Adoption re-cap

I am just going to do a re-cap of our adoption to date. I decided not to read previous posts to see what I have or have not covered. Just a review of what stands out in my mind today.

We decided last year in November to expand our family. There are other options that were available for expanding the family, adoption was our preferred and number one choice. I am still very glad we made this decision. Zero regrets. Happy with the agency, oh so thrilled with this little boy, and excited about how much I have learned.

Think about the ocean, compare it to a cup of water... a lot more ocean than your basic cup of water! That's the paperwork compared to any other paperwork I have been required to complete in my life - mortgage/house, cars, new jobs, enrolling kids in school, taxes. Apparently adoption has not met the "Paperwork Reduction Act". I have no idea what the Paperwork Reduction Act is, but it seems it should result in less paperwork for a process (Could it be that easy to explain? Maybe for Google or Wiki later). So we have completed numerous forms, we have documented lengthy descriptions about our childhood, our family, our marriage, and our children. We have sent of copies of birth certificates, marriage certificate, taxes - three years worth, fingerprints, and passports. I have been questioned, poked and in some cases prodded to ensure I am a fit parent, who will live a long and prosperous life (maybe you can predict these things).

On Tuesday, June 3, 4:46pm Central Time I received "the call". Our social worker leaves a nondescript message about calling her back at my convenience. I was shopping and "ignored" the call since I didn't recognize the number. I listened to the message seconds later and panicked. Your social worker doesn't just call you to check in. That would be like your doctor calling you out of the blue to "check in" while you are waiting for life or death test results... you KNOW why they are calling! I wandered around that department store, oddly trying to act like I was shopping. I wasn't able to make the simple decision to lay down my selections and walk out of the store. First the panic of the message... I heard her voice, hung up, and called Trent. No answer with Trent. Redial Trent, redial Trent. We have a deal that if I have an emergency I will call repeatedly and text until he responds. Otherwise I call him several times a night to leave random messages and updates about my day or the kids - so you see why our "code" is important. It has never actually been used. So three tries, next I call the social worker back. Me, "Hi, are you calling with bad news." Another one of my sorry attempts at humor - I knew why she was calling, remember? She replies with something like, 'no, but do you have time to talk' or something like that. If I wasn't so crazy excited I probably would have replied with, "Not really, I am shopping, can I call you back" More bad attempts at humor. But I said I could talk, and continued to wander in the store pretending to shop. A referral, she has a referral! She reviews pretty much EVERYTHING she has in writing about this child. Then she asks "Do you want to look at this referral?" "Hmm, let me think??? YES send the referral. She sends the info via e-mail. I should have upgraded my phone service to include the data package!

More repeated attempts to call Trent. Two times now. What will I do? Nothing is going to change in the hour or two until Trent can talk to me. Ok, call Soul Sister. "Help me, we have a referral and I can't get a hold of Trent," I say. "What do you want me to do?" she replies inquisitively. I demand, "Talk to me so I don't keep calling Trent. I don't want to interrupt his work." She proceeds to ask me what is going on, I think I was crying but I don't remember. I know I was trying to get home and I turned the wrong way - I started heading to Trent's office - that certainly wasn't the solution to the problem. What, was I going to bust into his therapy session and demand that my excitement was more important that their issues and therapy session? I think not! Anyway, Soul Sister is in the middle of getting her gaggle of kids in the house so she asks me if she can call me right back. She did call right back but I managed to squeeze in two more calls to Trent before she called.

Moments later, Trent calls. This is how I answer the phone "Check your e-mail right now!" I proceed to demand that he check his e-mail and I will tell him what is going on while he is doing as I ask/demand. As I tell about the social worker calling, he says "Awe cute." I demand answers, "Cute? Does he look like our son? Does he? DOES HE?" Trent responds that in fact he does look like our son. Take a moment to consider the humor and deeply moving meaning that came from that question and answer. I was NOT trying to be funny, I wanted to know what Trent felt when he saw the picture. Trent knew what I was asking, and that yes, this is our son. You might ask how we knew. I can only respond with this: How do you know when you meet your soul mate? How do you know when the "right" time is to have children? How do you know when to say when? You just know. We knew.

Since then more paper work and a lot more waiting. I am so excited that I get a son from this process as well as renewed friendships, bonding with family and new friendships. I have met fellow adopters who are such GREAT people. People I work with, people I have met on the internet, and people who I have met in my community who have adopted. All of them so willing to share and help, and all able to relate to the journey of adoption. All of my family and Trent's family so supportive and so willing to assist us during this time - many as excited as we are. Renewed friendship and strengthened friendships, those are my favorite! Thanks to everyone on the journey with us, and for those who stand close by to witness the journey.

I have a favorite quote, slightly morbid, but makes a great point.
Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
I am incredibly grateful for my husband, family and friends, new and old, who are here to be witness both to me and to this journey.