up and go to sleep. His heart was broken when it didn't happen that way. Tamene also has an auto cry switch related to any movement towards sleeping or resting time. So quite the pair they are!
Mommy and Daddy are doing well too. I won't speak for Trent but in my opinion he is doing well, recovering from jet lag and taking charge wherever he can or I don't. Our team skills are not lacking. I am recovering from a very bad cold and have horrible outbreak of cold sores. I look a bit like I have been in the boxing ring. I can't say I am as resilient in the jet lag area as Jamie and Trent have been, but I am coming along. It's been rainy today and that doesn't help at all. It doesn't help my jet lag and it sure doesn't help Tamene wear off any extra energy!
Tamene turns 3 in just a few days... it really was never the terrible twos for any parent, was it? It's the independent threes that will get you. I have a few more days to get rested before we start that chapter!
Tamene is adjusting well. He has been "trained" very well by the nannies how to get his way. He knows when to be cute and when to throw a tantrum. When I say cute, I mean cute. He flips a switch and goes from whatever to a big pucker for a kiss or arms wide for the tightest hug he can offer. And when I say tantrum, we are talking classic, on the floor rolling from side to side. You can even catch him checking to make sure he has your attention before creating a bigger scene if needed.
He appears to be a bit of a planner (awe, momma's boy). He seems to decide an action in his head before he carries it out. What makes that interesting is he goes from general play to mischievous in under 2 seconds. He dismantles the vents and inserts random items. I have had to retrieve a calculator, pencil, and measuring tape. There was a super ball that just didn't make it, I suspect it rests near a filter somewhere in the silver pipe it calls heaven.
Tamene is adjusting to Luna (our small dog), but met Meadow (our large dog) for the first time today. His reaction to both was similar to start. He things they are pretty cool as long as they are more than mom's arms distance away. Any closer than that and Tamene turns into a screaming cling-on. Or at least that was true when he first met Luna. As of tonight, Meadow is a monster in his mind, but he did decide to kiss Luna, so I felt that was excellent progress.
We went to the doctor today. For fear of being judged now, or by Tamene in the future, I won't tell you the details, but considering the circumstances he is "healthy". We have lots of follow up to watch his growth and ensure he has all the immunities we would expect. Consider the appointment "good news" on all accounts.
Siblingdom... this is going well too. Angelisa is a great helper as expected and she is also a great teacher. She worked hard tonight to get Tamene to accept Meadow. She understood that it might be too soon, but she didn't give up. Naven is doing well too. He really is in love with Tamene. He wants so badly for Tamene to just curl up next to him and be a baby brother. Tonight Naven wanted Tamene to sleep by him. Now mind you, Naven has an auto cry switch that can be turned on by telling him it is time to go to bed... but he thought Tamene should just climb right into bed with him, curl up and go to sleep. His heart was broken when it didn't happen that way. Tamene also has an auto cry switch related to any movement towards sleeping or resting time. So quite the pair they are!
Mommy and Daddy are doing well too. I won't speak for Trent but in my opinion he is doing well, recovering from jet lag and taking charge wherever he can or I don't. Our team skills are not lacking. I am recovering from a very bad cold and have horrible outbreak of cold sores. I look a bit like I have been in the boxing ring. I can't say I am as resilient in the jet lag area as Jamie and Trent have been, but I am coming along. It's been rainy today and that doesn't help at all. It doesn't help my jet lag and it sure doesn't help Tamene wear off any extra energy!
Tamene turns 3 in just a few days... it really was never the terrible twos for any parent, was it? It's the independent threes that will get you. I have a few more days to get rested before we start that chapter!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Home Alone
Day one, home alone with Tamene. Only a couple hours into it, but he is napping so I thought I would share a few thoughts.
He and I still don't have a grip on the sleep schedule. He was up at some odd hour, not even sure... 2 or 3 am. He did go to bed around 7. We went to the store and he fell asleep on the way home. We knew the right thing was to wake him back up for an hour or so, but we were too tired I told Trent I would rather let him sleep then and suffer the consequences of an early rise.
This morning when Trent got up with Angelisa and Naven, I laid back down for a little more rest while he watch Tamene and then a couple hours later laid Tamene down and rested again. I have a horrible head cold/respiratory cold of some kind and it's difficult to sleep well. I also have a cold sore that popped up this morning, so I feel kind of miserable.
If there are any fellow adopters out there still reading this blog, I have a recommendation for you about returning from travel. Have your mother make chicken soup. It's the only thing I have wanted to eat since arriving home. (All the cravings were covered in the DC airport). It has to be the soup your mom makes. So you might even need your mother and mother-in-law to make a batch so each of you has exactly what you need. My mom made a huge pot and I am currently eating the last bowl. Not sure what I will eat now.
So Tamene and I went to the bus stop to see Trent and the kids off for the day. We want him to see that we leave, and then come home. Everyone comes back. The crisis, of course, was that he wanted to ride on the bus. He cried... and cried. But he did stop once we were back in the house. I can't wait to see how excited he is when the kids come home.
The trip to Ethiopia was very emotional and I hesitate to try to put it into words, there are no words that can do it justice. It was amazing. I thought I might start with a few comments about the plane ride home, just to test the waters for my soul.
Jamie held Tamene as we flew from Addis to Rome. Trent and I slept, or passed out... something like that. I believe we were all pretty awake from Rome to DC. We each spent time walking with Tamene, or playing, or helping him to stop crying. He did well considering all the circumstances. I think Jamie changed most of the diapers and Trent and I did most of the walking with him. Though Jamie had to stand for long periods of time trying to get him to sleep.
At one point during the flight an Ethiopian man approached Jamie and the crying/tantruming Tamene. He took Tamene from her. This seemed very common, that if a child was upset or the parent seemed to have trouble, someone would just come to assist. We found this throughout our trip. Many of the Ethiopian men or women would come to hold Tamene or distract him, in any way they could help. This is so different from America, don't most of us roll our eyes and wonder why the parent can't get their kid to behave? In any case the man calmed him down and then Jamie explained that Trent and I (in the seat behind her) were the parents. He came to us with Tamene now calm. He thanked us for our help to his county and for taking one of their children. He said, "This is a wonderful thing that you do. Thank you."
Here in the States it has been a struggle when people say this is a good thing that we are doing, or how "honorable" it is. Trent and I, for many selfish reasons, wanted to grow our family. We really never considered, in our decision making, that this was about helping someone else. It is true that it is, but here in America, inside the adoption circle, it is a bit frowned upon to take in a child because you want to help or save a child. The best reason (again in the culture of adoption in the US) is often only because of the selfish reason of wanting to parent. I am not going to go into the philosophy of my thoughts on all of this. But let me tell you how humbling it is when you realize that indeed you have done something that makes you look as if a "hero" to another human. This man was clearly moved and appreciative of our actions to help his country and their children. I feel no different myself, I still recognize our reasons for adopting, but feel that there is so much more to this adoption journey than to simply parent a child. I too, have been adopted, by Ethiopia and feel a part of the people.
I recall another adoptive parent explaining her homesick feeling for Ethiopia and wanting to return. Though I am incredibly happy and appreciative to be home, there are pieces of Ethiopia that I miss, and those reasons sometimes make me sad that we took Tamene from such a beautiful and amazing place. I hope to raise him to love America and Ethiopia for all the great qualities both countries have to offer. The day before we were to leave, I did cry in thinking about the fact that we were taking him out of Africa. May our journey continue to be blessed by God, as this is not something I feel I would have the power to do on my own, but only through a divine plan.
He and I still don't have a grip on the sleep schedule. He was up at some odd hour, not even sure... 2 or 3 am. He did go to bed around 7. We went to the store and he fell asleep on the way home. We knew the right thing was to wake him back up for an hour or so, but we were too tired I told Trent I would rather let him sleep then and suffer the consequences of an early rise.
This morning when Trent got up with Angelisa and Naven, I laid back down for a little more rest while he watch Tamene and then a couple hours later laid Tamene down and rested again. I have a horrible head cold/respiratory cold of some kind and it's difficult to sleep well. I also have a cold sore that popped up this morning, so I feel kind of miserable.
If there are any fellow adopters out there still reading this blog, I have a recommendation for you about returning from travel. Have your mother make chicken soup. It's the only thing I have wanted to eat since arriving home. (All the cravings were covered in the DC airport). It has to be the soup your mom makes. So you might even need your mother and mother-in-law to make a batch so each of you has exactly what you need. My mom made a huge pot and I am currently eating the last bowl. Not sure what I will eat now.
So Tamene and I went to the bus stop to see Trent and the kids off for the day. We want him to see that we leave, and then come home. Everyone comes back. The crisis, of course, was that he wanted to ride on the bus. He cried... and cried. But he did stop once we were back in the house. I can't wait to see how excited he is when the kids come home.
The trip to Ethiopia was very emotional and I hesitate to try to put it into words, there are no words that can do it justice. It was amazing. I thought I might start with a few comments about the plane ride home, just to test the waters for my soul.
Jamie held Tamene as we flew from Addis to Rome. Trent and I slept, or passed out... something like that. I believe we were all pretty awake from Rome to DC. We each spent time walking with Tamene, or playing, or helping him to stop crying. He did well considering all the circumstances. I think Jamie changed most of the diapers and Trent and I did most of the walking with him. Though Jamie had to stand for long periods of time trying to get him to sleep.
At one point during the flight an Ethiopian man approached Jamie and the crying/tantruming Tamene. He took Tamene from her. This seemed very common, that if a child was upset or the parent seemed to have trouble, someone would just come to assist. We found this throughout our trip. Many of the Ethiopian men or women would come to hold Tamene or distract him, in any way they could help. This is so different from America, don't most of us roll our eyes and wonder why the parent can't get their kid to behave? In any case the man calmed him down and then Jamie explained that Trent and I (in the seat behind her) were the parents. He came to us with Tamene now calm. He thanked us for our help to his county and for taking one of their children. He said, "This is a wonderful thing that you do. Thank you."
Here in the States it has been a struggle when people say this is a good thing that we are doing, or how "honorable" it is. Trent and I, for many selfish reasons, wanted to grow our family. We really never considered, in our decision making, that this was about helping someone else. It is true that it is, but here in America, inside the adoption circle, it is a bit frowned upon to take in a child because you want to help or save a child. The best reason (again in the culture of adoption in the US) is often only because of the selfish reason of wanting to parent. I am not going to go into the philosophy of my thoughts on all of this. But let me tell you how humbling it is when you realize that indeed you have done something that makes you look as if a "hero" to another human. This man was clearly moved and appreciative of our actions to help his country and their children. I feel no different myself, I still recognize our reasons for adopting, but feel that there is so much more to this adoption journey than to simply parent a child. I too, have been adopted, by Ethiopia and feel a part of the people.
I recall another adoptive parent explaining her homesick feeling for Ethiopia and wanting to return. Though I am incredibly happy and appreciative to be home, there are pieces of Ethiopia that I miss, and those reasons sometimes make me sad that we took Tamene from such a beautiful and amazing place. I hope to raise him to love America and Ethiopia for all the great qualities both countries have to offer. The day before we were to leave, I did cry in thinking about the fact that we were taking him out of Africa. May our journey continue to be blessed by God, as this is not something I feel I would have the power to do on my own, but only through a divine plan.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Exhaustion: Returning Home
I know many of you are wondering how we are doing, and would like a detailed report. I promise to get to that in the next couple of days. I haven't made any phone calls to even let people know we have arrived home.
We all made it home safely and mostly healthy. Fatigue and jet lag have set in and I am disoriented at times. The grandparents were here to greet us when we arrived home yesterday. I don't recall much of the conversation or even eating dinner (At this moment, I can't even recall if I did eat). It's all a blur.
So either I am just exhausted, or I am starting to get a virus of some kind. I am doing well, but as I mentioned with the jet lag issues, I am never sure if I am tired or fatigued.
It was great to get home and see Naven and Angelisa, I missed them so much. They seem so grown up after being gone from them for so long.
Tamene is adjusting well to the family. He fits right in, he has been eating well and he too seems confused about sleep.
I will write more later, but wanted to let you all know we arrived safely. We appreciate all the well wishes, prayers, and support of our family and friends.
We all made it home safely and mostly healthy. Fatigue and jet lag have set in and I am disoriented at times. The grandparents were here to greet us when we arrived home yesterday. I don't recall much of the conversation or even eating dinner (At this moment, I can't even recall if I did eat). It's all a blur.
So either I am just exhausted, or I am starting to get a virus of some kind. I am doing well, but as I mentioned with the jet lag issues, I am never sure if I am tired or fatigued.
It was great to get home and see Naven and Angelisa, I missed them so much. They seem so grown up after being gone from them for so long.
Tamene is adjusting well to the family. He fits right in, he has been eating well and he too seems confused about sleep.
I will write more later, but wanted to let you all know we arrived safely. We appreciate all the well wishes, prayers, and support of our family and friends.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
One More Day!
Last night we went out to dinner, with Solomon, this is the brother of a friend of ours from America.
He was so kind to come get us and take us out to eat. Now this story gets funny because the Americans don't completely understand the Ethiopian culture in this story. There is no intention to offend or make fun of Ethiopia, only to make fun of the dumb Americans who had no idea what we were getting into (The person responsible for this shall remain nameless).
So Solomon comes to get us from the guest house in the Toyota Corolla he has rented for the day for 120 birr ($12 US). Everyone here is either transported by bus or by a 1980's Toyota Corolla (this is a generalization of course). Now we have been riding in a bus for the past week, up/higher than the traffic and the people. Now being driven in a Toyota Corolla, we are below eye level with the many, many people who approach us in the worst rush hour traffic you can imagine. Solomon sends them away, but it is difficult for me because many of them know just enough English to say "Please Mister. Hungry. Please Mister. Hungry". It is so sad, some of them are very small children that are looking for food and/or money.
So we arrive at the restaurant after 30+ minutes of stop and go traffic - think whip lash type of stop and go, not your basic traffic. You know the mother panick gasp that women make when their children fall? Trent did this on more than one occasion. Solomon told Trent to relax, "Relax, relax no problem". Trent asked him if he ever hit anyone, "Oh, yes. Not hurt but very angry." Solomon insisted that "God is under control" (this is not a typo).
At the restaurant Solomon asks us if we like meat -at the guest house we have eaten enough carbs to explode the basic intestinal track, so meat sounded excellent. He asked us if we like meat with a little fire or medium fire, he would order a good dish called Kitfo. He literally meant how much fire the Kitfo would be cooked with, not the amount of spice being cooked with. Shortly thereafter we were served two large dishes of ground beef, one cooked with a "little fire", one with "medium fire"... this should be read as one completely raw, and one cooked rare (but I didn't know this until hours after eating and a Google search). Solomon insisted this was fresh and we should eat. He even called our friend in America to have her tell us we should eat Kitfo... In any case, I felt very bad not to eat, so I insisted all of the meat needed "more fire". In Amharic the waiter and Solomon discussed that the Americans do not eat so much, so he shouldn't order too much. Interesting, all the Americans I know can eat a lot, maybe, just maybe it has to do with this being raw meat. (you make the call). In addition to this chaos I managed to spill coffee twice and dump the entire cup over after that. Then we moved to a new table and Tamene managed to dump over more coffee and a glass of water. Take note, we were the only Americans in the place. I am sure we made a great impression.
Anyway, trying so hard not to be rude, I ate a very, very large portion of injera (this is a large flat bread, made with fermented mix). The problem is that my stomach is probably more used to eating under-cooked meat than large portions of fermented bread. I'll spare you the details, but I am still recovering from this cultural faux pas. I expect to be well enough to manage the plane ride without too much trouble. Also, do you know if you eat large doses of Pepto, your tongue turns black? Not kind of black, not a little spot, the whole thing turns black - yuck.
So, it was an experience we will remember. But I do have some great words from Solomon that I would like to leave from Ethiopia with:
"In this part of the earth we are closer to heaven and we touch the sky."
An amazing way to end our journey here in Ethiopia!
He was so kind to come get us and take us out to eat. Now this story gets funny because the Americans don't completely understand the Ethiopian culture in this story. There is no intention to offend or make fun of Ethiopia, only to make fun of the dumb Americans who had no idea what we were getting into (The person responsible for this shall remain nameless).
So Solomon comes to get us from the guest house in the Toyota Corolla he has rented for the day for 120 birr ($12 US). Everyone here is either transported by bus or by a 1980's Toyota Corolla (this is a generalization of course). Now we have been riding in a bus for the past week, up/higher than the traffic and the people. Now being driven in a Toyota Corolla, we are below eye level with the many, many people who approach us in the worst rush hour traffic you can imagine. Solomon sends them away, but it is difficult for me because many of them know just enough English to say "Please Mister. Hungry. Please Mister. Hungry". It is so sad, some of them are very small children that are looking for food and/or money.
So we arrive at the restaurant after 30+ minutes of stop and go traffic - think whip lash type of stop and go, not your basic traffic. You know the mother panick gasp that women make when their children fall? Trent did this on more than one occasion. Solomon told Trent to relax, "Relax, relax no problem". Trent asked him if he ever hit anyone, "Oh, yes. Not hurt but very angry." Solomon insisted that "God is under control" (this is not a typo).
At the restaurant Solomon asks us if we like meat -at the guest house we have eaten enough carbs to explode the basic intestinal track, so meat sounded excellent. He asked us if we like meat with a little fire or medium fire, he would order a good dish called Kitfo. He literally meant how much fire the Kitfo would be cooked with, not the amount of spice being cooked with. Shortly thereafter we were served two large dishes of ground beef, one cooked with a "little fire", one with "medium fire"... this should be read as one completely raw, and one cooked rare (but I didn't know this until hours after eating and a Google search). Solomon insisted this was fresh and we should eat. He even called our friend in America to have her tell us we should eat Kitfo... In any case, I felt very bad not to eat, so I insisted all of the meat needed "more fire". In Amharic the waiter and Solomon discussed that the Americans do not eat so much, so he shouldn't order too much. Interesting, all the Americans I know can eat a lot, maybe, just maybe it has to do with this being raw meat. (you make the call). In addition to this chaos I managed to spill coffee twice and dump the entire cup over after that. Then we moved to a new table and Tamene managed to dump over more coffee and a glass of water. Take note, we were the only Americans in the place. I am sure we made a great impression.
Anyway, trying so hard not to be rude, I ate a very, very large portion of injera (this is a large flat bread, made with fermented mix). The problem is that my stomach is probably more used to eating under-cooked meat than large portions of fermented bread. I'll spare you the details, but I am still recovering from this cultural faux pas. I expect to be well enough to manage the plane ride without too much trouble. Also, do you know if you eat large doses of Pepto, your tongue turns black? Not kind of black, not a little spot, the whole thing turns black - yuck.
So, it was an experience we will remember. But I do have some great words from Solomon that I would like to leave from Ethiopia with:
"In this part of the earth we are closer to heaven and we touch the sky."
An amazing way to end our journey here in Ethiopia!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Getting close to coming home
Kamille sent this morning:
Today we participated in a Farwell ceremony for the children. So we went back to the care center. We received a card with well wishes for Tamene from the staff. They dressed them all in traditional clothes and after we ate cake and drank soda.
It was sad and a relief to leave there and know that Tamene would not be going back. They took such good care of him. But now we have passed some of the major milestones for this adoption. Just getting back in the US, as the final hurdle.
Thank so much for everyone who sent donations they went to an orphanage and a children's hospital. The need here is so great, everything helps.
So Embassy day. We passed through two security check points (someone, who shall remain nameless, left her iPod in her purse - and it wasn't me) without too much trouble. Then we waited for our names to be called. Frankly, I continue to be confused about days and dates and times. Many days I am quite confident I have been here for months. In any case, we waited at the Embassy for what seemed like many hours, before our name was called and we had a 2 minute interview to get Tamene's Visa. In the "hours" of waiting prior, Tamene was very determined that he was going to be outside running around. There isn't much for grass around here, so we hung out on the cement walk-way. This was clearly not enough space for Tamene. Wait, let me throw something in here - there were rules for the embassy including one about keeping your kids quiet while you are there - Trent and I laughed at that. Back to Tamene: He was extremely upset that he could not just run around and play. So he proceeded to make a crying noise, even though he was not crying. We tried to distract him with many toys - Car, magnadoodle, tractor, lotion, Pez, etc... but this resultied in more crying and frustration on his part - just just wanted to be out and have space. So the afternoon, drug on, until all the families were finally done and we could leave. Guess who passed out in my arms on the way back to the Guest House?
Tamene LOVES the bus. We are transported everywhere by bus, and the bus parks right outside the front door of the guest house. So, either Tamene is on the bus, or crying that he wants to be on the bus. We are outside a lot. Good thing the weather has been nice. We are outside nearly all day. He did fall asleep in my arms outside in the swing again last night.
maybe more blogging later, have to head out for a tour of the city (Solomon is taking us!)
Today we participated in a Farwell ceremony for the children. So we went back to the care center. We received a card with well wishes for Tamene from the staff. They dressed them all in traditional clothes and after we ate cake and drank soda.
It was sad and a relief to leave there and know that Tamene would not be going back. They took such good care of him. But now we have passed some of the major milestones for this adoption. Just getting back in the US, as the final hurdle.
Thank so much for everyone who sent donations they went to an orphanage and a children's hospital. The need here is so great, everything helps.
So Embassy day. We passed through two security check points (someone, who shall remain nameless, left her iPod in her purse - and it wasn't me) without too much trouble. Then we waited for our names to be called. Frankly, I continue to be confused about days and dates and times. Many days I am quite confident I have been here for months. In any case, we waited at the Embassy for what seemed like many hours, before our name was called and we had a 2 minute interview to get Tamene's Visa. In the "hours" of waiting prior, Tamene was very determined that he was going to be outside running around. There isn't much for grass around here, so we hung out on the cement walk-way. This was clearly not enough space for Tamene. Wait, let me throw something in here - there were rules for the embassy including one about keeping your kids quiet while you are there - Trent and I laughed at that. Back to Tamene: He was extremely upset that he could not just run around and play. So he proceeded to make a crying noise, even though he was not crying. We tried to distract him with many toys - Car, magnadoodle, tractor, lotion, Pez, etc... but this resultied in more crying and frustration on his part - just just wanted to be out and have space. So the afternoon, drug on, until all the families were finally done and we could leave. Guess who passed out in my arms on the way back to the Guest House?
Tamene LOVES the bus. We are transported everywhere by bus, and the bus parks right outside the front door of the guest house. So, either Tamene is on the bus, or crying that he wants to be on the bus. We are outside a lot. Good thing the weather has been nice. We are outside nearly all day. He did fall asleep in my arms outside in the swing again last night.
maybe more blogging later, have to head out for a tour of the city (Solomon is taking us!)
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