Word of wisdom from someone who's been there

Posted with permission from Tariku's blessed mommy (a fellow adopter).

Tariku's Mommy writes:

Thoughts - Four Months Home
I've been meaning to write something like this since we got home but (surprise!) life gets kind of crazy when you bring home a 3-year-old and have 3 kids under 5! So I've missed you all and spent the better part of tonight (I'm waiting for the "So you think you can dance finale") catching up. Congrats to those with referrals, traveling and home that I haven't said that to! What an awesome time. So here they go...

1) Freak out about the wait. Go ahead and do it. We all know awful things are happening when you're waiting and we all know it's selfish but we're all human and I happen to believe you can't really help it. I also happen to believe it helps prepare your heart for when they are officially yours/you do bring them home. You've been in love with them and fought for them for so long it seems a little less weird...

2) RELAX in country. Ethiopia is awesome, I mean there's no way to describe it. I think the best thing my hubby and I did was relax a bit in country. The nannies are as great as you hear, it's the last time your child will be in ET as an Ethiopian so just let things go as they may. I know some disagree with that and to each his own but I have no doubts this helped our love for ET grow as well as our son's transition to us.

3) Don't be afraid to take a timeout as a family while in country. It was so tempting to go hang out with our awesome travel group and see all the beautiful kids playing together but we purposely took time in our room by ourselves to work on "us" many times throughout the day. We let Tariku play with the other kids and then took him to our room to have some face time. It was so awesome and, I think, helped us figure each other out before siblings and grandparents and life happened upon our return.

4) Be prepared to fake it. Fake the love. Tariku seriously started looking at me with love in his eyes right away. I realize this wasn't true attachment and whatnot but this kid when gaga for mama right away. In ET I was the same way, it was easy because our focus was him and him alone. When I got home I was SOOO surprised at how hard it was. Somehow he turned into more like my favorite kid at a daycare I worked at instead of my son. 4 months later I still have those feelings once in awhile but look at him more everyday as my son. I fought hard for him and still found myself asking how he got there, so don't be surprised if it happens to you too! And for goodness sakes don't feel bad about it!

5) Ethiopia keeps me up at night. I want to go there tomorrow, I want to live there, I want to be Ethiopian. Don't be surprised if you wrestle with all of these feelings either. It's like Alcatraz but better, you will doubtfully come back an unchanged person.

6) You're going to want to adopt again right away. I don't care if you have 20 kids or no kids. I don't care if you have [Post Adoption Depression] or not (though it might not happen right away). You'll start crunching numbers upon your arrival to do it all again. We are the craziest suckers in the world, we adoptive parents.

7) Plan for the worst and be pleasantly surprised. I know now everyone's story is as storybook as ours has been, but I was happy to see all the diapers I brought went unused. All the tears I had prepared went unshed and all the arguments I fought in my head went unargued. Life can always pleasantly surprise you.

That's all I can think of right now. There really is so much more. There's not much advice I could tell you that hasn't been said 10 ways to Sunday but I needed to say hello to you all again and needed to openly thank the forum for getting me through every single item on that 7 item list. You all are amazing.

And I truly...truly...am so thankful for Tariku. I know it's not for all but if you're even thinking about it, this older child adoption thing is the greatest thing since cookie dough (and I LOVE the stuff). I know there are no more Tariku's out there but holy buckets is this kid worth every tear I've shed and then some. The resiliency in him and the love that he emotes regardless of what he's been through is enough to make me shameful for all my complaining. In short...he...is...perfect.Much love, Tariku's blessed mommy