Patience. Patience is a virtue that I could use a little more work on. Well, actually in looking up the word "virtue" and the "biblical virtues" I guess all of my virtues could use a little work. From my perspective, virtues come on a continuum. I suspect they always need work, we never "arrive". That's what makes life a journey. Specifically, on patience, which is the act or power of calmly or contentedly waiting for something due or hoped for (dictionary.com), I need some work. I guess the piece that strikes me in the definition is contentedly waiting. Contentedly, CONtenedly, conTENtedly, contentedLY, contenTEDly. No matter how you say it, it doesn't make sense to me. I am supposed to be content in waiting? Why would I actually want something if I were equally content to wait for it? "Oh, no sir, I don't want you to give me that winning lottery ticket, I am pleased as pie to sit here and wait to get a million dollars." Doesn't content mean you don't want anything else, you are happy with where you are? I am confused. Calmly, I understand the word calmly, and by the definition I can wait calmly or contentedly. I choose calmly.
So, here I am patiently waiting by staying calm.
I promise to continue practicing patience, and working on improving that virtue. It's good for me to learn more about this virtue, a growth opportunity has presented itself. I hope others will be patient with me, with us, too.
As we move forward in this adoption it feels more and more as though in a few short (or long) months we will have a toddler in our home. And this is where patience will come in for all of us. A toddler, a child who already has established behaviors and is developing an emerging personality, is going to join our family. A child, who we pray, will be able to have patience with us while we have patience with him.
Parenting a child who was adopted in the toddler years has some special requirements and many of those are outlined in the book "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best, she concludes her book with the following, "People who adopt are entitled to parent their children through law and through love. We are not perfect parents, but we are the right parents for our children. We can never convince everyone we meet that toddler adoption is a first rate route to parenthood, but what we believe in our hearts is more important that what others believe." She goes on to say, "Little by little, new toddlers become an integral part of the family. One day their parents wake up and realize that they can't imagine their lives without their new son or daughter. Then they know that love has grown, and that the tapestry of their lives is forever changed."
It is obvious to state that every situation is different, but as a starting point I think it is reasonable to expect that a child who has learned and integrated into a previous environment for 2-3 years would require an equal amount of time to integrate into a new environment. Not that these things can be put on a timeline, but just for my own sanity, I want to monitor progress. I want to make sure we are building healthy relationships. So, if our daughter is 3 when she arrives, we can expect, at a minimum that she will need at least another 3 years to acclimate to us (and us to her), and that we may still be working on some basic attachment issues when she reaches the age of 6... not that it ends there. All of her experiences, positive and negative, will be with her for her entire life. The take-away here is that we anticipate a different experience with a toddler than with the adoption of a 2 or 3 month old infant.
The parenting preparation being provided by God seems oddly familiar. Didn't I wake up to empty my bladder every hour, on the hour, all night for the final nights before the birth of my first two children? Ahh, and isn't there an incredible amount of patience and faith required in getting through the adoption process? It would be nice to know that at the end of 40 weeks, I'll have that tiny little package in my arms... but there isn't a timeline here, just faith. Blind faith and patience.
As I conclude this blog entry, I acknowledge that I will have to learn to be CONTENTEDLY patient. This new child may come to our family and require me to be contentedly patient. I will learn to wait contentedly for him to grow into the man he will be. I will let him decide the pace and the outcome and I will wait patiently, contentedly, so that I can enjoy every moment given to me to spend with this child. To spend with each of my children!
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