Excitementapalooza

I am not really sure what palooza is, but neither are Wiki or Google. The word "excitementapalooza" sounds good, and if you feel it while you say it, you will know how I am feeling tonight.

I can't describe the roller coaster I have been on since last week when we received our referral (again, this is the process by which they send you information about a child in need of a family and when you "accept" you may start the process of adopting that child). I requested additional information on our little man and the information arrived today via e-mail. We received pictures and a little write-up about him. Below is an excerpt from the information. The following words were posted next to a picture of the most beautiful, smiling, brown eyed boy I have ever seen!

When his nannies tell him what to do or what not to do, he responds immediately with a smile on his face. He can run, jump and climb stairs though he needs to hold on to its rail.

He is perfect, absolutely perfect!

Since last week I have experienced a plethora of emotions. Some of them I think I have never experienced before, or at least not at that intensity. Happy, worried, excited, nervous, grateful, anxious, blessed, impatient and more. Now when I look at him I just feel content, it just feels right. "Just" is not a minimizing word here, it is more about being in a state of "arrival", I feel settled and comforted.

On another note (non-adoption event)...
Perspective - putting things in perspective. What seemed like an insurmountable obstacle yesterday has shrunk to a mole hill today. Obstacles and challenges I have never faced before are in front of me. For a moment they seemed so big. I found myself thinking "I can't". I don't ever recall that emotion before, "I can't" ... but one look in those big brown eyes and I know I can. This little 2 year old boy is facing the whole wide world all alone, and I am worried about my little mole hill, this little boy is the one facing a mountain. So I breathe. I breathe in and out. I breathe again. Whatever my obstacle is, I can do it. I will be a better person for it. I will learn and grow. Perspective on broken toys, broken promises and spilled milk. Perspective on careers and friends and life and love. I forgot to breathe and I lost focus on the priorities. I breathe again, in and out, in and out, slowly, thoughtfully. I reassess my priorities. Where are the mountains? What are the mole hills? I will climb the mountain, I can move the mountain, but the mole hill does not obstruct my view, nor does it slow my journey. Every challenge contains an opportunity, I see opportunity. Calmapalooza (hope you enjoyed the roller coaster ride with me during this blog entry).