Living out loud

*I would like to apologize in advance for any references in this post that might offend. I really want to be able to make my point and this topic is hard to cover without pictures. I want to clarify, I know that skin colors do not come in red, yellow, black, and white. I don't use these references to make light of the issue, in fact the opposite, I am trying to embrace their culture and what is important to them, and how much I love each of them.

Today Trent and I attended a class at our agency. It is a required class for those adopting children over the age of 12 months. While we were there, we ran into a couple from a previous class. I love being part of this adoption community. There are a few things about being adoptive parents that can only be understood by families who are adopting or have adopted. We were able to have lunch together and talk about our journey. It was so nice.

Today the class, and some conversations, reminded me of just how unique and special this journey is. I reflected on the extreme change that is about to happen to my family. Being a mother of three is only the tip of the iceberg for what's about to change in my life and the life of my family. We are about to become a transcultural family. We will be a Turkish-Polish-Swedish-Norwegian-African family (not listed in any particular order, if you were wondering). All of us. We embrace all of those cultures and we are so excited to continue to teach our children about where we come from and what makes us special.

Once a family becomes different, visually different, there are many things that people will be able to tell or assume about our family. Some correct assumptions, some incorrect. Family photos with two light colored children and one dark colored child... likely some one's curiosity will require them to ask why.

One thing I appreciate about my family of origin is the diversity (see comment on previous blogs). When my family gets together it is like a United Nations meeting. We have Native American, Turkish, Greek, Taiwanese, African-American, and now we will add African. We love ALL the little children of the world, red and yellow, black and white - is that song still politically correct? The diversity extends beyond skin color and into colorful pasts, careers, religions, life stories and family dynamics. We know no two people or families are alike, but with my family, sometimes the only similarity is that we have so many differences.

So from my perspective Trent's family has tons of similarities through out the family and extended family. It was one of the first things I noticed when I met his family. They stood out because they all seemed so similar. I definitely appreciate this about his family. The Grandmas are Grandmas, the moms are moms. Not a dynamic changing environment like my own family. I don't want to draw any comparisons to say one is better than the other, that is not the case. They are different in a way that has to be appreciated. For Trent and I these worlds can create a great compliment for us and our needs.

I do have to wonder how his family may experience this change we are about to bless them with. We have made a decision that impacts his family differently than it impacts mine. If my family goes out to dinner (red, yellow, black and white), will anyone even wonder about our new little boy... will anyone walk up and say, "Hey, are you all related?" No, I think mostly people would decide we aren't all related. However, Trent's family will now include black and white. I look forward to the unique journey that this dynamic will create on its own.

Trent and I have decided we are willing to live out loud. We understand that people may approach us and ask questions. We have plans about how to deal with that and how to answer those questions. This is another reason I have this blog, to educate our friends and family about this change. Having this child requires us to be a family living out loud. So much for us all to learn and wonder about.