Before I Knew You

Tamene,
I want to write you a letter too, as many others who are waiting for you have. Though I feel as though I know you, here is my "Before I Knew You" letter.

We decided to investigate the adoption process last year. After two years of talking about adding another child to our family, we finally realized it was time. There were a few options for us on how to expand our family. Our first (and best) choice was to grow our family through adoption.

Once we decided we were ready, we began working with an agency and decided that we would like to bring home a child from Ethiopia. There were a lot of meetings and paperwork required. We completed the paperwork as quickly as we possibly could. We wanted to find you and bring you home as quickly as possible. I didn't know who "you" were, but I knew I was moments away from meeting my youngest son, and it couldn't happen fast enough.

After the designated paperwork was completed we were on to "the wait". For most families who wanted to adopt an infant, this wait was 6-9 months. For us, for you... 6 weeks. Six weeks until we saw the first pictures of our beautiful little boy. Daddy knew from the first second he saw you that you were our little boy (Daddy got to see your pictures first!).

Today is four months, one week, and one day since we first saw your picture (and 63 blogs later). I am so incredibly excited to meet you. We have heard that you are doing very well and being cared for by the nannies who love you so much. For me, it is helpful to know that you are well cared for and loved, but I just want to have you here in my arms.

There are many, many, twists, turns and events that happened in our lives and in the life of you and your birth mother that brought us all to this place. We have all experienced sadness and joy. We all believe that we are doing what is best for you and we hope that you will feel the true love that each of us holds for you.

I have learned a lot on this journey, and I am sure I have a lot more to learn still. I hope I never stop learning, or think that I have learned enough. I hope to continue to learn from life, and love and all of my children. This particular journey has opened my eyes to many of my strengths and weaknesses. Some have improved, some have gotten worse, but overall I am a much better person for this experience and the experience of motherhood. I have learned that I have amazing friends and family. The outpouring of support is something I could not have anticipated nor would I expect. Our family has not grown just by one, by adding you little Tamene, but by adding so many new people into our new family. People who were strangers only weeks ago, are now close friends. Close friends have become brothers and sisters, and for you, aunts and uncles. And family has become more meaningful than ever. Many family members who have allowed me to see their soul of support and love for you and our whole family. Tamene, it is you and your spirit who have brought all of this love, before we knew you.

I worry too. I worry about this time where you are being an independent little man, facing the world on your own. I know the nannies love you and take care of you, but I know that you must also care for yourself. I am proud of you for doing such a great job, and I have many stories that I have heard about how things are going even though you are a world away. I know that you are brave, and you are taking care of yourself as well as bringing joy to those who meet you!

I am excited to bring you home, and finally have you here. Many times we call for you with your brother and sister, even though you are not here. "Angelisa, Naven, Tamene! Time to wake up!"."Mom, kiss Tamene when you tuck us in." "Trent, where is Tamene? I thought you were watching him in this store." "Naven and Tamene, time to eat!" We feel as though you are here and part of our family, just that you are away and we will bring you home soon. I look forward to you and your brother and sister bonding and settling in with each other's personalities.

Tamene, I hope that you will always know how many people love you and care for you and how many people want you to have the very best. I hope you always have joy and a desire for knowledge. I hope you become everything that you are to become, and want to become, and more. As I am finding myself and figuring out who I am in life, I hope too that you will find yourself in life and be happy to find the Tamene in you and love him more than anything.

For our whole family I hope for closeness and love and compassion for each other. I hope that you and your brother and sister will find strengths in each other and learn to depend on one another. I wish the world for all of you.

I am waiting for you now and wondering what you will be like. A smart little boy with a big smiles and lots of love and entertainment for everyone. I look forward to having you explore this whole new world and I hope that you will enjoy it. I think you will be resilient and you will find everything you need in this world and more, I think it will come to you in abundance, as it has come to me. I think you will have good days and bad days, but you will know that we are all here to support you and I think you will lean on that as you grow older. I know you will experience pain, as we all do, I believe you will learn from the pain and use it to make yourself a better person. I believe you will enjoy and experience life very differently than most, and it will be beautiful and inspiring to others.

We are all waiting, waiting, waiting for you. What seems like such a long wait today, will be a blink in time once we hold you in our arms. There are so many people who are waiting to meet you, friends, and family and friends who have become family. We all share in the frustration of the wait and the excitement of bringing you home.

It feels as though I have known you for so long already, it feels as if I am just waiting for your return, and not a first meeting. I wonder what you will think when you meet us for the first, and second, and third time.

Before we knew you, we loved you. Before I knew you, I loved you.

Sending hugs and kisses through time and space to you on this afternoon in Addis Ababa,

Love your momma